The Galloping Gourmet Gets Busted

Let's see, cook for 30 minutes at 350 degrees, basting often. . .

When you’re out driving do you ever think about what the people in all those other cars are doing? Well, maybe it’s a good thing not to find out.
Last weekend Gary Korkuc  (seriously, real name!) blew through a stop sign in front of the Po-Po, who pulled him over, salivating at the thought of a juicy fine. It turns out they weren’t the only ones licking their lips as when the cops approached Korkuc’s truck they discovered he had a passenger, his cat, Navarro. Realizing that to be a hispanic-sounding name, the cops asked for the cat’s identification to ensure that he was in the country legally. It was then that they realized that Korkuc had actually been marinating Navarro in olive oil, salt, and crushed red peppers, preparatory to cooking him up and eating the fury meatball.
Korkuc claimed that Navarro was ‘ill tempered’ and, in retaliation for that obviously cat-like behavior, he was going to show the cat who’s the boss, and the inside of a 350° oven. When he also told them that the obviously neutered male cat had come down with a bad case of the babies, they decided to take him in, postponing his picnic.
Navarro was handed over to the local ASPCA chapter, who promised not to add him to the antipasto bar. Cleaned up, he’s is now safe from his gastro-nut owner, who faces animal cruelty charges on top of the traffic fine. If you would like to eat adopt Navarro, he’s now available from the Buffalo ASPCA.

Image sources: [Funnycatsite.com, Bestmugshotever.com]

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37 responses to “The Galloping Gourmet Gets Busted”

  1. engineerd Avatar

    Narcs nix nutjob nibbling neutered Navarro.
    Also, I hope the cat's first name isn't Al. That would just be creepy.

    1. BGW Avatar

      Would that mean he's used Seven of his nine lives?

      1. Alex Kierstein Avatar

        <img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/27/Seven_of_nine.jpg"&gt;
        I went there. I'm not proud, but I went there.

  2. Mechanically Inept Avatar

    If this disturbs you, then you should promptly become a vegetarian. If eating the family dog or cat is animal abuse, then what the hell do you call the meat industry? It's not like cows and pigs don't have feelings. Eating cats and dogs is acceptable in other countries, as is raising your own animals for milk, eggs, or slaughter. Marinating a live cat in your trunk is a bit loony, but if said gentleman wants to raise cats for food and slaughter them humanely, why shouldn't he?
    People who love their pets and eat meat from factory farms are colluding with the great double standard that is animal rights in the US, and I am one of them.

    1. bzr Avatar

      Plants have feelings too!

      1. skitter Avatar

        Friend 1: I could never eat a living thing!
        Sister: Onions are living things too, just a lot easier to catch.
        Friend 2: Great, now she won't eat anything.

      2. Mechanically Inept Avatar

        Are you a Jain?

      3. dr zero Avatar

        But according to Kurt Cobain, "It's alright to eat fish, 'cause that haven't any feelings". Of course this has been proven to be wrong, but that doesn't matter.

    2. skitter Avatar

      I do not condone vicious or sadistic behavior, but given the opportunity (and training), I would slaughter my own animals. I have very little respect for cows; they cannot do 2+2, they will not run into a burning building to save a fellow cow. Aside from the ability to feel pain, which can be minimized, they're little better than corn. My standing agreement with a vegan friend is that I am not allowed to eat any animal if the loss of an individual can be a loss to the entire species. So, no endangered animals, nothing with a degree of localized, learned behaviors such as parrots, dolphins, or orangutans. Also, nothing that mates for life, unless I eat the pair. As someone who likes dogs as pets, previously I would still have happily sampled their meat. Now I am on the fence, as some evidence shows that dogs will try to save a "stranger "dogs from danger. Finally, I am no longer allowed to eat crow.

      1. SSurfer321 Avatar

        Useless fact of the day: Crows mourn the death of other crows.

        1. Mechanically Inept Avatar

          Captivating…
          This past spring, on my last day of high school, I was driving home when I saw two squirrels that hit been hit by cars lying in the road. There was a third squirrel standing near them, who seemed to be mourning the death of his friends. What a major downer, especially on the last day of HS. Looking back on it, it was only a sign of things to come.
          /It's been a shitty summer.

          1. Mr_Biggles Avatar

            Maybe he was thinking of his windfall, but showing concern over how to get both of them home and in the freezer.

      2. IronBallsMcG Avatar

        I wish unicorns were real. I bet they would be tasty.

        1. joneez Avatar

          After eating Unicorn, would you crap rainbows?

