Fast and Furious 9’s Trailer Paints the Film as the Official Movie of, “Why not?”

The Fast and Furious Franchise started in 2001 with modified Honda Civics stealing televisions, and a tuna sandwich on white with no crust. Now, it’s a futuristic experimental aircraft (piloted Charlize Theron) picking up a new GT500 with a giant magnet after it’s intentionally driven off a cliff. Why not?

There’s a part about “family” that attempts to be touching. There’s many explosions, cars, guns, and of course, a new villain. He’s played by John Cena. Why not? You watch a little further and he’s apparently a master thief, ‘high performance driver’, and assassin. Also, he’s Dom’s brother! Of course he is! He’s coming back around after all of these years. I swear I laughed out loud when Dom claims this new antagonist (menacingly named, “Jacob”) is his brother. Then again, why not? This isn’t a sacred series like Star Wars. Nobody is going to reach into the rich history of the films, pull out some obscure detail and yell, “THAT’S NOT CANON! NONE OF THIS IS CANON!”

The Cars

There’s plenty of Mopars this time around, mostly Challengers and Chargers of various high-performance spec. A third-gen Chevy Nova also runs into a V10 E60 M5 at very high speed.

There’s one scene where they arrive at a party in front of a massive Jacobian Revival style mansion (It seems like a lot of this takes place in the U.K.) in a Noble M600. Why they chose a Noble M600, I’m not sure. In the same scene there’s also an Aventador and an AMG GT driven by Helen Mirren.

As the trailer progresses, it becomes clear Dom’s classic Charger also has a big part to play, immediately after this becomes clear, a (I’m not making the next part up) red, rocket-powered Pontiac Fiero appears on screen.

It appears the film spends some time in Japan as well. An orange Toyota Supra gets tangled up into a chase with some kind of armored land-train.

That brings me around to the next part. I’m not gonna beat around the bush:

HAN IS BACK.

Yes, that’s right. Remember how we explicitly watched him explode in Tokyo Drift? Well, he survived completely unscathed. I’m laughing writing this–but I’m glad he’s back! Everyone else seems to be enjoying this news, too! He obviously must’ve escaped his car before it exploded! Of course! The trailer also has a cast of other characters from Tokyo Drift, including the film’s protagonist, Sean.

Why not?

The trailer ends with Han drifting the aforementioned orange Supra into the frame, which was probably the most hype thing I’ve ever seen.

These movies get more ridiculous every time they come out. If this was a Star Wars film, I would roll my eyes because, “Oh! Of course! X character is still alive / never died / is coming back just for the sake of nostalgia. In the F&F franchise, that just makes it better. Nothing is sacred. Drive a Dodge Charger off a cliff, get into a high-speed chase in an armored personal carrier, RB swap a Mustang *gasp*. The ridiculousness just makes it better. Who cares if we started with a crustless tuna salad sandwich? The future is now, old man.

16 Comments

  1. “Why not?” pretty much sums up F&F in general. It’s a writer/director sandbox. No one cares, so pull out all the stops. Go crazy with it. I’ve admittedly watched only the first movie all the way through. I’ve seen pieces of the others only because, you know… cars.

    The only “not” in this otherwise “why not?” argument is John Cena. Holy shit, is he a terrible actor. Even among the mediocrity that is F&F acting delivery, he is almost unwatchable.

  2. So, in a franchise whose primary thesis is “mumblemumble FAMBLY,” the main character has fambly (sorry, family) who’ve never shown up before? And because it’s both John Cena and F&F, he’ll probably actually be a good guy by the end, and in the next five movies? Why not indeed?

    1. I have tried to watch a few. Usually, I consider putting away a half-read book or turning off a half-watched movie disrespectful to the artists behind.

      This stuff is disrespectful to the viewers instead, and it cements a stereotype of ‘car guys’ that I struggle to identify with.

    2. Right there with you. I feel like even peripheral, incidental familiarity with this franchise could cost a few IQ points.

  3. Not being impressed bu a rocket powered Fiero, pretty much the normie reaction to true hoon project cars in a nutshell.

  4. So Jon Cena is his brother while he’s also a firefighter. That’s because Jon Cena is always a firefighter in every movie he is in anymore. He’ll also be loved by kids of all ages. While being the bad guy. This might not have been the easiest part for them right.
    Oh who am I kidding. The rocket powered Fiero is the final scene of the movie with Cena at the wheel. Nice call back to the eighties as well there.

  5. Where the series started and where it has gone is about as believable as some of the cgi BS they have used.

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