Hooniverse Asks- How Do You Man-up a Girlie Car?

Robert Emslie

/comment

Comments

I’m all for gender equality, and think that women should have the same opportunities, and earn as much as do men for the same work. But despite that, I do think there’s some significant differences between men and women – and there’s a couple of those differences for which I am eternally grateful. One of the less gratifying differences between the sexes is on car choices.
Oh sure, there’s plenty of both dudes and dudettes that like lots of the same rides, but there are certain vehicles that have – whether through manufacturer planning or just luck of the draw – become emblematic of one gender or the other. And for those of us most adept at writing our names in the snow – remember to dot the i! – that can result in a bit of an emotional conundrum should we kitten to a car or truck that’s perceived as being singularly a possession of the opposite sex.
Sure, you could just man up and tell detractors to shut up, but then there’s all those folks you don’t know but who are quietly judging you from the next lane over on the expressway, what about them? That’s why you need to macho-ize your ride, should the stench of estrogen be too strong with it. The flower vase in Volkswagen’s New Beetle is an obvious no-no, while the MX5 can be butched up with the addition of a rollbar and Hooters license plate frame. Those are just a couple of options for making those obvious Girlie cars less so, but what are your tried and true scrotal enhancements that make any chick car more macho?
Image source: [VW Newsroom.com]

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Robert Emslie

Robert Emslie

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  1. ATOMZ Avatar
    ATOMZ

    I used to drive a silver with black roof new MINI and found that blacking out all of the chrome helped make it a little more man-ified in looks

    Reply
    1. Jesseahoon Avatar
      Jesseahoon

      Every few months I start to think I'd really like to drive a Mini, especially the base model for 87 octane and good fuel mileage. They just look like a fun car. But then I see a pair of dudes riding around in one, and just decide it's more like the 4-wheel equivalent of a Vespa and just slink back to my Saabaru and the 20 mpg on 93 octane reality.

      Reply
      1. Deartháir Avatar
        Deartháir

        Stay tuned; I've got a whole Mini article on its way.

        Reply
      2. Alff Avatar
        Alff

        If a man chooses a Hummer to compensate, what does that say about the guy who proudly rolls something called a "Mini"?

        Reply
        1. dead_elvis Avatar
          dead_elvis

          Hi, I'm Hugh Jdong.

          Reply
  2. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Not sure if this answers the question but in my teens I had a car that epitomized girly – a VW "bitch basket". True to its reputation, the girls loved it. So much so that I became a man in it – many times over. Girly or not, the telltale dent in the hood always made me smile, and the rollbar was useful for certain semiacrobatic manuevers.

    Reply
    1. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      I just sort of want to drape a Cabrio in GTI parts for the confused looks.

      Reply
  3. OA5599 Avatar
    OA5599

    <img src="http://www.heywhatsyour.com/images/prius-blower.jpg"&gt;
    A blower sticking through the hood.
    Less effective: truck nuts.
    <img src="http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploads16/bigvetnuts1260975015.jpg"&gt;

    Reply
    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      You mean like this?
      <img src="http://img20.imageshack.us/img20/4981/puddinf.jpg"&gt;

      Reply
      1. JayP Avatar
        JayP

        Sorry that I can't +1 that post but once.
        +++++++++++

        Reply
      2. dead_elvis Avatar
        dead_elvis

        Yes!
        <img src="http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u246/nmrajames/Amanda%20Long%20Shoot/IMG_2630.jpg"&gt;

        Reply
  4. tonyola Avatar
    tonyola

    I did some mild mods to my blue/silver '84 CRX – flush headlight covers and a red reflector panel between the taillights. The reflector looked particularly good – it was an official Honda accessory and it truly looked like part of the car.
    <img src="http://carphotos.cardomain.com/ride_images/2/3632/1561/21578280245_large.jpg&quot; width=400>

    Reply
  5. engineerd Avatar
    engineerd

    Well, the first chick car that came to mind was the VW Cabriolet. So, how do you man up this quintiscential chick car? At first, I thought about truck nuts. But that's absurd and looks like you're trying to hard. Then I thought about painting it camo, but all the girlies are wearing camo these days. And then it came to me:
    Kill markings and near-pornographic WW2-style nose art. LIke this!
    <img src="http://www.bertaut.com/noseArt.jpg"&gt;

    Reply
    1. OA5599 Avatar
      OA5599

      Also, numerous guns.

