Hooniverse Asks: What’s a better Taycan model name?

Kamil Kaluski
38

Comments

Porsche is known for having ridiculous model names for the 31 flavors of each vehicle they make. The new electric Porsche, the Taycan was just revealed. It currently has two model names – Turbo and Turbo S. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these EVs do not actually have any turbos attached to their motors. But yet, here we are.

Today we ask – what should have Porsche used as model names of the Taycan?

About

Kamil Kaluski

Kamil Kaluski

East Coast Editor. Races crappy cars and has an unhealthy obsession with Eastern Bloc cars. Current fleet: 4Runner, Integra, Regal, Lada

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38 responses to “Hooniverse Asks: What’s a better Taycan model name?”

  1. nanoop Avatar
    nanoop

    I’d take a Taycan DOHC.

    Reply
  2. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    Carrera SC GT8 S Targa E

    Reply
    1. Monkey10is Avatar
      Monkey10is

      I’m waiting for the Carrera SC GT8 S Targa E-RS Lightweight Club ‘Bergspunker’.

      Reply
  3. Sjalabais Avatar
    Sjalabais

    Non-tacky AC/DC technical terms? Tesla is really doing something right with “ludicrous”-mode and such. Just start afresh.

    Reply
    1. Michael Stoops Avatar
      Michael Stoops

      OK, so “ludicrous” mode is taken from Spaceballs – there’s “light speed”, then “ridiculous speed” is faster and “ludicrous speed” is faster still. Porsche can harken back to their roots a bit and go for “plaid” which, in Spaceballs-speak, is the fastest of them all. They just need to figure out how to make the seats change to a classic Porsche plaid appearance when you select that mode. That would be nuts!!

      Reply
      1. Sjalabais Avatar
        Sjalabais

        Of course! I forgot that. Porsche is probably taking itself way too serious to go down that same route.

        Reply
      2. Eric Rucker Avatar
        Eric Rucker

        Note that the upcoming Tesla Roadster will have “Maximum Plaid”.

        Which implies that there’s also a regular plaid.

        Reply
    2. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Their imagination must have been Taycan.

      Edit – I apologise to all for my lack of pun imagination…

      Reply
  4. ptschett Avatar
    ptschett

    I’m willing to forgive this if I can deactivate the turbo mode to slow it down to 4.77 MPH.

    Reply
    1. 0A5599 Avatar
      0A5599

      Beat me to it.

      https://static.techspot.com/images2/trivia/bigimage/2017/2017-03-17-image.jpg

      Reply
      1. Sjalabais Avatar
        Sjalabais

        I had one of those! Then a friend got a 200 MHz PC – didn’t believe him at first.

        Reply
  5. mdharrell Avatar
    mdharrell

    Just go with Taycan L5 Autonomous and explain somewhere towards the back of the owner’s manual that the name is just a name, unrelated to any actual features. That should be fine.

    Reply
  6. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Taycan XR, Taycan XS, Taycan XS Max

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Sounds like Peugeot models 20-30 years ago

      Reply
      1. Alff Avatar
        Alff

        It’s the iPhone lineup. Seems fitting.

        Reply
        1. outback_ute Avatar
          outback_ute

          Wow, how out of touch am I… I did know they have more than one version now, but it’s not something that matters in my life.

          Reply
  7. Michael Stoops Avatar
    Michael Stoops

    Taycan Flat-E and Taycan Flat-ES. Porsche says they’re using “turbo” because it relates to naming conventions of their other cars. Why not throw back to your roots and reference the horizontally opposed cylinder layout of your early cars, but add the “E” designation since the Taycan is all electric? The battery packs are basically flat under the floor, so it still kinda holds true regardless. And then I read back everything I just typed and, well, this kinda sounds like shyte, too. Hell, even “Taycan” sounds stupid.

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Would appeal to flat earthers at least

      Reply
    2. nanoop Avatar
      nanoop

      Plus one for the musical theory aspect.
      Fun fact, E flat is called “Es” in German.

      Reply
    3. Monkey10is Avatar
      Monkey10is

      If you are marketing your first battery powered car — ‘flat’ is not a good name.

