For some reason, I found myself reading the Best of Craigslist the other night. Some of them are funny, most are irreverent, and a few are just weird. This ad, though, stuck out to me. Is it the attempted humorous descriptions of its features? Is it the canary yellow paint and white fiberglass front bumper? Is it the soft dig at people who drive automatics? The answer, as always, lies somewhere in all three.
Take it all in, baby:
Dropped 88′ Mazda B2200, guaranteed to melt some faces. In need of the prow to seduce the lady of your dreams? Wanna stick it to the man from a few inches off the ground? If the latter’s the case (and it most likely is) then this kickin’ chicken car is for you. I bought this car in 2009 and immediately grew a mustache upon taking it for a spin. This car WILL turn you into a man (or woman depending upon the buyer). At the very least you’ll be transformed into something, maybe a bear (that’d be badass).
Features: It might change you into a bear (anything’s possible, just saying).
It’s got gears and shit- Unlike the ‘lazy good-for-nothing’ car culture of today, people in 1988 used 3 pedals like red-blooded Americans. Keep this simple equation in mind: 5 speed manual= not a communist.
Sporty racing seats- Nothing says, “I feel like I’m going faster than I actually am” like some quality seats.
Steering wheel- You’ll need this.
Wheels- They’re necessary.
Four-cylinder engine- You probably won’t blow your neighbor’s Mustang out of the water, but you’ll have plenty of time to steal his wife while he’s busy filling his tank. 28mpg’s means plenty of time for cougar cruisin’.
It purrs like a kitten, literally. With 111,958 original miles this car still has plenty of head-turning left to do.
Fabulous features not enough? I’ll throw in my friendship to sweeten the deal. You (the new owner of a fabulous yellow truck) will call me Nathaniel Dibbington. I (Nathaniel Dibbington) will sit shotgun regaling you with tales of manly exploits as we sing songs, navigate the treacherous waters of the Tigris, and climb the stony Caucasus mountain pass.
If you’re interested, swing by and fall in love. Also, the Mazda B2200 is technically a truck. It has a bed and various truck-like components.
What we have here, then, is a decent B2200 pickup with fairly low miles and except for the ground effects, appears to be in reasonably good shape. Except for that paint.
Is it safe to call Grant wheels cliché at this point? Surprisingly, the interior looks to be mostly intact. Somewhat reminiscent of the 86 626 we looked at last week. Not sure why these seats would be considered sporty in any sense of the word; they look stock to me.
The best part of the ad, though? The price – it’s nowhere to be found. In all the attention-grabbing descriptions and cougar jokes, the seller just couldn’t find the space to squeeze in a price. So, what would you pay for it? $2500? $3100? $4000? Do I hear one dollar? Remember, just covering up that yellow is going to cost you a few hundred.