      Reply
      1. engineerd Avatar
        engineerd

        Yes. Maybe a few .50 cals mounted to the hood.

        Reply
    2. dukeisduke Avatar
      dukeisduke

      A P-61 Black Widow!

      Reply
      1. P161911 Avatar
        P161911

        I thought it was at first too. Black Widow never had 8 nose guns. That's an A-26.
        <img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2038/1528290489_3bc26079d6.jpg"width=500&gt;

        Reply
  6. Lotte Avatar
    Lotte

    <img src="http://autocarmanual.com/automotive/fold-up-the-honda-fit-rear-seats-with-more-than-four-feet-of-space-from-floor-to-ceiling.jpg&quot; width=500">
    "Did he leave the seat up again? F***."

    Reply
    1. Tiller188 Avatar
      Tiller188

      OK, I literally LOL'd at that one.

      Reply
  7. tiberiusẅisë Avatar
    tiberiusẅisë

    You guys are all trying way to hard. Nothing says driven by a dude* like one of these babies.
    * a dude who lives in his parents basement
    <img src="http://starland.com/catalog/images/WSSTSF.jpg&quot; width="400">
    image courtesy of starland

    Reply
  8. tonyola Avatar
    tonyola

    It's important to make a point here. Having a "girly" car can also mean having a car that girls love to ride in. For instance, a Miata is seen by many as a girly (or even gay) car, yet I've known Miata owners who have gotten lots of attention from the ladies because of their cute car. Indeed, some women who would look at disdain at a guy driving a Corvette or Viper (is he compensating for something?) would happily ride along with a nice guy in a Miata (comfortable with his masculinity). I had some of the same sort of fun driving a CRX ("Oh, what a darling little car") that led to more interesting things. And then there's the friend who had a triple-white Rabbit cabriolet – he got lots of jabs about his masculinity from his male friends but he had no trouble whatsoever attracting the girls with his car. They absolutely loved it.

    Reply
    1. P161911 Avatar
      P161911

      The whole cars attracting women is a whole different and very strange subject. Back in college (early/mid 1990s) I had a '77 Corvette and a '79 Blazer. What little interaction I did have with girls (It was an engineering school and I was shy), the girls showed pretty much total dis-interest in the Corvette, but really liked the old Blazer.
      After college I got a red '94 Corvette, women showed some slight interest but it really didn't matter. When I was dating my now wife, and had my car parked at her house, at first everyone that didn't know us assumed that the Corvette belonged to the boyfriend of her HOTT roommate. We just got a laugh out of it.

      Reply
    2. facelvega Avatar
      facelvega

      I knew a turkish gangster in Berlin who stopped driving sports cars to switch to a Citroen 2CV. He said that he'd never had so many girls try to talk to him as with the 2CV. Of course, he didn't have any lack of manliness to worry about, being as I say a suit-wearing, quietly menacing gangster.

      Reply
  9. west_coaster Avatar
    west_coaster

    In the early '80s, a buddy of mine had a VW Rabbit Cabrio. It was white-on-white, and I think he was the only driver of one who wasn't a 17 year old girl named Tiffany or Jenny.
    But he quickly got to work tricking it out. Some bigger Ronal wheels with low-profile-for-the-time (50-series I think) rubber. It was also lowered, and had a backwards font "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" graphic tint across the top of the windshield.
    Much less chick car that it started out as.

    Reply
  10. Armand4 Avatar
    Armand4

    I bought my Sunbeam thinking "hey, this is the car Sean Connery drove in Dr. No." Then I overheard some people looking at it and saying "hey, that's the car Elizabeth Taylor drove in Butterfield 8."
    The hubcaps came off the next day, and the loud exhaust went on a week later.

