Out on a Sunday afternoon stroll, I noticed this desperately low Jetta that had crawled up to a curb. ’80s German cars still have it tough in this town, with a number of jokester tuners dropping their ride heights and plastering wood vinyl on them; this Jetta is free from adornment but is hugging the pavement.

Thing is, it’s so slammed it probably can’t move too well. On the icy parking lot, it looks like a beached whale. With pink nipples.

Like the sticker on the back says, the Jetta is a Flair model. Those were the run-out edition before the 1992 Vento (Mk3 Jetta), and had the 1800cc engine together with better specification including plusher seats. I’d love an unmolested one in this ice-blue colour; perhaps just the tastiest Pirelli wheels would add some flair there.

I’m getting the vibe the Jetta’s grounded itself and been abandoned for a while. It sat there the next day too, with a parking ticket under a windshield wiper – and the kick dent on the fender could be the result of frustration at the Jetta having rendered itself immobile.

The wood-rimmed steering wheel is actually a nice touch. It totally does not suit the Jetta, but I imagine it’s nice to behold, if not hold – could be cold. There’s also a Beastie-y VW emblem hanging from the mirror.

The cigarette packed nestled under the plate – itself probably acting as a scrapeguard – notes how low the plate hangs.

There’s not much rust on the VW, but the driver’s door has accumulated some and shed its trim piece in retaliation.

The edge of the widened steel wheel is stretching itself far out from the body, perhaps in a bid to become a part of another car.

In case the pink-nippled, beached whale was too unpleasant an image to be bestowed on you, here’s a nice blue Toyota Hilux to help cleanse your mind, soul and palate.

It also rides comfortably higher up than the V-Dub; not a bad thing on a cobblestone street.