It’s been about 18 months since the last time we had a classic captions contest. Let’s change this. Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest is where we show you a classic advertising of a vehicle and you supply the best quote for it. Like on Whose Line Is It Anyway? where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.

Today we have a what was then the new third generation Ford Taurus. Having rented one of those, it still rates as one of the worst handling vehicles I have ever had the pleasure of piloting. Amazingly, handling was the least of its problems, because just look at it. Its polarizing looks were updated three short model year later.

The Ford-hired photographer did their best to showcase the new Taurus’ sophistication. That included dressing up the probable Taurus owners for a night at the opera and a super fancy dinner, probably with other Taurus owners. Seems on target. Today we ask, what is the sophisticated modern couple saying to each other?

[Image Source:]