    Reply
    1. Van Sarockin Avatar
      Van Sarockin

      Elizabeth Taylor gave you her car? YU DA MAN!

      Reply
  11. facelvega Avatar
    facelvega

    No car is a girlie car if the driver is manly enough. Even the toughest car is still pretty girlie if the guy driving it has been emasculated, which is often enough the kind of person who buys a car like that in the first place. It's called overcompensation. This is why I don't trust Raptor fans.

    Reply
    1. muthalovin Avatar
      muthalovin

      And that is why I don't trust Harley fans.

      Reply
      1. ZomBee Racer Avatar
        ZomBee Racer

        I ride a "girl's" Harley.

        Reply
      2. ZomBee Racer Avatar
        ZomBee Racer

        >poof!?!?< (went to update my previous reply with something funnier involving chubby lesbians, but Hoonibbles thwarted me yet again)

        Reply
    2. facelvega Avatar
      facelvega

      Maybe the better question here is how to make a manly car more girl-friendly, i.e. how to make a testosterone-symbol vehicle not make its owner look like a complete dick.

      Reply
      1. BlackIce_GTS Avatar
        BlackIce_GTS

        I want to know how to make a manly car not make people think I want them to assume anything about my wang.
        IE; I want to drive a Viper because Vipers are awesome. I don't want to drive a Viper because it's impossible to convince people that you don't drive a Viper for any penis-related reason.

        Reply
  12. muthalovin Avatar
    muthalovin

    I came here to say truck nutz, for lulz, but no.
    There are many, many ways to manify a girly car, but, you know, why? Do you really give a flip about what other people say when they pull up to you at a stop light, look down at your yellow new bug with daisy rims, and laugh? Hell no. You are a MAN. Statement enough. Sure you have a petunia in the vase, but, dammit, you like them! So eff those guys in their Raptors and on their Harelys. They are just a bunch of testosterone driven fools. You have nothing to prove.

    Reply
  13. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    Used to work with a guy that bought a New Beetle for his son. The son wouldn't have it, so dad ended up driving it. He kept a Mini-Mag Light in the flower vase.

    Reply
  14. SSurfer321 Avatar
    SSurfer321

    Magnetic Flames!
    <img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41jnRdsa86L._SL500_AA300_.jpg"&gt;
    IMG from Amazon.com

    Reply
  15. BGW Avatar
    BGW

    Wood paneling, scotch and cigars. It may say "Eos" on the outside but there's no reason it can't say "Hunting Lodge" on the inside.

    Reply
    1. facelvega Avatar
      facelvega

      Try Overfinch Holland and Holland edition. They've done the Range Rover, why not an Eos?
      <img src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2009/09/rr_hh_of_lo_06.jpg&quot; width="400">
      <img src="http://image.europeancarweb.com/f/30636708+w750+st0/epcp_0909_02_z+holland_and_holland_range_rover+drinks.jpg&quot; width="400">

      Reply
      1. Alff Avatar
        Alff

        The Overfinch and Holland Edition Eos – perfect for snipe hunting.

        Reply
  16. skitter Avatar
    skitter

    <img src="http://i615.photobucket.com/albums/tt237/jskitter/hooniverse/OpenGate.jpg&quot; width="500">

    Reply
    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      we have a winner

      Reply
    2. ZomBee Racer Avatar
      ZomBee Racer

      Judging by the clues available, I can surmise this is probably NOT a new Ferrari.

      Reply
      1. Deartháir Avatar
        Deartháir

        Audi R8, unless I miss my guess.

        Reply
  17. Syrax Avatar
    Syrax

    Negligence. The easiest way.
    <img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/71/165145085_1ce40b381e.jpg"/&gt;

    Reply
  18. Tim Odell Avatar
    Tim Odell

    Flog it
    <img src="http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploads4/AutocrossBeetle1106447235.jpg"&gt;
    Nothing says butch like feathered tires are molten rubber on the fenders.

    Reply
    1. Tim Odell Avatar
      Tim Odell

      See Also:
      <img src="http://www.realautosport.com/pics/StudBug-poster07.jpg"&gt;

      Reply
    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
      FuzzyPlushroom

      Mmm, Turbo S with Jetta/GTI/NB Color Concept 17s. You damn well bet I would.

