Hooniverse Asks: What has Been the Most Smirk-Inducing Rich Person's Car

Lexus_SC_430_Tiger_Eye_Mica
I remember, years back, reading a column in the British magazine CAR in which the writer bemoaned the negatives of his Aston Martin V8 and sang the praises of his McLaren F1. I thought, who is this pretentious snob? It turns out it was Rowan Atkinson. My bad.
As Donald Trump has most recently proved, rich people aren’t like you and me. The thing of it is, much like Trump, being rich doesn’t immediately imbue you with the capacity for class, and in some situations money only amplifies tacky taste. What we’re interested in today is your opinion on which car has been the worst rich-person’s play thing. What factory car aimed at the well to do do you look at and think, it’s not so bad being poor?
Image: Wikipedia

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The maximum upload file size: 64 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded. Drop files here

  1. Kiefmo Avatar
    Kiefmo

    “I’m a real Jag!”
    “No. No you are not. You are a Mondeo/Contour/Mystique aping an XJ.”
    http://www.moibbk.com/images/jaguar-xtype-6.jpg

    1. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      Still wouldn’t say no to an AWD wagon..

      1. Kiefmo Avatar
        Kiefmo

        I would. Sounds like a maintenance nightmare.

        1. nanoop Avatar
          nanoop

          Wagons are great to maintain – lots of spare parts will fit in there.

          1. Sjalabais Avatar
            Sjalabais

            I almost went on a 400km trip to look at an X type wagon in BRG with cream leather. Then I remembered how I have two kids and I really cherish not feeling poor anymore; none of this is compliant with buying an X type wagon. So I satisfied my need for the weird with a rare Honda van instead.

          2. nanoop Avatar
            nanoop

            Being not poor is blunt, the sensation stems from the transition from ‘poor’ to ‘not poor’. Meandering between ‘not owning’ and ‘owning’ a Jaguar would help you experiencing this sensation over and over again!

          3. Sjalabais Avatar
            Sjalabais

            Though you certainly have a valid point, I’m not ready yet to live on the edge like that. It would be interesting to build on that idea for advertising purposes though.

    2. tonyola Avatar
      tonyola

      It might not be a real Jag but I still think it looks better than the late, unlamented S-type.

      1. Kiefmo Avatar
        Kiefmo

        I always thought the S-type looked sharp, so that point is lost on me.

        1. kogashiwa Avatar
          kogashiwa

          As a retro design from when those were the Thing To Do, it works at least as well as a New Beetle or a Thunderbird, I think.

        2. Tanshanomi Avatar

          I agree. Let us leave pretty cars to men of no imagination.

      2. dukeisduke Avatar
        dukeisduke

        James May called the S-Type “what Americans think a Jaguar is supposed to look like”. The front hasn’t aged all that well, but I like it overall.

        1. Tanshanomi Avatar

          S-types are so unloved, they must have hit the absurd part of the depreciation curve. [Heads off to check local Craigslist ads, returns] Nope, not nearly as bargain-basement as I expected. For the $3-5K people are asking for these, I could get a pre-HE XJS *and* a fresh SBC swap.

          1. JayP Avatar
            JayP

            S Types are maintenance disasters. Make the Audi look like Model T’s.

      3. crank_case Avatar
        crank_case

        In the middle on the S-Types looks, not terrible, but a bit too much in late 90s/early 00s retro thing that also begat the Thunderbird (with which it shared a platform if I’m not mistaken). Lovely used buy here though if you’re looking for cheap luxury, off set by having to pay half the value every year in “motor tax”, but if I needed a daily, I could possibly make the man maths work. https://www.donedeal.ie/cars-for-sale/jaguar-s-type-2-5-v6-luxury/13084918

        1. kogashiwa Avatar
          kogashiwa

          upvoted for “man maths”

        2. Sjalabais Avatar
          Sjalabais

          The Rover 75 is a car that sounds good as an idea. But its cockpit is so obnoxiously retro-modern! It looks like grandma microwaved an iPhone and a Victorian era watch, and I wouldn’t want to look at it more than I need to.
          http://petrolblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/img_4093.jpg

          1. nanoop Avatar
            nanoop

            ..and that was nearly a decade before the iphone was introduced – Rover, design innovation at the very edge of the future!

