OnStar, How May I Help You?


“This is OnStar Emergency, have you just been in an accident?”
“Yes, I am a vehicle porter for a GM plant and I just crashed this minty-fresh Malibu. I was loading it onto a freight train and I decided to ram the train going 35 mph… what should I do?”
“Blame it on Toyota?”
Updated!


I was just emailed some carnage-laden photos of a fresh-off-the-line Chevrolet Malibu. It seems an overzealous lot porter experienced some inexperienced acceleration straight into a freight train.
Let the caption action begin!
Update from the source’s source: (this is still a rumor at this point)
Official story is that it was being delivered to the train and the employee dropped the manifest in the floor and was picking it up, then hit the train in an unlit area.

Truth is that the employee was actually taking it to the QwikTrip and was texting, got to an unlit crossing but red lights were flashing and hit a flat bed train car that was stopped. The train started backing up and spun him out from underneath
Thanks to MissMotorMouth for the heads-up on this one! Head to her site for a bit more info http://missmotormouth.com/2010/02/what-happens-when-malibu-meets-train/

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  1. RedBaron89 Avatar

    The first step should be to recall all Malibu's, then insted of fixing the problem they should just send them all to the crusher and refund all the owners.
    Mabee we will start hearing of unintended acceleration problems with the malibu now.

  2. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    This car obviously ran into Chuck Norris in a crosswalk.

  3. longrooffan Avatar

    Just curious…Where are the airbags?

  4. muthalovin Avatar

    This Malibu was born a Malibu with the heart of a Corvette. Sadly, things didn't work out so well.

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      The Malibu-V, now THAT would be a sneaky engine swap though you might want to swap the go-wheels to the back or you would torque steer your arms into mush

      1. Tim Odell Avatar
        Tim Odell

        They already sell a 5.3L powered Impala, meaning you could probably cram that FWD powertrain into the Malibu.
        No reason you couldn't put a 6.2L or 7.0L in place of that 5.3.
        No reason aside from that fact that you'd liquefy the tranny the second you hit the gas.

        1. muthalovin Avatar

          Liquefied Tranny! That's something you don't hear every day.

          1. engineerd Avatar

            Nope. Just every other day.

          2. ptschett Avatar

            Sounds like a good name for a band.

          3. joshuman Avatar
            joshuman

            Murilee, your next band name.

    2. FTGDHoonEdition Avatar

      My first thoughts. The front looks very Corvette-ish smashed up. Especially around that broken headlight area.

  5. RideWith Wes Avatar
    RideWith Wes

    This Malibu will be up for auction alongside Tiger's smashed up Escalade.

  6. engineerd Avatar

    The UAW still has a way to go to improving work conditions at this plant.

  7. omg grip Avatar
    omg grip

    no big deal. not like anyone was waiting for that car to be delivered anyways.

    1. ptschett Avatar

      But now Enterprise will be short a car on my next vacation!

  8. BGW Avatar

    Just another botched Malibu nose job.

  9. Alff Avatar

    Who says the Malibu isn't a viable competitor to the Camry?

  10. Dr_Dangerously Avatar

    L@@K!!!!!! CHEAP MALIBU!!SUPER LOW MILES!!OMG!!
    You will never find a car as new as this one! Low miles, never driven from the dealership!
    Slight front-end damage, maybe just a new hood and bumper. We might have one around back.
    YOU CAN'T PASS UP THIS DEAL!

  11. Prawo Jazdy Avatar
    Prawo Jazdy

    Fortinet does not block Hooniverse at work anymore! Hooray!
    So… Brand new Malibu eh? Judging by the rust on the brakes already, I’d say its about 2 hours old.

  12. dwegmull Avatar
    dwegmull

    Hey look, someone found a way to improve the look of a Malibu!

  13. OG Schm-san Avatar
    OG Schm-san

    When an object is in motion, it will stay in motion until it runs into a freight train. . .or something

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      Ah… Lutz's 135th Law of Motion

  14. muthalovin Avatar

    This Malibu was born a Malibu with the heart of a Corvette. Sadly, things didn't work out so well.

  15. CptSevere Avatar

    Humph. Tweaks the emotions about as much as seeing a dryer that got pushed off the loading dock then backed into by a forklift.

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