      Reply
  19. Peter Tanshanomi Avatar
    Peter Tanshanomi

    Camo and a grenade launcher* are a step in the right direction, but up-armoring would clinch the deal.
    <img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3260/2866646513_ac506b4a15.jpg"&gt;
    *a minigun or Ma Deuce are also acceptable. If an M60 or M240 are used, they probably should be ring mounted especially on minivans — hiding them behind the grille or using an electric remote turret will just make you look like a cowering, scaredycat panty-waist.

    Reply
    1. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      <img src="http://www.scooteringusa.com/vestank.jpg&quot; /img>
      No doubt you're familiar with the military-spec Vespa, right?

      Reply
  20. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
    Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

    Extra headlights and mud!
    <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5308/5672634569_feb1ec992b.jpg&quot; width="500" height="414" alt="66 rac rally fall-wood mini cooper s">

    Reply
    1. austinminiman Avatar
      austinminiman

      I don't like what you're implying.

      Reply
      1. Alff Avatar
        Alff

        Amen. Masochistic, perhaps. Girly? Never.

        Reply
      2. buzzboy7 Avatar
        buzzboy7

        I agree good sir. The minis are far from girlie. With 1.3 whole liters of massive power(number rounded of course, I can't remember which is which). Nothing like a lame little VW beetle….

        Reply
      3. Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr. Avatar
        Jennings R. Scroggs, Jr.

        The Mini is use for illustrative purposes only! No slight is meant against the original Mini, their owners, the manufacturers, their employees, corporate officers, stockholders of the British Motor Corporations, and their successors and or assigns. Offer void in Tennessee.

        Reply
  21. ZomBee Racer Avatar
    ZomBee Racer

    <img src="http://shop1.actinicexpress.co.uk/shops/Rat_Sport/images/catalog/cherrybomb.jpg"/&gt;

    Reply
  22. tonyola Avatar
    tonyola

    Plaster your VW New Beetle Cabrio or Toyota Yaris with a few of these and you'll be indisputably a MAN – respected by millions with all the girls dropping at your feet!
    <img src="http://letstalkabout.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/playboy-logo.gif"&gt;

    Reply
    1. BlackIce_GTS Avatar
      BlackIce_GTS

      Just wear this:
      <img src="http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/pl/playboy-towelling-and-plastic-visor.jpg"&gt;
      Powerfully manly!
      I'm not sure if it's recent, but I only see girls wearing/accessorizing the Playboy logo. I think the symbolism is less "I like pictures of naked ladies" and more "I am really very pretty I have or could have appeared in this publication for serious."

      Reply
  23. Bret Avatar
    Bret

    My Miata is masculated by the presence of my palpable masculinity; with my beard and sonorous resonant voice, I am never mistaken for anything but a man. The car has a few visible track toy mods like a roll bar and slightly lower ride height and <s>adorable</s> totally fucking awesome stripes, but, if I'm honest, I think the thing that mans up that car is my stupifyingly enormous genitalia.
    You see, I drive the Miata to compensate for being a mega manly macho meat machine. Sit me in a Corvette and really bad things (crossed streams bad) would happen.

    Reply
    1. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      In my mind's eye, this is what you look like…
      <img src="http://moviesmedia.ign.com/movies/image/article/988/988712/25-funniest-will-ferrell-characters-20090601003750677.jpg"&gt;

      Reply
      1. Bret Avatar
        Bret

        That's not too far off the mark. I'm similarly hirsute, but with a full head of hair and I dress more like James May.I'm shamelessly a gentleman, equally comfortable in a racing car or at the opera house. And I'm a human tripod.