        3. Rover 1 Avatar
          Rover 1

          They drive better too. And outsold the S-Type despite having way less dealers.

    3. M BL Avatar
      M BL

      XJs are a real jag on the cheap 15 year later.
      X308 with a supercharger come with a Mercedes transmission. Reliability goes way up when you stay away from ZF trannys. Valve train issues they had from day one were fixed in later versions of the tensioners. Replace those, and youre golden.
      XJR and the more rare Vanden Plas SC (Super V8 for you on the other side of the pond) can be had for a similar price to the crappy S-type.
      380hp, 0-60 in 5 seconds in a 3000lb+ rearwheel drive 4 door. Hoon times to be had. Only downside is no Limited slip on x308’s. I would count the lack of a manual option, but the mercedes auto shifts really nice and jaguar’s J shifter almost makes you feel like youre in control of it.

  2. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    Does it count if other rich people didn’t fall for it?
    https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–6NXzjTbq–/18n24339zj8fmjpg.jpg

  3. crank_case Avatar
    crank_case

    Rezvani Beast ..in isolation, a total blast I’m sure, but if you’re willing to pay 200k for an Ariel Atom with some bodywork, but still no real weather protection, you really do have too much money. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sgjymgHvjDE/VqezNgT202I/AAAAAAAAMkE/JEGBDaZlhN0/s1600/Rezvani-Beast-1.jpg

      1. crank_case Avatar
        crank_case

        It’s cool until you realize you can have an Atom AND a Nomad, and possibly change for a responsible grown ups car.

  4. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    “It’s not a Sentra”
    “It’s a Sentra”

    1. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      Nope, it’s a 1st/2nd gen Primera, sort of like Peugeot 405 that works. The Sentra is based off the smaller Sunny.

      1. nanoop Avatar
        nanoop

        I like the Peugeot bit of your definition – although Peugeots didn’t occur to me as “not working properly”.

        1. crank_case Avatar
          crank_case

          Mechanical bits – tough as old boots, apart from the odd alternator bracket. The bits that left my 205 stranded in rural tipperary tended to be the only German bits of the car, the Bosch electrics (though one could argue it’s the wiring up and not the components)

      2. M BL Avatar
        M BL

        I’ve owned two of those. SR20’s are a great motor, just gotta get one with a 5speed. I particularly liked that at a glance no one could name what type of car it was. Good for hooning, “I don’t know Officer, maybe it was a Honda”.
        And with a decent set of tires and some cheap coil overs they’ll pull a G.

    2. kogashiwa Avatar
      kogashiwa

      “rich person”

      1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
        Wayne Moyer

        After the rich man’s Jag it seemed safe.

    3. engineerd Avatar
      engineerd

      See Also: Cadillac Caterra; Lexus ES

  5. kogashiwa Avatar
    kogashiwa

    … am I the only one that actually really likes the SC430?
    (probably)
    It was panned for not being a good driver’s car but that was never what it was about – it was essentially the car version of a Chris Craft cedar runabout.
    Also get rid of the ghastly stock wheels and it’s vastly improved.

    1. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      Did they ever sort the ride quality? ..to me that was the main criticism, I can take a soft GT think in the mould of 70s Merc SLs if it does the floaty wafty cruising around thing.
      I think its main problem in life was trying to fill the shoes of the lovely Soarer/SC400 http://www.lexusaustralia.org/gallery_images/2006/Large%20Images/Rouges/Canberra_Soarer02.jpg

      1. dukeisduke Avatar
        dukeisduke

        I liked the early SC400, before they started adding chrome bits and the grill in front.

        1. JayP Avatar
          JayP

          The SC300 was the one to get… straight 6 with a manual trans. I’d seen just a few. None in the last 10 years though.

          1. kogashiwa Avatar
            kogashiwa

            Plenty of 1JZ-GTE Soarers here in Canada now 🙂

          2. crank_case Avatar
            crank_case

            Turbo 6 ones with 1JZ-GTE are common enough here (Ireland) as JDM import Soarers, (pretty much no restrictions on import). I think it’s the one to have, but then again there’s the rare UZZ32 V8 with active suspension and 4 wheel steer.

      2. kogashiwa Avatar
        kogashiwa

        That generation Soarer was such a perfect design.
        No idea about the ride quality. I’ve never driven one, but was always given to understand it was soft and disconnected, which I felt was quite appropriate for the car’s mission. I might be wrong.

