Classic Captions Contest: 2013 Mercedes-Benz E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate Edition

Kamil Kaluski

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Comments

It’s been way too long since the last time we had a classic captions contest. I have no idea who wrote it, what the car was, or who won it. Let’s move on. Classic Captions Contest is where we show you a classic advertising of a vehicle and you supply the best quote for it. Like on Whose Line Is It Anyway? everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.

Today we have a relatively new vehicle, a W212 E-class Benz. Specifically, it’s the then new 2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package, in diamond white color. The young couple, presumably well educated, climbing the corporate ladder to the S-class, is gazing deeply upon their new Benzito wagon. But what are they are saying or thinking?

About

Kamil Kaluski

Kamil Kaluski

East Coast Editor. Races crappy cars and has an unhealthy obsession with Eastern Bloc cars. Current fleet: 4Runner, Integra, Regal, Lada

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28 responses to “Classic Captions Contest: 2013 Mercedes-Benz E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate Edition”

  1. Number_Six Avatar
    Number_Six

    “piss?”

    “piss”

    Reply
  2. onrails Avatar
    onrails

    “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

    Reply
  3. onrails Avatar
    onrails

    “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

    Reply
  4. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Does it come in brown?

    Reply
  5. SlowJoeCrow Avatar
    SlowJoeCrow

    I see they needed a smaller font to make
    E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package fit on the tailgate

    Reply
  6. Fuhrman16 Avatar
    Fuhrman16

    I’m assuming this is a urea diesel exhaust fluid joke?

    Reply
  7. GTXcellent Avatar
    GTXcellent

    Something, something, sauerkraut, something Kraftwerk, something, something Bauhaus… yeah, I got nothing. I’m just way juiced that Classic Captions is back for those much more clever and witty than I am.

    Reply
  8. onrails Avatar
    onrails

    “Look, I don’t care how you shoot it!” yelled the marketing director, spraying the conference room table with tiny particles of his lunch. “No one is buying wagons anymore and we have to move these things! Get short models! Stand them far away! Use smoke and mirrors! I don’t care, just make it look like an SUV!”

    In other news – Classic Captions is back!

    Reply
  9. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Does it come in brown?

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      How about manual?

      Reply
    2. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      How about manual?

      Reply
  10. SlowJoeCrow Avatar
    SlowJoeCrow

    I see they needed a smaller font to make
    E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package fit on the tailgate

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      They saved room with the tiny brakes on the front at least

      Reply
  11. Batshitbox Avatar
    Batshitbox

    “I can’t see it, honey.”

    “I know, right? We were walking along and you were talking about something, your job or parents or whatever and I was thinking, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ and suddenly it was right where I was looking. If I look away, or stop thinking, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ it disappears again.”

    “Wait, I saw it right there when you said that. It’s a car, right? Or maybe a chest freezer? Say, ‘2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package in diamond white color’ agai * …”

    “Bwah-hah-hah-haa!! You have called me forth from the suburbs of Hell! Your souls are now forfeit! You will be strapped into a baby seat and sacrificed to the great Lord of the Flies, Tormentor of the Wicked, and Slowest Driver in the Passing Lane! DOOOM!!! (Now we’re gonna sing the Doom Song!)”

    Reply
  12. Fuhrman16 Avatar
    Fuhrman16

    I’m assuming this is a urea diesel exhaust fluid joke?

    Reply
    1. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      U-re-a-correct

      Reply
  13. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    “I know all of our neighbours drive Porsche Cayennes, but just in case the market crashes again, this will be *way* more comfortable to sleep in.”

    Reply
  14. mdharrell Avatar
    mdharrell

    “Hey, isn’t that the new 2013 E 300 BlueTec HYBRID Estate, AVANTGARDE with AMG sports package, in diamond white color?”

    “Yes.”

    “So, do we just stand here looking at it from a distance, or what?”

    “We just stand here. With a name like that the advertising department is convinced it’ll practically market itself.”

    Reply
  15. I_Borgward Avatar
    I_Borgward

    Daimler AG Marketing Group requests that photo models recruited for promotional photography of the W212 should not exceed a height 152 cm (5 feet).

    Reply
  16. dr zero Avatar
    dr zero

    Even though it was pre-dieselgate, the Mercedes engineers thought it would be prudent to have the models stand a long way from the exhaust.

    Reply
  17. njhoon Avatar
    njhoon

    Are you sure Doug DeMuro will buy it?

    Reply
    1. Zentropy Avatar
      Zentropy

      Second time I’ve heard that name in the past week, so I crawled out from under my rock and Googled it. I ended up watching one of his videos, and after a couple of minutes I couldn’t stand to hear his voice, so I muted it. However, his annoying over-gesticulation was still too much to tolerate, so I had to close it down altogether. Perhaps if his reviews were written and showed a few still images (without him in them), I could actually hang in there for the punch line. Why is this guy popular, exactly?

      Reply
      1. Lokki Avatar
        Lokki

        DeMuro is like one of the Silent Movie stars who had a brilliant career …. until people heard him speak.

        My caption:

        “What do you think Honey? Could we live in that thing?”

        Reply
      2. Troggy Avatar
        Troggy

        He owned a Ferrari once.

        Reply
  18. crank_case Avatar
    crank_case

    https://media.giphy.com/media/xxVj3Ay7EDPSU/giphy.gif

    Reply
  19. crank_case Avatar
    crank_case

    https://media.giphy.com/media/xxVj3Ay7EDPSU/giphy.gif

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Alas I have but one upvote to give

      Reply
  20. Captions Post Avatar
    Captions Post

    I learned a lot about Mercedes-Benz from this site. Which has benefited us a lot. And we like it a lot. Thank you very much.

    Reply