JuggaLambo: A short tribute to the Pontiac Grand Prix GTP

This is the 1997-2003 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. It features a supercharged V6, a heads-up display, a gimmicky car information center, a CD player with seven-band equalizer, five-spoke alloy wheels, a trunklid spoiler, so much body cladding, weird lines, acceptable crash test ratings (Take that, Grand Am!), and probably water in the taillights. This is an attainable aspirational vehicle in the downtrodden and depressed parts of the Rust Belt. This is the JuggaLambo.
What then, dear readers, is the JuggaLexus?
[Photo: ProductionCars.com]


    1. The Diamonte in USA had a different nose. This looks like it was carved by the guy who works at Ssanyong in Korea…yuck!

          1. I think you actually lose car guy cred when you know a lot o specifics about Mitsubishi sedans not named Evo.

  1. Before I traded in my Bonneville GXP, I had someone in a Grand Prix GTP try to race me at least once per week on my commute. Unless there were significant mods, the GXP will eat the GTP alive.

  2. Can the correct answer for the JuggaLexus be anything other than the Prix’s fat, lazy cousin, the LeSabre?
    I submit that it cannot.

      1. In general, my thought is “Whatever GM luxury car they’ve inherited from an older dead relative,” but the LeSabre is a solid example thereof.

    1. Fat and lazy is perhaps too far. These were only 3600 lb for a full size car, and performance wasn’t bad with the optional F41 suspension and numerically-higher final drive ratio. Honestly, I’d take one over a real FWD Lexus any day.

      1. I think, friend, that if you search your heart, you may discover that you’re overthinking it a touch.

        1. I am a professional scientist. They don’t pay me to underthink things.
          There’s nothing wrong with offering a defense for an often misunderstood car.

          1. What?? Someone is paying you to think about what luxury car a Juggalo would aspire to!?
            Hey Jeff! Where’s my check!?

    2. Condition notwithstanding, this is exactly what I came in here to post. Once actualized, they look like they just ran from the cops through a corn field, which they probably have.

    1. I feel like this thing is shapeshifting while I look at it. What a bizarre…thing…this was.

    2. Gah, all these new names!
      Citric = Devin,
      The Rusty Hub = Eric Rood
      I’ll need a to get back on an even keel.

  3. Late Oldsmobile 98, especially with the skirted rear wheels for maximum Guido appeal. Perfect car for four stoner guys and a random number of skeezy chicks to live out their pretend-badass fantasies.

  4. I had a Bonneville SSEi, same thing as the GTP, but in a slightly bigger wrapper. Absolutely the worst vehicle I have ever owned. Bought it new and it was a hangar queen almost from day one. When it ran, it ran like a scalded dog. When it broke, it had to be carried off the Interstate no fewer than 7 times in 4 years. Too bad … it was a really nice ride.

    1. As I’ve said elsewhere, the pinnacle/lowpoint of the JuggaLexus LH is obviously going to be an Eagle Vision with long-disappeared clearcoat over ’90s teal paint.

    2. I loved mine, and made sure to keep it as unskeezy as possible. It even had polyurethane subframe bushings!

      1. If you can keep up with the maintenance, they’re A+ highway cruisers (like the Grand Prix, actually) and have more-than-adequate of power from that V6.

    3. “never seemed to fix the sagging rear suspension”
      Are we still talking about the car, here?

    1. my dad had one of these! a ’97, he bought it like three or four years used.
      i won’t deny that it’s got juggalo appeal these days, and we did have it a little too long for it to be acceptable in polite society, but that car was great! never a problem that wasn’t caused by smashing it into things (my family is terrible at driving), two tons of power, a great sound system, heated leather seats, air suspension…it was a pretty sick ride, man.

  5. I am going to go with the 2008 Buick Lacrosse Super.
    5.3L V8
    Understated but fun.

    1. Too new and therefore too expensive for the typical Juggalo demographic (and employment/employability level).

      1. Indeed. I’ll wager there aren’t too many LaCrosse drivers with facial tattoos.

  6. Pontiac Sunfire. The chariot of Midwestern Juggalettes. Droney exhaust with wire hanger keeping it off the road. CD holder on sun visor. Stay out of their way if you know what’s good for you.

  7. Juggalexus? Their torn up nikes to take their asses from one jugga-hoe’s house to the next. I find this morbidly offensive but thought I’d contribute.

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