        1. crank_case Avatar
          crank_case

          Early ones were criticized for surprisingly poor primary ride, not soaking up the low speed bumps, while at the same time, like you say, being soft and disconnected when you push on. You expect the latter in the Merc SL/Jag XJS sort of end of the market, but in that sort of a car, the first is unforgiveable. I know they did revise it later, but maybe the damage was done. Sort of like Alfa 155s, the later cars are almost like a totally different cars to the first ones.

    2. dukeisduke Avatar
      dukeisduke

      I like the brown one at the top, and the wheels on it. It could have been better were it not so blobby looking. It got a reputation as a chick car (okay, a rich fiftysomething or sixtysomething chick car), which limited its sales.

      1. kogashiwa Avatar
        kogashiwa

        Yeah those wheels are a lot better than the first ones. I have no idea what they were going for with these:

    3. AlexG55 Avatar
      AlexG55

      As I always say when the SC430 comes up- it was the last car that came with a cassette player.

  6. onrails Avatar
    onrails

    Any XLR comes close, but the Nieman Marcus Edition XLR “with Bulgari branded chronograph style analog gauges and matching Bulgari watch” seals the deal.

    1. Lokki Avatar
      Lokki

      I got to drive an XLR for about an hour back when they were new. I really didn’t care for it. The interior was spacious, but the seats weren’t much, so the feeling was kind of like sitting on a sawed-off kitchen chair bolted to the floor of a pick-up truck somebody had sawed the roof off. Sadly the stiff ride quality reinforced that impression – a roofless pick-up with a big V-8. The thing just seemed cheap, but maybe that’s because my poor-man background made me think the zebra-wood console looked like plywood.

  7. Van_Sarockin Avatar
    Van_Sarockin

    New Rolls-Royce.

  8. nanoop Avatar
    nanoop

    I keep saying “Bad taste doesn’t necessarily have to be cheap” – but a car doesn’t have to be ugly to make me smirk.
    The way many 911s are used today, and looking at their options lists (leather covered everything…), makes me wonder why they didn’t get an S-Klasse Coupe in the first place – a car as expensive exclusive, luxurious, there is overlap in the available performance, if you need more flamboyant looks and worse sportier suspension, take the GT.
    The other pet peeve are side walls shorter than 2″ on the wheels – people paid (sometimes a lot) extra to experience harsher suspension, road noise, higher prices (well who cares) less choice for new rubber, and a sudden loss of grip in the extremes, instead of squealing first, then pushing, then loss of grip. Yeah but they are faster around the roundabout track” you say – you are not Senna, he would beat you in a Corsa through mental strength alone.
    I used to shake my head at tarmac-scraping, rabbit-hole sized exhaust systems, but now I just smile – I guess I would do that, too. I’ll wait until age ate my hearing sense first, though.

  9. CruisinTime Avatar
    CruisinTime

    Since you mentioned Donald,Here is my hopeful prediction.

    1. engineerd Avatar
      engineerd

      Is it bad that I hope that whoever is the eventual winner is impeached and kicked out of office so their running mate can take over?

      1. Tiller188 Avatar
        Tiller188

        The irony to me is that, based on the approval levels of the candidates from the two major parties, this is theoretically probably the best chance for a third-party candidate that has existed in a long time…and yet, I suspect that precisely because the two major candidates are so divisive and because of the media maelstrom surrounding them, any alternatives will get lost in the shuffle just as much as always if not more so.
        Pity, as I find Gary Johnson a better choice than either.

        1. Sjalabais Avatar
          Sjalabais

          Jay Leno for president?

      2. ptschett Avatar
        ptschett

        It’s more likely than my hoped-for scenario: Johnson or McMullin getting enough electoral votes to deny Trump or Clinton a majority, so the decision has to be made by congress.

    2. CruisinTime Avatar
      CruisinTime

      Not that he is so great,just that Hillary is so bad for this country.

    3. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      I have nothing on Hilary (from the outside, she just seems like a typical establishment politician), but the possibility of Trump as president seems truly terrifying as I’m not sure he believes anything he says, and there’s little indication of what he’d actually do if elected (except declare bankruptcy and call it a huge success). I’m just thankful our biggest concern up here is if the PM is using his nipples as a diversion.