        Reply
  24. Deartháir Avatar
    Deartháir

    My obvious answer would be to not care about the perception. Of course, any of us here are going to buy a car because it performs well, or because it has some significance that makes it interesting. If it's a Miata, we're buying it because we secretly know just how kick-ass a performer it can be with a bit of work. A New Beetle, well, let's hope it's because it's a cheap way to get a TDI or the Turbo version. A Del Sol because it's a very easy engine swap to put in, say, the Prelude powerplant. An Eos because it's a GTI with a drop-top, and still goes like a raped ape.
    From that point, every car deserves a new set of wheels, but not caring about how girly it looks is an even better way to surprise the flat-brimmer in his riced-out Civic when he tries to scoff at your "feminine" car.

    Reply
  25. JeepyJayhawk Avatar
    JeepyJayhawk

    oooh… Art Car is not an accepted answer here in the Hooniverse…

    Reply
    1. dead_elvis Avatar
      dead_elvis

      THIS is an Art Car! No girlyness to start with, no extra manliness needed (and Truck Nutz would drag on the road).
      <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5308/5672634569_feb1ec992b.jpg"&gt;

      Reply
    2. Alff Avatar
      Alff

      …. unless the question is, "How do you show the world that you don't really like cars?"

      Reply
  26. buzzboy7 Avatar
    buzzboy7

    Plain and simple, you don't.
    <img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8e/Volkswagen-New-Beetle-Convertible.jpg/800px-Volkswagen-New-Beetle-Convertible.jpg&quot; width="500">
    There is nothing you can do to look like a man while driving a convertable new beetle, or any other new beetle for that matter.

    Reply
    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
      FuzzyPlushroom

      If you're trying to tell me that roasting tires from a stop isn't manly…
      <img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4126/5144443542_c8a8f3bf0b_b.jpg&quot; width=600>
      …well, I just can't bring myself to care.

      Reply
  27. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
    FuzzyPlushroom

    I like the way you think. I'll be the first to admit that despite turbo power, an exposed front bumper, and rear seats that fold flat to allow comfortable sleeping accommodations, a Volvo wagon isn't the manliest car on the road – so it's getting a quality coat of chalkboard green soon. My friend's CB9 ('91 Accord wagon) will hopefully receive the same treatment.

    Reply
  28. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
    FuzzyPlushroom

    Simple – you park it next to a girlier car.
    <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5109/5625917218_148f2d5876_b.jpg&quot; width="600/">
    (F. Plushroom, Contrast in Geometry, 2011)

    Reply
    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
      FuzzyPlushroom

      Seriously, though. The New Beetle's my mother's, and it leaves most other cars I've driven – my 740 Turbo and my friend's '01 9-3, for instance, though they're both automatics – in the dust. It's just so goddamn fun, appearance be damned. And it's a terrific sleeper, as well – being a Volvo guy, I love that.
      If I ever inherit Entie, the only major change I'll make will be replacing the seasonally-rotated faux flower in the bud vase with a couple of roller-ball pens and/or a Sharpie. I've kept these (as well as a pair of knock-off Channel-Locks and a pair of dice) in the instrument cluster of whichever car I'm dailying for my entire driving career; the pens are for notes and jotting down fuel history, while the Channel-Locks stem from formerly having to pull a ceramic fuse from Violet before parking her overnight before I poleaxed the power locks. The dice are for luck. Sadly, I'd have to give up everything save the writing utensils if I adopt a New Beetle; the round gauge pod is rather limiting.

      Reply
    2. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
      FuzzyPlushroom

      And if that fails, there's an alternative solution…
      <img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5181/5764641116_44bc210a65_b.jpg&quot; width=600>
      No, he's not a pretty car at the moment. Work is ongoing, but I can't say I mind this terribly.

      Reply
  29. Battles Avatar
    Battles

    I'd roll in that. Nice job.

    Reply
  30. 2stroke4life Avatar
    2stroke4life

    Hiroshi Toyota 2000GT Roadster replica on a Miata.
    <img&gt <a href="http://;http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FoXyvaPSnVk/RvAyStOum5I/AAAAAAAAU5Q/gKOqGV64S-k/s1600/Carscoop_2000GT_MX5_000.jpg” target=”_blank”>;http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_FoXyvaPSnVk/RvAyStOum5I/AAAAAAAAU5Q/gKOqGV64S-k/s1600/Carscoop_2000GT_MX5_000.jpg

    Reply