Hooniverse Asks: What’s a better Taycan model name?

Porsche is known for having ridiculous model names for the 31 flavors of each vehicle they make. The new electric Porsche, the Taycan was just revealed. It currently has two model names – Turbo and Turbo S. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that these EVs do not actually have any turbos attached to their motors. But yet, here we are.

Today we ask – what should have Porsche used as model names of the Taycan?

38 Comments

  1. Non-tacky AC/DC technical terms? Tesla is really doing something right with “ludicrous”-mode and such. Just start afresh.

    1. OK, so “ludicrous” mode is taken from Spaceballs – there’s “light speed”, then “ridiculous speed” is faster and “ludicrous speed” is faster still. Porsche can harken back to their roots a bit and go for “plaid” which, in Spaceballs-speak, is the fastest of them all. They just need to figure out how to make the seats change to a classic Porsche plaid appearance when you select that mode. That would be nuts!!

      1. Of course! I forgot that. Porsche is probably taking itself way too serious to go down that same route.

  2. Just go with Taycan L5 Autonomous and explain somewhere towards the back of the owner’s manual that the name is just a name, unrelated to any actual features. That should be fine.

        1. Wow, how out of touch am I… I did know they have more than one version now, but it’s not something that matters in my life.

  3. Taycan Flat-E and Taycan Flat-ES. Porsche says they’re using “turbo” because it relates to naming conventions of their other cars. Why not throw back to your roots and reference the horizontally opposed cylinder layout of your early cars, but add the “E” designation since the Taycan is all electric? The battery packs are basically flat under the floor, so it still kinda holds true regardless. And then I read back everything I just typed and, well, this kinda sounds like shyte, too. Hell, even “Taycan” sounds stupid.

    1. Bombardier owns it and uses it for light rail vehicle production.

      (And, how Bombardier owns Rotax? Yeah, that was part of that – Lohner had bought Rotax for motorscooter engines, and Rotax came with that deal.)

  4. There has to be some horrendously unpronounceable 33 letter German word associated with electric engineering. Go with that.

    1. 29: Gleichstromreihenschlussmotor (DC current series-characteristics motor), but you can expand, ahem, easily:
      Gleichstromreihenschlussmotoranschlusssteckergeh√§useverschlusskappe (the flap on a connecting plug’s housing that’s hooked to said motor) – that’s a bit artificial though, shop talk would go “hand me that Deckel”

  5. Isn’t it pronounced “tie-can”? Honestly, there’s nothing you can do that makes “Taycan” sound not-dumb-as-hell. I know it’s supposed to mean “spirited foal” or something, but that just makes it sound more stupid.

    Maybe they should take the “LaFerrari” route and rename it “DerPorsche”. Or go for the obvious with Blitz or Funke.

  6. Taycan NayCat
    Taycan TanCay
    Taycan Yatcan
    Taycan Naayct
    or

    Porsche Taycan PorchSE
    Porsche Taycan Perchso
    Porsche Taycan Cherpso

  7. Taycan Gauss
    Taycan Gausss S
    Taycan Zap (with available “don’t overheat” mode)

    But the one you want is the “Taycan Turbo S NOS edition with water methanol injection”. That’s just the trim name; it doesn’t actually have any forced induction or chemical intercooling.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

The maximum upload file size: 64 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded. Drop files here