      1. CruisinTime Avatar
        CruisinTime

        Presidents are surrounded by many smart people,they can do little on their own.Donald will do just fine.

        1. Rover 1 Avatar
          Rover 1

          Soo… It wasn’t Obama’s fault then?
          http://t.qkme.me/3rk8z6.jpg

          1. CruisinTime Avatar
            CruisinTime

            Trolling again???

    4. Citric Avatar
      Citric

      As a Canadian, please get better at picking presidential candidates so I don’t have to hear about people threatening to move here if the other one wins.

      1. Rover 1 Avatar
        Rover 1

        As a New Zealander, and for the same reason, I concur.

    5. longrooffan Avatar
      longrooffan

      With this olelongrooffan is as apolitical as anyone can be, this dude is my first choice this election cycle.

    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      I’d totally rock it.

  10. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    $85,000 Volkswagens with unsynchronized ash trays.
    http://hooniverse.info/2013/01/21/what-vw-phaeton-owners-complain-about/

  11. The Real Number_Six Avatar
    The Real Number_Six

    The profit margins on this hunk of 1980’s tech must be stupendous. Most idiotic customer award goes to: http://host.eznettools.net/~X354567/Lexani-Escalade-Front-Chrome-grille.jpg

    1. Kiefmo Avatar
      Kiefmo

      Considering a fully-optioned one gets within spitting distance of 100k, I think we’ve got a winner here.

      1. The Real Number_Six Avatar
        The Real Number_Six

        Just for fun I optioned one to $103,000 here in darkest Canuckistan. For a tarted-up Chevy truck! https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/65357831.jpg

    2. Krautwursten Avatar
      Krautwursten

      I’ve been saying this for years. The extent to which people fall for a fancy Silverado with a hatch is worrying. At least the current one has finally gained an acceptable interior, but that generation still looks like a landscaper’s truck on the inside, only with some woodgrain stickers on the center console.

  12. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Graceful, with timeless beauty…

    1. Kiefmo Avatar
      Kiefmo

      This is the best angle to see one of these. It diminishes that enormous bustle somewhat.

      1. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
        dead_elvis, inc.

        No, the best angle is from inside.

    2. longrooffan Avatar
      longrooffan

      The new darling of stretch limo builders.

  13. Tanshanomi Avatar

    I think to win this crown, it has to be pretentious, mechanically cheap AND totally graceless. Thus, I submit the Chrysler Executive Sedan.
    http://static1.squarespace.com/static/5151b481e4b01fd1f7075ea1/540358ffe4b054b7dab72840/54035901e4b08ed37aab4f6e/1409505547494/chrysler_executive_1.jpeg

    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      I suspect most of these were pressed in to livery service by second-rate hotels and funeral homes.

      1. Tanshanomi Avatar

        Wouldn’t they have sprung for the 7-passenger limo, though? The Executive was intended for the individual who didn’t need the extra 7 inches in length.
        EDIT: wow, I already know where y’all are going to go with this, but no double entendre intended.

        1. Alff Avatar
          Alff

          I think length is likely sufficient but girth is wholly inadequate.

    2. Sjalabais Avatar
      Sjalabais

      Dynamic wannabe executives? I’d take any of these in a heartbeat!

    3. salguod Avatar

      There was one of these parked in a side yard not too far from my old house. It’s visible on street view from 2009-2014, but gone from the most current image.
      https://www.google.com/maps/@39.9528481,-83.1453404,3a,75y,282.63h,66.55t/data=!3m7!1e1!3m5!1suZakmKPgikMpQZzSmil1qA!2e0!5s20140701T000000!7i13312!8i6656!6m1!1e1

      1. salguod Avatar

        Actually, looking closer, I think it’s the limo:

    4. Rudy™ Avatar
      Rudy™

      I remember seeing this POS on TV–I think they were showing the celebrity preview for the Detroit Auto Show. All the GM execs showing up in their top of the line cars (Caddy, Lincoln, etc.)…and here comes Lee Iaccoca getting out of his dumpy stretched K-car…I literally laughed out loud at how ridiculous it looked at the time.

  14. Lokki Avatar
    Lokki

    I’m not sure that technically speaking this particular example qualifies because it’s been customized a little, but I’d argue that a uncustomized Hummer H1 on its own ‘merits’ and that what Dennis Rodman did to it is just, well,
    The Icing On The Cake so to speak….

