Last Call: Dennis Nedry would still be alive if he had lockers

You shouldn’t smuggle your employers wares for financial gain. This goes doubly so if your employer is making dinosaurs, and you’re trying to steal the embryos. Dennis Nedry learned this the hard way. Dennis “Newman” Nedry was the computer programmer for Jurassic Park. He met his fate when the YJ-era Jeep Wrangler he was driving got stuck in the mud.

Dennis needed to get out of his Jeep to try and winch himself free. But his moment of off-road failure left a literal door open for a dinosaur attack. Nedry was sprayed in the face by a Dilophosaurus. The first shot startled him, but the second shot landed right in his face. He stumbled back to the Jeep where the dinosaur was waiting to finish its now wounded prey.

An image has appeared on the Internet related to this incident, and it asks an important question. If Dennis had installed lockers instead of his period-correct lightbars, would he still be alive? Add in a set of KM3 tires from BFGoodrich, and Nedry would’ve made it to East Dock. He would’ve collected his pay. And Biosyn would’ve received its dino baby slurry.

So maybe it’s better for the rest of the world, that Dennis’ Jeep was mostly show with little actual off-road go…

Last Call indicates the end of Hooniverse’s broadcast day. It’s meant to be an open forum for anyone and anything. Thread jacking is not only accepted, it’s encouraged.

16 Comments

  1. I’m thinking Montero.

    For the continued integrity of my clavicles, which have been with me since the late 1960s, I’ve decided to switch hobbies from dirt biking to rowing. I recently found this Whitehall on a trailer for $3500; thank god I was in Maine at the time or so help me I’d have owned it by now. It’s a two-person craft so probably more boat than I need. (Boat nerds note: it’s carvel planked rather than lapstrake, bit unusual for a whitehall, and not ideal for a boat that goes in and out of the water a lot.)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f192db3ccf1e54af622dbd7d5e8af27427a346255a0e2d0fff339b485ffb8d2e.jpg

    I think I can sell the DRZ along with all its support bits for at least that much. (*Does the rationalization dace.*) Without the DRZ, I wouldn’t need the Econoline as much anymore, and it’s not my favorite truck anyway. But I would need something that can back down a slippery launch ramp and tow a light trailer. I’m thinking Montero. For some reason my 1991 Econoline is worth about $3000 in this market, and I’ve found some early 2000s Monteros for less than that. (*Justification dance: Finale*)

    Here, for no good reason, is my featured image on my CL ad for the DRZ

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ecac85618de0f829168a979dc01ee10e629cf32c1ede189191a2324b85abb074.jpg

    1. Get a Gen 2.5 blister fender Montero – the same bodystyle Andrew Collins from Jalopnik has. Great shape to that one.
      JOIN THE MONTERO MOVEMENT BROTHER

    2. Get a Gen 2.5 blister fender Montero – the same bodystyle Andrew Collins from Jalopnik has. Great shape to that one.
      JOIN THE MONTERO MOVEMENT BROTHER

      1. “Gen 2.5” is way too trainspotter for me to comprehend as a middle-early cohort Gen X outlying data point. Is that the age where the lemons are all in the junkyard and the statistical survivors are the only ones left? Like the way any Plymouth Arrow Jet you find must be a good car because only the strong survive?

        “Blister Fender”, though will absolutely be my new screen name (trochees! Jesus Fucking Blister Fender Batshit Tubthump!). I guess I’ll have to change my avatar, too, since Scouts are above my pay grade these days. Maybe a pic of a box of flares.

          1. That lead image in the Jalop article is a gen 2.5 blister fender truck, for reference

          1. Yeah, but within the Montero community they call that generation the blister fender truck. You’re totally right though

  2. Other Two Wheel Tuesday – Last Call drek…

    My Honda Africa Twin DCT flagship dual sport adventure motorcycle has got the disease they get. This is a fault that as far as I know only affects the first three years of production, and 2018 and later bikes don’t have it. (DRZ400s had an early production fault, and forevermore loudmouths on the internet tell you you gotta replace that or DOOM! )

    I appreciate online forums, because without them I never would have thought to look for this. The spokes rust. Rusty spokes. When did metal spoked wheels become popular? The penny-farthing? One hundred forty years of steel spoked wheels and Honda (Honda!) manages to manufacture a premium motorcycle with spokes that rust in the first 4000 miles of riding. I’ve had sneakers that lasted longer. I pass by CB750s with bright shiny spokes from the Carter administration every day.

    I don’t think any less of Honda. The modern global manufacturing environment demands that marques take risks on suppliers that may or may not provide what they promise. I’m sure Honda was of the same opinion that no one could fuck up a goddamned spoke. It’s not British Leyland anymore out there. There’s sixteen kajillion other parts in my absolute dream bike and they’re all working fine. Thank the gods it wasn’t a transmission part!

    The annoying part is I put my bike in the shop to have the spokes replaced (under warranty) just as I left for a 2 week vacation and the damned chiselers are literally replacing every single spoke one at a time. Three weeks. No loaner bike. I guess it’s better to keep as many of the original components with the bike as possible, and it’s a nightmare of liability if they take your old wheels whole and replace them; then they’d have used rims & hubs on their hands and a manufacturer can’t bodge together a set of partly used wheels and sell them as new (“remanufactured”). But they can bodge together my wheels from used and new parts (“repaired”).

    If I was king of the world I would pay someone to ride a 2019 Royal Enfield Interceptor with bright shiny spokes everywhere the purchasing agent responsible for this went, right beside them, forever.

    1. Surely the labour cost to replace all the spokes by hand would be more than the cost of a new wheel built using machines in a factory.

      Shit quality materials will do that. I saw a “stainless steel” HVAC duct installation replaced within 2 years because it was rusting through.

    2. Chinese steel, especially the recycled stuff, has impurities that can cause problems. A couple of container ships lost their Chinese anchors off the West Coast a few years back- could have been a pretty big deal.
      Copper, especially, can find its way in to the mix and causes galvanic corrosion when it gets wet- almost guaranteed to rust.

    3. Three allen keys? Aren’t we fancy! My Honda came with one allen key mounted to the bottom of the seat, which you were expected to use to un-bolt the “tool kit” mounted behind the engine in what looks like an airbox cover. In there you’ll find a vinyl pouch containing a fuse puller and a screwdriver. Good luck finding anything on the bike that has a philips head screw to drive, though.

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