Gas mileage is awful. Around the city it’s in the single digits. On the highway you’ll crack double digits if you restrain yourself. You’ll actually laugh about that. Don’t expect more than 200 miles out of a tank. You’ll get asked about gas mileage.
You’ll get all kinds of comments. Some women will question the size of your manhood. Many will compliment without even knowing what it is. Drunk bros will yell unintelligible things at you. Pictures, lots of pictures will be taken. Upon seeing it, many men in pickup trucks will question why they blew the same money on their fancy half-ton pickup.
The police will look at you more than anyone else. One cop will ask you to spin the tires – don’t. One will offer to preemptively write a ticket for a violation you’re bound to commit. Most will nod in approval. Few will roll their eyes or pretend to ignore. This one cop really should have pulled me over but didn’t. I don’t know why, but I’m glad he didn’t.
Kids will effing love the Hellcat. Several kindergartners will scream about an awesome yellow race car. Some will ask to sit inside. One will ask if it can transform into a robot. Another will question the choice of an automatic transmission – really.
Other drivers will be nice to you. They’ll let you merge. They won’t tailgate, as if they could, but not even in gridlock traffic.
Everyone will understand you when you do something stupid. And everyone will expect you to do something stupid. Some will literally wait for you to do something stupid. Restrain yourself.
It’s loud. It’s loud at idle. It’s loud in casual driving. It’s loud on the highway. It’s really loud when accelerating. It’s loud inside. It’s loud outside. It’s loud in a tunnel. It’s loud a quarter mile behind. It’s loud.
Rain is not your friend. Stomp on the gas pedal at anywhere south of 60 miles per hour (I didn’t try at a faster speed) on a wet road and the tires will lose traction. And in sport mode, with the traction control somewhat limited, the rear-end will come out at 60mph. That sounds cool, and probably looks cool, but can be rather unexpected and somewhat scary, if not freakin’ hilarious.
The traction and stability systems are your friends. Leave them on but adjust their settings. In sport mode, as opposed to track or street mode, you can look like a driving god and not embarrass yourself as the system will save your ass most of the time. The time it doesn’t save your ass is the time you were doing something amazingly dumb. Don’t be dumb.
It’s big. The nose is long and the front is low. The doors are long. It’s really freakin’ wide. Tight parking spots are not your friends. Once you park and start walking away you won’t be able to resist looking back.
It’s addictive. The power. The noise. The grin-inducing acceleration. Buy a Hellcat and you’ll kick all your other addictions. You’ll just wanna go fast over and over again. Gun it, grin, and slow down. Gun in, grin, and slow down. You’ll have to slow down so often because the Hellcat gets to arresting speeds really effing fast.
Buy a yellow widebody Hellcat and your commute will never be boring. You’ll always be grinning. Therefore you’ll never be depressed again. You’ll take better care of yourself because everyone will be looking at you. Because of this, your partner will like you more and therefore you’ll get laid more. This will make you more confident. Therefore your boss will like you more, too. You’ll therefore be more successful and make more money. Buy a yellow widebody Hellcat. You’re welcome.
Relatively new option on Hellcats is the Demon-like widebody. Buff magazines say that the the wide body and the wider tires makes the Hellcat handle so, so much better. Then they justify their words by showing you a whole bunch of numbers that favor the widebody. I think that’s all bullshit.
The engine still totally overwhelms this new widebody at every tip of the throttle. Yes, in theory, on the track, with great a driver, the widebody Hellcat will be faster through a road course and even on a drag strip. But no one without a racing license, on the street, will see that difference. Opt for the widebody not for its performance but for its bad-ass look.
Disclaimer: Dodge provided this Hellcat for the purpose of me losing my license. They have almost succeeded. All images copyright Kamil Kaluski/Hooniverse 2018.