Winston Churchill once said, “The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.” He clearly never read Hooniverse.Last week’s Rename LeMons New England Contest received a pretty good overwhelming response from our fair Commentariat, with some gut-busting suggestions that remind us why New England is so hilarious. We’ve sent the results through the Hooniverse MODOK, and with minimal loss of life it calculated the 10 best responses from you, the readers. Give yourselves a hand! But first, a public service announcement. The best part of any election year, other than the allure of potential career-annihilating sex scandals, is the orgy of public service announcements rolled out to goad an apathetic populace into actually caring enough about the candidates to rise above a 63% voter turnout. And being the celebrity-obsessed culture that we are—rabble rabble, this generation’s going to hell in a handbasket!—there’s no better way to get the Millennials to decide the fate of the nation than Leonardo DiCaprio, Trent Reznor, Madonna, the fat kid from those Judd Apatow movies, and the back of a Starbucks coffee cup personally reminding us how we can change the course of human history. Vote, dammit! Because the cast of One Tree Hill said so!
So, consider this our official public service announcement. Vote today, vote often.* Vote now so you can make a difference. Do it for the children. Do it for the men and women toiling over homebuilt leaf-blower turbochargers on their Z31 300ZX. Do it for Übermeister Jay Lamm. Do it for the generations of crapcar racing enthusiasts who will forever worship your hallowed name.** Remember, the future of Hooniverse is in your hands.*** One vote can make a difference!****
* Sorry, one vote per commenter. ** Not really. *** Maybe. **** If you say so.