    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      It’s what Lambo guy looks for in a bike.

    1. The Real Number_Six Avatar
      The Real Number_Six

      So, like, what is different about a BMW wheelie bin? The cost? Is it made of expensiver plastic? Why does a bin need to be plugged in? So many questions… http://www.mobilestorage.com.au/assets/alt_1/MSWB3210P.jpg

      1. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar
        BigRedCaveTroll

        I think the main difference that I’ve seen is people occasionally live in standard wheelie bins, but I’ve never seen a person live in a BMW wheelie bin. Maybe the cost is a big factor for that, or perhaps the people living in them prefer the durability and aesthetics of a standard wheelie bin over the BMW wheelie bin.

      2. nanoop Avatar
        nanoop

        It’s a carbon fiber bin. I’m passing through a BMW lot a couple of times a week and get to see the repair candidates, and the amount of cf under the painted panels reminds me of this:
        http://www.cinema52.com/2013/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Terminator11.jpg

    2. Rover 1 Avatar
      Rover 1

      We need the i3s though, to keep giving birth to new 911s,(like that one is).
      Otherwise where do the Porsches come from?

      1. crank_case Avatar
        crank_case

        I like the i3, it’s an incredibly focused car, it is to an urban environment what a Radical or Atom is to track days, there’s a rationale behind its odd looks, like the Fiat Multipla, so I can’t hate on it. Also the interior is way nicer than most 1/3 series. You can’t really justify it in economic terms vs. a Honda Fit or other small car, but if you have the cash, this is probably one of the finest city dweller vehicles ever designed. Well apart from the mighty 1990s Fiat Cinquecento. :o)

  15. Citric Avatar
    Citric

    What do you say when you wreck someone’s Bentley? Man, Sory.
    http://autoguide.com.vsassets.com/blog/wp-content/gallery/mansory-bentley-gtc/Mansory-Bentley-GTC-1.jpg

  16. Sjalabais Avatar
    Sjalabais

    Have you tried to forget the 1.1 million $ Youabian Puma? You did right.
    http://www.ctvnews.ca/polopoly_fs/1.1559037.1385388321!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_620/image.jpg

    1. nanoop Avatar
      nanoop

      Yes we tried. You annihilated our efforts, thanks.
      Also, I wasn’t aware how huge that thing is – the man surely is 5ft or taller.

  17. 0A5599 Avatar
  18. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    http://www.maderaconcepts.com/NewSite/VehiclePages/vehicle_images/rolls-royce/1987%20Rolls%20Royce%20Corniche%20Convert/1987%20RR%20Right%20side%20of%20Dash.jpg
    One look at the generic AC Delco radio in late 80’s Rolls Royces, and Warren Buffett’s Town Car makes a ton of sense. There’s certain things that justify the cost (easier to say when you can pick a decent one up for the price of a new mid-sized sedan), but mostly, it’s diminishing returns.

  19. Rudy™ Avatar
    Rudy™

    It didn’t come from the factory this way, but during our city’s annual charity cruise, one of the “Pointers” shows up in this ghastly-colored Rolls, looking totally out of place alongside all the musclecars and classics. The phrase “tacky taste” comes to mind along with, “I wish I had a *real* classic car so I could play in the sandbox with the big boys.”

    1. Rover 1 Avatar
      Rover 1

      Some dark brown,(or let’s face it, ANY other colour), over that purple would fix that.

    2. Sjalabais Avatar
      Sjalabais

      Puts me in a bind. I’d like to insist “it’s his car and if he likes it that way”…but…no. Looks so wrong.

    3. Krautwursten Avatar
      Krautwursten

      Your comment on the “real classic car” would be appropriate if it was the run-of-the-mill four door Silver Shadow, but the Corniche has been built in five times fewer numbers, and that includes the coupe, which makes it rare and classic enough in my understanding. The paint job really is unacceptable though.

      1. nanoop Avatar
        nanoop

        “I know what I have” – but exactly my thought, this is pretty rare – even one of a kind…
        I wonder if purple leather would fix it….

      2. Lokki Avatar
        Lokki

        He should have saved the money he spent on paint to put towards the cost of replacing the brakes….he’ll get all the purple he wants then – in his face.

%d bloggers like this: