The Aprilia SXV was designed expressly for hooligans of the highest order — mega-hoons: young men with lightning-quick reflexes, nerves of steel, too many points on their license and a belief that they can’t die. It’s a street-legal, 13,000-RPM, V-twin dirt bike with way too much braking and fat, nearly slick roadracing tires. The seat is about as wide as Lance Armstrong’s. It’s raison d’être is skyshot wheelies, late braking in turns, feet-up powersliding — none of which I have any intention of ever doing again in my life.

I, on the other hand, am a happily married 47-year-old suburbanite. I’m a balding Baptist deacon. Even as a young man, I opted to be a clerk when I enlisted in the Army, not a Ranger. And at this point in my life, I am clearly aware not only that I can die, I can get hurt. Very badly, painfully hurt. I ride a Suzuki cruiser, fergoshsakes. I use phrases like “fergoshsakes.” I am so NOT the Aprilia SXV.
And yet, I can’t shake this deep, yearning desire to put an SXV in my garage. And now my local Aprilia dealer (Yes, I’m lucky enough/tortured to have one) is offering a new, non-current 2008 SXV 4.5 for $6500. That’s a $2300 discount. Sure, it’s the 450cc version, not the larger 550. But that’s okay, because I’d just ride it like an old man, anyway.
I’d love to see some lucky hoon take advantage of this. Preferably someone in Hawaii or New Brunswick.
Oh, and don’t kill yourself.