Environmentalists everywhere are weeping into their Whole Foods Market Organic Pomegranate Blueberry Italian Spritzer as we speak. Why? Because California recently decided to pull the HOV access carpet from under them. No more can a Prius owner do 15 under the speed limit while another simultaneously rides 2 nanometers off your rear bumper in the High Occupancy Vehicle lane, that hallowed example of traffic engineering designed to push the definition of carpooling to “just two people!” Truly, it is a sad day for hybrid owners everywhere: something truly valuable has been wrested from their nurturing bosoms. Something they have cherished for years, gone, disappeared almost in an instant, and never to return. Nothing will ever be the same again. Cleveland residents are sharing their pain.
But you see, this opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
The sticker above has been floating around the ether and eBay for quite some time now. It’s a raised middle finger to the world of hybrid privilege, a direct shot at all that highflautin’ snobbery. Unsurprisingly, it’s practically begging to be placed on the back of a Hummer, a Hurst Olds, an AMC Marlin Fastback, anything with more horsepower than a Duesenberg SJ, a Duesenberg SJ. But now that Herr Schwarzenegger has leveled the playing field, so to speak, there’s really no point anymore.
Ethical implications of neutering aside, what would be the ideal car ? And I don’t mean “ideal” as the car the sticker is intended for—you can only shout “Honda Insight!” so many times before Our Fair Commentariat starts twiddling its collective thumbs before going off to look up Turbo-Hydramatic transmissions on German Craigslist. No, what car would you put a Hybrid Access sticker for maximum ironic/humorous/social commenting effect?