The Archimedian Screw Tractor – For When A Tank Just Wouldn't Be Enough

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need… ROADS.
Worried about the coming Zombiepocalypse? Sure, we all are, it’s understandable. And it’s equally understandable that you want to make sure that you’re totally prepared. Multiple tins of canned tuna? Check! Plenty of bottled water? Check! Fistful of boomstick? Check! Indestructible go-anywhere survival vehicle? Check! Or… perhaps not.
Actually the roads would probably slow us down, so let's just avoid those, okay?
I posted this over on Facebook, but it was just too good not to share with the rest of the Hooniverse. The eBay seller claims it is one of two built, and his is a 1985 model and the only one surviving today. It is powered by a 300-horse, 12-cylinder “V-Type Deutz Diesel”. I don’t even know what that means, so clearly it must be awesome. It weighs in at ten tons, and has a rated top speed on ice of 6 knots. Let’s think about that for a second. 6 knots is almost appallingly slow, but this vehicle is so well-prepared for the coming Zombocalypse that it has a speed rating for ice. And water. And trees. And driving through abandoned shopping malls. Does your Corolla have that? Didn’t think so. This is one of those vehicles that makes you wonder what the actual motivation was to build it. What scenario arose that required them to design a vehicle so insanely overbuilt? It is capable of traveling unhindered through water, and easily over ice, sand, swamp, bodies of the undead and yuppy sport-utes filled with empty Starbucks cups. It carries five in comfort… or… perhaps not in comfort, there are no photos of the interior, and the brochure is in Japanese. We’ll assume they’ll be travelling in that reasonable facsimile of comfort available in a Japanese car. The seller claims it would be ideal for “arctic exploration”. Screw that nonsense, it’s getting parked in my bunker until the day the Zombies come.

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