So I don’t have to.
I’ll admit up front – I’ve been a Volkswagen fanboi since long before some idiot decided boy should be intentionally spelled incorrectly in this context. The year was 1979 and my parents had just purchased a new Rabbit – Alpine White over baby blue (vinyl of course). There were a few visits to the dealership around that time – test drives, the final purchase, probably a warrantee repair. I was 4 years old and went along without compliant – it meant I could sit in the cars in the showroom and saw the steering wheel back and forth until I turned it far enough to hit the lock.
But even as a wee boy, I was an aspirational wheel-lock-activator. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that new Rabbit, but something far more luxurious caught my eye. It was the Dasher. Big. Powerful. Tufted vinyl seats. Cool accordion shift boot. And the name – Dasher. It was glorious.
Alas, every visit ended with us getting back in our mid-level Rabbit with its non-tufted seats. Oh well. That Dasher always intrigued me though. A few years ago, I saw a very low mileage jade green 3-door hatchback on ebay. It had a matching jade green velour interior too. Magnificent.
But the color. The depressing beige-ness of it all. The brown interior I can get over. That outside though is tough. If it was that jade that I saw before… or maybe a nice baby blue. Or chocolate brown for true 70s beauty.
It is a fantastic car, just not what I’m looking for. I’d never want to drive it – the miles are too low and the condition simply too perfect. I’d be paranoid about door-dings, rock chips and the like. I’m not certain what the reserve on this car is, but it’s almost guaranteed to be near new-car territory… absolute base model, but new car nonetheless.
I’ll be honest, ads like this make me crazy. If I had won that big lotto jackpot last month, I’d buy up stupid cars like this until there were none left to buy. Put them all in a giant warehouse and be just like Jay Leno, except funny and with cheap weird hatchbacks. The problem is, this car is just too nice. It doesn’t have a few flaws or higher mileage. Or a blown head gasket, so I’d have an excuse to drop a modern TDI into the engine bay.
There’s certainly a buyer out there for this car. They’ll probably store it away and drive it on weekends like they should. I’ll continue to hold out for that Prizm GSi hatchback that I know must be out there – in nice, but not too nice condition please – I’d like to be able to enjoy it.
Any other cars out there that torture you? Justthisclose to perfect, yet can’t pull the trigger? Throw out some links below and let us all
taunt you with how perfect it is tell you why you don’t need it.
Ray Lindenburg is an Associate Editor with Hooniverse.com, but he also contributes to his own site Hatchtopia.com. Head over there for all things hatchback.