OK, hoons, yesterday I celebrated Wagon Wednesday (on a Tuesday) with my “State of the Wagon Address“. While Jeff thought maybe I was making fun of him for his unfinished Mercedes wagon project, I was really lamenting the state of new wagons in North America currently. I know, I know, no on buys them, yadda, yadda, but I want one. Not just any one, but one that’s actually kinda quick and interesting, but isn’t made by a premium automaker who will undoubtably charge $70,000 or more for it. So it got me thinking, what cool new wagons could we have using the 2023 and 2024 model year parts bin that would land in that top left quadrant of my wagon chart?

Now, I’m somewhat of a Photoshop expert, but damnit the latest AI is pretty amazing at creating things that don’t exist. So, like the Stinger wagon I created for the last article, I’ll be using the DALL·E 3 Image Creator in Bing (RIP Matthew Perry). For Volume 1 I’ll go through each U.S. market manufacturer that I could could pull something like this off (from Chevy to Mitsubishi on this round).

Chevrolet

Well, much like rival Ford, Chevy’s cadre of cars is getting smaller and smaller by the model year. However, the Malibu still exists, so how about a Chevrolet Malibu SS Wagon? Obviously powerplants are thick on the ground at General Motors and the standard 1.5 turbo and CTV aren’t going to cut it. Honestly, the Camaro’s standard 3.6-liter V6 making 335 horsepower would likely be enough to get a Malibu into the top left quadrant. Obviously we’d love to see a V8, but we’re getting into some powertrain questions here. A Malibu wagon would need something other than FWD to peacefully coexist with all that power. Still, it would be quite, a thing and based on the Malibu’s reasonable starting price it shouldn’t be massively expensive.

Chrysler

Now here’s a scenario that would most certainly work, keep the Chrysler 300 in the lineup as is, just add a longer roofline. Chrysler Magnum baby! The powertrains exist, beyond the standard 292 hp V6 and optional 300 hp V6 you can get a 5.7-liter V8 (363 hp, 394 lb-ft) and the 300C, which ups the ante to a 6.4-liter V8 (485 hp, 475 lb-ft). Yes please, just look at it.

Dodge

If anyone is ridiculous enough to do this, it’s Dodge. I won’t even bore you with the multitude of engine combinations that this could generate, I’ll just generate some imagery of what could be in a Dodge Charger Wagon. Take my money.

Ford

This one kinda sucks, the only car that Ford sells is the Mustang. So, as good as a Fusion and/or Taurus Wagon might be, it’s not looking good. Since, you know, they don’t exist. Which is too bad since Ford has a stable of amazing engine options to put to use in this scenario. Plus, they already make cool wagons for Europe and other countries. Here, something like this, they’re glorious. Jerks.

Honda

Here we go, a manufacturer that sells cars and some of them are already quick. The notion of an Accord Wagon or Civic Wagon with Type R guts makes me feel all spicy downstairs. I’m not sure why the AI thinks they all have to have roof racks, maybe Honda owners are seen as active people? Again, take my money.

Hyundai

So yeah, same as above, Hyundai makes cars already and some are part of the marvelous N line (not N-Line, that’s different, kinda like M Sport vs. ///M). Just make me an Elantra N Wagon. Done, kthxbye.

Kia

Just like I posited in the last article. Build a Stinger GT Wagon and I will buy a Kia Stinger GT Wagon.

Mazda

So, yeah Mazda doesn’t make many cars anymore either, but you could imagine what could happen if they did. The Mazda3 is a solid entry into the hatchback market. So that, but longer, with more power. Perhaps a Mazdaspeed Mazda3 Wagon?

Mitsubishi

I…I don’t even know where to go with this one, so here’s a slightly longer Mirage Evo Wagon. Kinda just looks like a hatchback, but I like it. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

OK, now I’m just depressed, I know that none of this stuff will actually happen. But stay tuned for Volume 2 next week where I’ll finish things out with Nissan to Volkswagen!