      Reply
      1. Michael Stoops Avatar
        Michael Stoops

        LOL! Part of my reason for slamming my own comment at the end!!

        Reply
  8. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    I know Electric Boogaloo is cliche, but Taycan 2: Electric Boogaloo.

    Otherwise, do they own the trademark for Lohner?

    https://drive-my.com/images/1900-Lohner-Porsche-1.jpg

    Reply
    1. Eric Rucker Avatar
      Eric Rucker

      Bombardier owns it and uses it for light rail vehicle production.

      (And, how Bombardier owns Rotax? Yeah, that was part of that – Lohner had bought Rotax for motorscooter engines, and Rotax came with that deal.)

      Reply
    2. Tiberiuswise Avatar
      Tiberiuswise

      Taycan II Turbo Boogaloo

      Reply
  9. nanoop Avatar
    nanoop

    Porsche Der Porsche is next, btw.

    Reply
    1. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Off topic quotd – when was the first version of that? Chrysler by Chrysler to start, launched 1971
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21a642cf167fdbef391828b70534ee5fcb7ab662bf6d25833cbb0939cf85a92d.jpg

      Reply
      1. 0A5599 Avatar
        0A5599

        Not quite the same thing, but the only model ever manufactured by the Continental Division was the Continental Mark II, 1956-7.

        http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zyAeq3FZhNU/UHxVJ43yAhI/AAAAAAAAJ7w/VpxI03Xo7No/s1600/546295_10151240540985049_837671258_n.jpg

        Reply
  10. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    Taycan a very roundabout way to finally appease the not-a-real-Porch-unless-it’s-air-cooled crowd.

    Reply
  11. neight428 Avatar
    neight428

    There has to be some horrendously unpronounceable 33 letter German word associated with electric engineering. Go with that.

    Reply
    1. nanoop Avatar
      nanoop

      29: Gleichstromreihenschlussmotor (DC current series-characteristics motor), but you can expand, ahem, easily:
      Gleichstromreihenschlussmotoranschlusssteckergehäuseverschlusskappe (the flap on a connecting plug’s housing that’s hooked to said motor) – that’s a bit artificial though, shop talk would go “hand me that Deckel”

      Reply
  12. Zentropy Avatar
    Zentropy

    Isn’t it pronounced “tie-can”? Honestly, there’s nothing you can do that makes “Taycan” sound not-dumb-as-hell. I know it’s supposed to mean “spirited foal” or something, but that just makes it sound more stupid.

    Maybe they should take the “LaFerrari” route and rename it “DerPorsche”. Or go for the obvious with Blitz or Funke.

    Reply
    1. Monkey10is Avatar
      Monkey10is

      Or just recall their history and call it ‘Tiger’
      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/94/Tiger_131_%287527948486%29.jpg

      Reply
    2. Monkey10is Avatar
      Monkey10is

      Or just recall their history and call it ‘Tiger’
      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/94/Tiger_131_%287527948486%29.jpg

      Reply
    3. outback_ute Avatar
      outback_ute

      Blitz is historically an Opel name, plus might not work in some demographics.

      Reply
  13. Monkey10is Avatar
    Monkey10is

    Taycan Out with the Garbage?

    Taycan The Piss?

    Tayc Me to Your Leader?

    Tayc a Chance on Me?

    Reply
  14. Vairship Avatar
    Vairship

    Taycan NayCat
    Taycan TanCay
    Taycan Yatcan
    Taycan Naayct
    or

    Porsche Taycan PorchSE
    Porsche Taycan Perchso
    Porsche Taycan Cherpso

    Reply
    1. ptschett Avatar
      ptschett

      Porsche Nyancat

      Reply
  15. Kernel Panik Avatar
    Kernel Panik

    Taycan Gauss
    Taycan Gausss S
    Taycan Zap (with available “don’t overheat” mode)

    But the one you want is the “Taycan Turbo S NOS edition with water methanol injection”. That’s just the trim name; it doesn’t actually have any forced induction or chemical intercooling.

    Reply
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