      3. Mechanically Inept Avatar

        I'm mostly in agreement with you there. I love my dog, I love eating meat, my younger sister is an obsessive vegetarian, and I have several vegan/vegetarian friends, so I've had this type of discussion a lot. My sister often gives me shit for eating meat, and whenever she does that, I tell her that she is malnourished. I'd never thought much about where the meat I eat comes from, until I saw the movie "Food, Inc.," which is a pretty shocking exposé of our current food industry (if you watch it, you won't want to eat anything you didn't grow or kill yourself, at least for a spell). After watching the movie, I told my sister that I don't want to eat any meat I didn't slaughter myself (I didn't stick to that, BTW). To that, she said I probably couldn't slaughter an animal, and if I did, then I'd be a murderer. Despite what she says, I'd like to learn about raising and slaughtering meat, because, while it is dirty and unpleasant, it forces you to think of a cow as an animal, rather than just a hamburger, and gives you much more of a connection to the food you eat.
        If any of that made sense, I'm surprised.

        1. CptSevere Avatar

          All that makes perfect sense to me, don't worry. We have cows (the company I work for). I'm real familiar with them, have daily contact with them, and most of them have names and distinct personalities. However, they're breeders (there's a bull, too, his name is Snake Eyes). We don't eat them, the calves go off to be rodeo stock, then back to us. They're Longhorns, which really aren't all that great a beef breed, they just look cool. However, if I weren't so attached to them, I'd no problem selling them off to stockyards. That's the beef industry. Yeah, I love a steak or a burger, and I'm familiar with the whole process. I have no problem with eating other people's cows. Being human, I'm an omnivore, which means I enjoy eating pretty much whatever I'm served. I have no problem with someone choosing not to eat meat, I've had a girlfriend or two like that, just don't make it a statement. And, pass the Worcestershire.

      4. Feds_II Avatar

        "Also, nothing that mates for life, unless I eat the pair."
        Hey, a man needs a code to live by, and this one is awesome.
        Mine is that I won't keep people alive in the basement as I slowly eat parts of them.

      5. ZomBee Racer Avatar

        A while back someone sent me that video which I thought was pretty interesting.
        Shortly after that however we were working on rooftops over at UC Santa Cruz, and there were about 50-75 crows perched in the redwood trees all around me. Just sitting. Just staring. I thought it was a joke at first, then I realized I was all alone… except for them crows…
        That $#*% freaked me out.

    3. engineerd Avatar

      The only thing that really disturbs be about this is the man's reasoning. You don't eat something because it becomes ornery. By that standard, cannibalism is perfectly acceptable, especially human mothers eating their children.

      1. Deartháir Avatar

        I hate children. They take too long to marinate properly, and they don't fit on my rotisserie.

        1. engineerd Avatar

          And they can be a pain in the ass to catch. Unless one wanders onto my lawn, then it's bye-bye kiddo.

  3. LTDScott Avatar

    I'm in California, so getting pulled over for gutted cats is nothing new.

    1. BrianTheHoon Avatar

      I saw what you did there … and guffawed!

  4. bzr Avatar

    No, I think he'll be getting plenty of meat in jail. Whether he wants to or not.

  5. PowerTryp Avatar

    I didn't realize Al was a kitty.

  6. fisheater Avatar

    That is the best sounding fart can I have ever heard. It just purrs and purrs…

  7. Hopman Avatar

    Mechanic: I found your problem.
    Customer: What was it?
    Mechanic: Hairball in the exhaust pipe.

  8. kvhnik Avatar

    This reminds me of a sign on the fence of a local farm that I often ride by that says "For Sale. Kittens. Extra sweet" I alway think how great that is because then you don't have to use as much syrup.
    I really must get a picture of that sign.

  9. buzzboy7 Avatar

    What's wrong with eating cats? Seriously? A guy I know's family used to get dogs from the pound, keep them for a year and eat them. To some ethnicities(these people are Filipino) this is just normal.

    1. Hopman Avatar

      I've heard of "Weiner Dogs," and "Chow Chows," but never a Weiner dog for chow.

    2. joneez Avatar

      Puts a different spin on the phrase "three dog night."

  10. dukeisduke Avatar

    The fart can adds a nice, smoky flavor.
    /ducking

  11. dukeisduke Avatar

    You'd be ill-tempered, too, if you were marinated in red pepper flakes

  12. Eggwich Avatar

    Kano hasn't aged well since his Mortal Kombat days.
    And I love cats, but I kinda wish he ate the cat. Who marinates a cat before shaving it?

  13. dragon951 Avatar

    The cat looks sad because he though there was some Folger's in that coffee can.

  14. Mr. Alexander Simon Avatar

    November 6th, 2011
    Mr. Alexander Simon,
    Professional-Writer,
    Sir William Place Building Block“C,”
    Apartment #305, 8820 – 85 Street,
    Edmonton, Alberta
    CANADA T6C 3C2.
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    *In-coming calls accepted,
    @2p.m.; only, please!
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    For the first feast of;
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    The New American Library Incorporated,
    Post Office Box 999,
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    AMERICA 07621.
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    XX
    -30-

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