Nearly everyone in this business remembers their first presser with fondness, be it ever so humble. A Fit, a Corolla, a Dodge Neon with crank windows – it doesn’t matter what it was, just that you finally had the opportunity to write something useful or incisive or interesting. Mine was a Nissan S-Cargo. That… that explains a lot, actually. Most importantly, it explains why I spend the bulk of every Monday asking the question: “How can I avoid writing about new cars this week?” Not that there’s anything wrong with new pressers, and Our Blessed Lady of Acceleration knows there are many who would cheerfully roshambo me for the chance to drive the base-engine Sonata that’s in the driveway this week. So, no complaining. However, life is too short for electric power steering and the same damn thing fifty other people are going to talk about. I like to think I have a nose for sussing out stuff that’s far better – or way, way worse – than your average modern car. This is a clip show, of sorts, of a few things I’ve been up to this year that I thought might appeal to the Hooniversal reader. There’s a Turbo Esprit. There’s a Pony. Strap in. By this time, you’ve probably already read a story highlighting Mazda’s 25th anniversary celebrations for the Miata/MX-5. Quite frankly, it surprised the hell out of me that they let the collective shrimp-scoffing masses at those heritage cars, but as an aforementioned shrimp-scoffing mass, let me be the first to say thank you, Mazda, for the opportunity. Except that it should have happened months ago. In March, just after horning in on the Hooniverse podcast as a result of my stellar skills at being an extra body allowing Jeff to take the HOV lane to the recording, I headed out to Irvine to check out Mazda’s secret basement. Secret Number One: it ain’t that secret. Murilee tramped through here some time ago, but it’s still pretty amazing. If every car company except Mazda folded shop tomorrow, I sometimes feel like that’d be perfectly okay. Anyway, alongside the brain-boggling LeMans and IMSA racers (John Finger’s 1st gen MX-6! Aieeeee!!) there were the heritage Mazdas, which I was lucky enough to take for a boot around the block. Except I couldn’t because they were already upstairs in the shop getting ready. What about that Spirit R FD RX-7? Sadly broken. So what is available then? That’ll do donkey, that’ll do. Actually, this little slice of Shirriff lemon meringue filler was quite the treat. It was hella-butt-ass-terrible – as they say in California – by modern standards, but because I have a soft spot for runts, I loved this little GLC. Then they let me have a go in a very low-mileage, original GTX, which was very nice and it only caught a little bit on fire don’t ask me any more questions. Right, the Pony. So here’s the thing – in Canuckistan, where I live, we are universally known for being polite, but we should be known for being the cheapest bastards on the planet. Imagine all the racial stereotypes about every immigrant population possible, and then imagine them heavily taxed and having to spend more on heating fuel and bear-repellent than anywhere else on Earth. Thus, Canada. We stand on guard for thee, true patriot coupons, in all thy sons command. So when Hyundai was looking for a test market for their cheap n’ cheerful (not very) Pony, they ventured first to our icy shores in 1984, making this the thirtieth anniversary of Hyundai in Canada. This gave me an idea – I wonder if any of those original Ponys are still out there, non-decomposed. I put out an ad on craigslist, and three months later, got a bite. It’s a very odd story, but yes, I got to drive one with the original 1300cc engine, and yes, it was slower than a slug with a limp. I absolutely loved it. Let’s jump immediately to the other end of the spectrum with the fastest car ever made.* *in 1989. Or whenever. At a local cars and coffee event, I stumbled over a RUF CTR, which you may know best as the Yellowbird. This one was red because Canada. Naturally, I tried everything I could to get wheeltime, but ended up just getting a ride from one of the mechanics at the dealership where it was. Not quite the same thing, but I can safely say that this is one of the good ones. Saint Patrick preserve us with sodium benzoate was it ever – I think it lifted the front wheels off the ground coming over the Granville Street bridge. I also officially did not get any time behind the wheel of the 1967 Chevy Impala from Supernatural. Officially. Because the studio insurance wouldn’t cover it. Don’t ask me any more questions. This thing required months to track down, but turned out to be an even better story than expected. Sure, it’s a cool car, and it was neat to dispel some of the rumours, but the gent who takes care of it might just have one of the best car-related jobs in existence. The ability to justify the ownership of nearly 500 personal vehicles: not too shabby, if you ask me. Next, a rarity that provided some unique insight. Ferrari fans get the F40, but the last car Mr. Honda was ever directly involved with was the Coupe 9, sometimes called the 1300. An idle Google search found that there were two in Ohio and one in BC. Well hang on a moment – don’t I live in BC? A few weeks later and I was behind the wheel of this effervescent little car, burbling along an abandoned section of highway with the revs up and the wheel cranked. What a neat machine – air-cooled, front-wheel-drive, fully independent suspension, and the curb weight of a cockatoo. It emerged that the owner was the original owner to boot, making this the most original Coupe 9 in existence. What else? Oh, a Model T, highly recommend driving one of those if you haven’t. You’ll get a better appreciation for what your great-grandparents went through if nothing else. Then the microcar rally – really must get behind the wheel of a Subaru 360 van. Ah yes, the Lotus. So this is one of the Giugiaro “folded-paper” originals, and perhaps you can see a little DeLorean in it. The owner is a gent I met through writing for the local paper, and at one point his garage included this, a Pozzi blue 360 Modena Coupe, and a silver 993 twin-turbo. Perfection, if you ask me, though he parted with the 993 as storage was getting a bit iffy, and the market was on the upswing. I got the sense that the Lotus would be last to leave this garage – it was the dream car of the trio, and while it didn’t have the outright performance, it was very special to drive. Extremely low, very manual feel to everything, and a trunk that can boil shampoo. Who wouldn’t love that? I think I said on the podcast that my idea of hell, in a province where 40km/h over the speed-limit (when everyone regularly drives 30km/h over), is a fast Audi. It’s just too easy to crawl over that limit and bang, off the thing goes on the back of a flatdeck. So when an RS7 showed up, I started looking for something else to do with it, anything. Oh hey, we have an entirely reasonable fifteen-year grey market import law. Say hello to Grandpa RS2. This car deserved two stories, one as a bookend of the RennSport breed, and the other as a more personal tale. The owner bought it in advance, drove it on his honeymoon, then shipped it home where the border services folks confiscated a case or two of French wine out the back. It’s a really neat car to drive, very like a WRX with heft and staggering brakes. Last, although I am currently working on a story on Kjell Qvale’s personal Jensen Interceptor, was the ElectroPorsche. This is a really neat idea: the adaptation of a kit meant for electrifying a VW Beetle, fitted to a Porsche 912. The 912’s a pretty interesting car (the original ’60s version, anyway), but not well-loved enough that it’s blasphemous, and the result is simply excellent. It weighs 50lbs more than a contemporary 911S, has around 210hp, retains the 5-speed dogleg, and goes like the privy door when the plague’s in town, as Edmund Blackadder would say. Next up, an Alpina B10, an Isuzu Vehicross, and with any luck, a Skoda of some description. I guess I gotta get around to writing up that Sonata too. Eventually. @brendan_mcaleer