Valet Tales: "All those lights are on and I don't know why!"

When I’m home from college, and not working at my internship with, I often valet. In the great city of Milwaukee, there’s a certain hotel that gets, shall we say, higher-end clientele. Sure there’ll be days where dozens of rental cars, usually your Dodge Avengers, Chevy Impalas, and Nissan Rogues, arrive and get parked with a smile. Other times, when special events take place, I’ll get behind the wheel of vehicles such as the Ferrari 355 GTS, Aston Martin DB7, Porsches of all kinds, Mercedes of all shapes and, hell, even big Ford F250s with lift kits higher than the sky.

As you’d expect, it’s nice to get paid to drive a variety of different cars… especially when our guarded parking lot takes maybe four to five minute drive to reach. Helloooooo pro-longed test drives. I’ll be completely honest, I’ve done my fair share of hooning around in valet cars. Yet I do nothing to an extent crazy enough to risk damage, but I like to have fun in a responsible way. Remember how in an early post, I talked about drifting a big Ford E350 20-passenger high-roof hotel shuttle van? Yep, that’s just the begging of my list of hoonable acts. Anyways enough of the introduction to one of my part-time gigs.

I run into a fair amount of crazy people, and drive some interesting cars as a valet. Therefore, I’m starting a “Valet Tales”  feature on our lovely site. This is going to sound like something straight out of a Dos Equis commercial. “I don’t valet that often, but when I do, I will write about it on Hooniverse.”

As you can see in the picture above, this BMW X3 is more than 62,000 miles overdue for any kind of regular service. We valets call it “The Christmas Tree” dashboard, when every single imaginable warning light is on. This X3 was pretty clean on the outside, and the interior cabin wasn’t overly disgusting, but jeesh this thing sounded horrible and vibrated like one of those foot massage chairs you find at a Six Flags park. 

When I pulled up to deliver the car, a tall blonde woman came out, tipped me a few bucks and asked me “Did you put oil in it haha? All these lights are on and I have no idea why!” Shaking my head and laughing I thanked her, closed her door, and wished her luck. Who knows if that BMW made it home without breaking down. 

My question to all you wonderful Hooniverse readers is…when’s the most overdue you’ve been on maintenance/an oil change? Did you beat her 62,075 miles of procrastination? 


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