Lord Vader, Your Car is a Piece of Junk

The Force is strong with this…wait, never mind.

Looking for passage to the Alderaan system? Blast off from Docking Bay 94 in this celebrity-owned! ’83 Camaro, owned by a certain Mr. Lord Vader, Esq.

Luke…it is your destiny.

Star Wars nerds like me will know that it wasn’t James Earl Jones underneath that helmet—it was David Prowse, bodybuilder, weightlifter, a rather tall man, and whose high-pitched West Country accent made him sound like a “farmer,” according to Carrie Fisher. And “OWNED BY DARTH VADER” has a much sexier tinge to it than, say, “OWNED BY SOME OLD JACKED GUY FROM SOUTH ENGLAND.” What, his Tie Advanced x1 was in the shop? But alas, a dime-a-dozen 80s Camaro in America is a comparable rarity in the Old Country, even a non-running one, which in America would serve as fodder for a litany of “you know you’re a redneck” jokes.
So what does the Dark Lord of the Sith roll in when he’s on Corusant scoping out Twi’lek babes? Apparently, a turquoise, left-hand-drive 1983 Camaro Z28 with a 5.0 and a broken automatic. Rather ominously, the seller writes “there is currently no drive from the gearbox in any gear…indicating an internal fault with the gearbox.” Also, the horn doesn’t work, there’s a leak in the power steering, another leak in the exhaust, a shotgun-scattering of liberally spread rust, a stolen carburetor, and a “greeny/turquois” paint job presumably applied with a brush. But don’t despair, because “these 3rd gen camaro’s actually handle rather well too,” and, well, the Brits rather emphasize this “handling” thing.
You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

But the Dark Lord of the Sith doesn’t have to put up with leaky power steering, a blown exhaust, and empty power converters. He’s got admirals to Force-choke, midichlorian counts to brag about, emperors to throw off balconies. Is a celebrity’s name worth a dying F-Body, especially when James Earl Jones is more closely associated with Vader than Prowse? If so, then maybe Kenny Baker will have an easy time getting rid of his Mini Cooper, or Peter Mayhew unloading a 1966 Dodge A-100 pickup. Because that’s definitely what Chewbacca would drive.
She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.

What is thy bidding, master?

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13 responses to “Lord Vader, Your Car is a Piece of Junk”

  1. SirNotAppearing Avatar

    I guess this Camaro FAILED HIM FOR THE LAST TIME!

  2. P161911 Avatar

    Well at least the price is right, about $1000. If you add $500 or so for rarity in the UK and the celebrity status then $500 for a non-runner Z-28 seems about right.

  3. SirNotAppearing Avatar

    I see the liquor's strong with you, Obi Won Keboozey.

    1. Alff Avatar

      Check out the last line of the article in Jalop. I'd say Sam owes you a round.

  4. ChuckyShamrok Avatar

    Should probably check the hatch area for dead bodies, only murderers drive Camaros in the U.K. according to Clarkson, I would also go over it with a black light, I bet Vader is into some kinky stuff.

  5. Alff Avatar

    There's been some misunderstanding. This is Chad Vader's ride.

  6. muthalovin Avatar

    Um, Kessel Run times? Jesus, how do you expect to sell it!?

  7. Jeff Glucker Avatar

    If you buy this car, you MUST play this song on constant loop:
    [youtube F6GIGm_wVow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6GIGm_wVow youtube]

  8. Alff Avatar

    Ah'm yore Pa, Luke.

  9. Maymar Avatar

    A 3rd-gen F-body seems more Son of Skywalker than Vader, especially since they just aren't in demand, ever since the XP-38's came out.

  10. P161911 Avatar

    The mullet is strong in this one.

  11. Mr_Biggles Avatar

    "I'm not interested in telling porkys to make a few quid extra". Porkys? I had to look it up. We in North America need to employ more creativity with the English language.
    I wonder what the very serious race cars are…

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