Classic Captions Contest: 2013 Mercedes-Benz E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate Edition

It’s been way too long since the last time we had a classic captions contest. I have no idea who wrote it, what the car was, or who won it. Let’s move on. Classic Captions Contest is where we show you a classic advertising of a vehicle and you supply the best quote for it. Like on Whose Line Is It Anyway? everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.

Today we have a relatively new vehicle, a W212 E-class Benz. Specifically, it’s the then new 2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package, in diamond white color. The young couple, presumably well educated, climbing the corporate ladder to the S-class, is gazing deeply upon their new Benzito wagon. But what are they are saying or thinking?

28 Comments

  1. “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

  2. “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

  3. I see they needed a smaller font to make
    E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package fit on the tailgate

  4. Something, something, sauerkraut, something Kraftwerk, something, something Bauhaus… yeah, I got nothing. I’m just way juiced that Classic Captions is back for those much more clever and witty than I am.

  5. “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

  6. I see they needed a smaller font to make
    E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package fit on the tailgate

  7. “I can’t see it, honey.”

    “I know, right? We were walking along and you were talking about something, your job or parents or whatever and I was thinking, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ and suddenly it was right where I was looking. If I look away, or stop thinking, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ it disappears again.”

    “Wait, I saw it right there when you said that. It’s a car, right? Or maybe a chest freezer? Say, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ agai * …”

    “Bwah-hah-hah-haa!! You have called me forth from the suburbs of Hell! Your souls are now forfeit! You will be strapped into a baby seat and sacrificed to the great Lord of the Flies, Tormentor of the Wicked, and Slowest Driver in the Passing Lane! DOOOM!!! (Now we’re gonna sing the Doom Song!)”

  8. “I know all of our neighbours drive Porsche Cayennes, but just in case the market crashes again, this will be *way* more comfortable to sleep in.”

  9. “Hey, isn’t that the new 2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package, in diamond white color?”

    “Yes.”

    “So, do we just stand here looking at it from a distance, or what?”

    “We just stand here. With a name like that the advertising department is convinced it’ll practically market itself.”

  10. Daimler AG Marketing Group requests that photo models recruited for promotional photography of the W212 should not exceed a height 152 cm (5 feet).

  11. Even though it was pre-dieselgate, the Mercedes engineers thought it would be prudent to have the models stand a long way from the exhaust.

    1. Second time I’ve heard that name in the past week, so I crawled out from under my rock and Googled it. I ended up watching one of his videos, and after a couple of minutes I couldn’t stand to hear his voice, so I muted it. However, his annoying over-gesticulation was still too much to tolerate, so I had to close it down altogether. Perhaps if his reviews were written and showed a few still images (without him in them), I could actually hang in there for the punch line. Why is this guy popular, exactly?

      1. DeMuro is like one of the Silent Movie stars who had a brilliant career …. until people heard him speak.

        My caption:

        “What do you think Honey? Could we live in that thing?”

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