Hooniverse Asks: …So what the hell is this?

About a year and a half ago, I was driving down California’s famed Pacific Coast Highway. Stopped at a red light, I had a chance to look around and take in my surroundings when I noticed a used car lot. Naturally, I took a cursory glance at their inventory. And that’s when I noticed this monstrosity perched atop a raised, centrally positioned platform.

Unable to immediately recognize the vehicle, I decided to snap a photo. I hoped it would come to me eventually, but it hasn’t. So now I’m asking for help identifying this car because not knowing is burning a hole in my head.

I am reasonably sure it is a GM vehicle from the 2000s. However, I am certain it is not a Cadillac Escalade EXT, as it is quite a bit smaller. It is also not a Hummer H3T, as the bed is far too short. The windshield and grille certainly point to Hummer’s small SUV, though. Is it just a heavily customized H3? Probably not — the windows are much too tall. Is it the illegitimate child of an Escalade and a Jeep?

Whatever it is, it’s weird. The tires are laughably small and the chrome accents don’t mesh well with the rugged exterior design. The vehicle itself is also on the smaller size, which is a bit unusual in itself — most of these modified SUVs are the full-sized models. Frankly, I’m glad I don’t know what this car is because that means it doesn’t exist on a grander scale.

I’m at a loss here. What is this car? The first correct guess will win a grand prize: the prestigious honor of having correctly identified a strange mystery vehicle.

About Ryan Lowe

Car fanatic located in Huntington Beach. I have a propensity to make fun of vehicles. I also play the drums and like clothes.

14 Comments

  1. I’m voting Jeep Commander based. The windshield, door handles, side mirrors, and fuel filler locations match.

        1. They do match, it’s the angle of the truck on the stand vs the angle of the truck I found in a pic though. But that C-Pillar, door handles, and fuel filler all line up, as does the rear-glass cut angle – just not perfect on this photoshop.

          I should try and find a better angle.

  2. I wanted to say Escalade EXT with a new front end and the tupperware removed from the bed opening. Look at the rear widow shape and door trim, and the rear door handle’s relationship to it. But the rear wheel arch intrudes into the bottom of the rear door like a SWB GMT900 Tahoe, which they didn’t make with the open back. It’s a mutt?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8291fc14563a741bcf6838feb5031439c7955cdc69522d8a00100f8a55babbf3.jpg

    1. Extra points for creating a Disqus account just to answer this question.
      Tomorrow’s Hooniverse Asks…, “Who was that masked commentator?”

    2. Perfectly said: “a General Motors smorgasbord”. I actually like it a bit, as a joke and an exercise on platform interchangeability, and it is not that poorly executed. The price is nuts though.

  3. If I’m honest, it looks at least as good as each of the vehicles from which it’s built. I regret to say that I sort of like it, despite hating the H3 and the H2.

  4. Alex, what Johnny Cash would have built if he worked at GM in the mid 2010s? One piece at a time…

  5. It appears that the guy that draws the cars on house brand car care products at O’reilly’s has stepped into three dimensional renderings.

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