There’s nothing finer, perhaps, then waking up, fixing a pot of tea, and settling down to write about one of the shoddiest vehicles to ever disgrace the United Kingdom with its inimitable combination of congenital defects. That’s saying a lot, particularly considering that the UK is one of the few first-world countries to compete with the former Warsaw Pact countries for the grand prize in bad automotive ideas. Today’s subject is none other than the Triumph Stag, a vehicle whose purpose in the British Leyland lineup was as enigmatic as its timing chain layout. The one pictured, for sale on eBay Motors, may be the nicest version you’ve ever seen … but take a moment to recall; have you ever seen another?


When new, the Stag was somewhat of a paper tiger, a promising grand tourer with power in spades, just what Triumph needed to claw its way back into relevance. The specs were appealing – an all-new SOHC V8, sharing some of the proven slant-4 dimensions and layouts, sporting aluminum heads and an innovative chromium-iron block. You could take off the heads without having to first remove the valvetrain or cams. All the accessories and the cooling fan were run off the timing chain via skew gears (and in the case of the fan, a viscous fluid coupling to limit rotational speed). To house this innovative motor, a Giovanni Michelotti-penned 2+2 touring body was fitted, taking aim directly at the Mercedes-Benz SL roadsters. That’s about all the positive things that can be said about the Stag, so it’s time for the best part – the myriad issues that allowed the Stag to become a poster child for the befouled pit of refuse that the British motor industry had so deliberately fallen into. That Michelotti body? On top of looking dated from the outset, it was ruined with a basket-handle rollbar. It wasn’t Michelotti’s best work anyhow. But where B-L really screwed the pooch was in the execution of their ambitious engine plans. Had the V8 been released now, I have no doubt that within a month (which is when they started blowing up) you’d see webcomics with a simple picture of the V8 as the punchline to the image macro. Think trolldad and rage guy.

Where to begin? Let’s start with that well-intentioned timing-chain-to-rule-them-all. It was approximately 35 miles long, and being of the single-link type, with all that distance to service they tended to crap out early. So, you’re thinking, how early? Like 60,000 miles? Fie, old chap, fie. More like 25,000 miles. And it’s an interference motor, so when it popped, so did your savings account. Adding to the V8’s woes were undersized main bearings, leading to short crank and bearing lives. Cooling was poor due to badly cast aluminum heads, so they warped quite often. The water pumps would occasionally let go when their drive gears randomly disintegrated. To add insult to injury, the temperature sender was only located in one of the heads, and if you haven’t noticed many of the issues these engines had were related to cooling. Thus, many happy-go-lucky Stag owners tooled around in ignorant bliss while their engines were in the process of melting down.
Of course, clinically insane determined owners have found fixes and workarounds for most of these issues. The most common is chucking the V8 for an Essex V6. (Insert peals of laughter here.) Even the V8 can be made to be reasonably reliable. Reasonably is a word with plenty of wiggle room, so exercise caution … and it wouldn’t hurt to have deep pockets. This example, in lovely brown, is one of the nicest on the road and owned by a passionate enthusiast, from what I can tell. Caveat emptor is the word of the day.
eBay Motors