Gift ideas for the Hoon in your life

dearthtruck
In case you had not heard, there is a major holiday rapidly approaching.  If you are anything like me you cannot wait for it to be over and done with.  That’s not to say I dislike the holidays, but I would rather chew on beer bottles and crap glass than be stuck in mall traffic or standing in line to pay for a bunch of poorly-made imported toys that are just going to get broken or lost the first week anyway.  But I digress, as it’s not just about the children.  Most of us have friends, relatives or significant others who actually enjoy giving and receiving gifts during this time of year.  And if your favorite person is a car nut, Hooniverse has some recommendations for you.
Road Mice
Did you know they have the internet on computers now?  Yeah, I only recently found out myself.  Well if you are like me then you probably use a mouse to navigate all those porn automotive websites, and what better to surf those sites than with a car-themed mouse?  The folks over at neatorama have several models to please even the hardest-to-shop-for hoon.  GT-mouse
  They have Camaros, Corvettes, Challengers and many more in a variety of colors.  Personally, I’m partial the the silver GT pictured above.  Rumor has it that Graverobber wants one in his stocking this year as well.
 
Christmas Cards
This one is pretty self-explanatory really.  Nothing says I’m a cheap bastard in the Christmas spirit more than sending cards to all your closest friends and family.  Why not add a touch of class and send them cool automotive-themed cards, such as these that I found at carshirtsandstuff.  So this year, rather than sending nothing, send a card and maybe get one less bag of flaming poo on your doorstep Ebenezer.card824-1card1
 
 
  
  
  
  
  
 
 
Bacon Air Freshener
Bacon, what can’t it do?  Bacon is an internet sensation and for good reason, it’s delicious!  Google it if you don’t believe me.  Now that I think about it, it smells really good too.  Seriously, why wouldn’t you want to smell bacon everytime you get in your car?  Well now you can.  Baconandmeat has a bacon scented air freshener that you can hang from your mirror.  Nothing says you care more than sending the gift of bacon.
 bacon
 
Sat Nagsat-nag_alt1
 Is there a hoon in your life that doesn’t know how refuses to read a map?  Won’t stop and ask for directions?  Knows all the worst best shortcuts guaranteed to get him killed in the hood where he needs to be in the longest shortest amount of time?  Maybe you need to get him the Sat Nag from iwantoneofthose.  Simply install on your dashboard and push the button.   It keeps you up to date with sayings like “I know you’re a man, but it’s been 35 minutes now, so can you please admit you’re lost and ask someone the way” and “In 100 metres turn left. No right, err, no left. Sorry, I never can tell my left from my right.”  It may not ever get you to your destination but you are guaranteed to enjoy the journey.
 
 
Hoonimerch
What kind of Schmo would I be if I didn’t pimp out our very own store
storeWe have a nice selection of t-shirts and hoodies to satisfy the clothing needs of your beloved Hoon.  This Hoon has secretly been hoping Hoonie Clause brings him an Uberbird shirt in orange, size large.

 

Happy Hoonidays everybody!

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  1. Age_of_Aerostar Avatar

    "Rumor has it that Graverobber and Engineerd want one in their stockings this year as well." — there, fixed that for ya.
    (Now, if anyone can find an Aerostar mouse…………….)

    1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

      I bet I can make you one.

      1. Age_of_Aerostar Avatar

        let's start the bidding!

  2. engineerd Avatar

    Can I get the barstool racer from yesterday as a combined Christmas/birthday present?
    That satnag reminds me of Mrs. engineerd when we first started dating. She would give directions by pointing and saying, "Turn that way." I'm sorry, dear, but when I'm watching the road I can't see which way you're pointing and "turn that way" is not very descriptive. I've got her trained to say left and right now. See, women can change so we don't have to!

  3. scroggzilla Avatar

    My gift idea nominee……an Alfa Romeo Montreal with a big assed wing (it's the Bobcor Racing Alfa that campaigned at Watkins Glen in '74) by M4 Models of Italy
    <img src="http://www.carmodel.net/itemsPhotosEncrypter.php?0-37561.jpg"&gt;

  4. muthalovin Avatar

    I recommend that EVERYONE either click the google bacon link, or google bacon right now. DO IT. There is a bacon bra on the other side, and it looks, er, delicious.

    1. Charles_Barrett Avatar

      In the name of equal time, I have to ask where is the bacon jockstrap…?

      1. BrianTheHoon Avatar

        We can always count on you Charles. +1 for damn near making me pee myself.

      2. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

        +1 for you…
        Normally I'd embed but maybe not this one…
        http://img205.imageshack.us/i/9straps4390992ya0.j

        1. Charles_Barrett Avatar

          Bravo!
          Congrats for keeping the jockstrap context.

    2. Sparky_Pete Avatar

      Thanks for that. I immediately thought of bacon and eggs. Now I'm hungry AND the wife is avoiding me. Bastard.

      1. Charles_Barrett Avatar

        "Bacon and eggs" is a natural extension of a bacon jockstrap.
        No wonder Denny's restaurant ups the ante by offering bacon, SAUSAGE, and eggs. Maybe THAT is what they should label the grand slam… for too many reasons to list…

        1. jeremy! Avatar

          oh if only i could vote comments.
          that was great, charles your on a roll today!

          1. Charles_Barrett Avatar

            Well, you can "thumbs up" clicky my comment… 😉

          2. jeremy! Avatar

            nope. dont have that login.

          3. CptSevere Avatar

            This comment promoted by CptSevere.
            Fixed that for ya.

  5. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    I got a free mouse from Honda Financial Services – I think it’s supposed to be shaped like a Crosstour.

  6. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    Is there anything that isn't awesome with bacon?

    1. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar

      Latkes? Matzo? Gefilte fish?
      They probably would be, too – at least the first two. Nothing can redeem gefilte fish.

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