This is the sort of car that where you turn every corner on three wheels, pedal punching a hole in cigarette-stained carpet, while your friend’s moms in SUVs gawk at you in horror and then warn their kids to never hang out with you. It’s never seen the business end of a hose or a can of Bondo, and its junkyard-special tape deck (remember those?) has melted from the “Mechanical Resonance” cassette jammed in there somewhere.
Hell, if those stickers added horsepower, it could race Veyrons yesterday. Click through for a brutally honest eBay ad and MOAR STICKERS.

I would like to blame the sticker application on someone else, but unfortunately i am responsible for it. However, i will take every opportunity to blame some of these styling decisions on youthful exuberance and lack of common sense. Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time…

“It seemed like a good idea at the time” is not just a motto around the Blake Z. household, it’s also my modus operandi and a tattoo in a part of my body that I’ve been banned from showing at dinner parties. But at least the seller is honest, if not amusing in a schadenfreudey-kinda way: the car’s in pretty rough shape and will need to be trailered away, and he’s been bleeding money for the past 14 years it’s been in storage. But the guy is coherent, and honest, AND NOT SHOUTING AT US. Did we mention he likes stickers?

“I have come to the realization that i will never do a full resto on it so time to sell her and move on,” writes the eBay seller with a heavy heart. No kiddin’, amigo. At least before you ditch it on the great cesspool known as eBay Motors Industries you could haul it down to a Porsche Club concours, maybe cause a couple of stringback-glove-types to spill their mint juleps. Tell them that you’re willing to part with it for a couple of 928s, that’ll really get ’em going:

All in all this was a really cool car and a blast to drive. Although it looks like some crazed teenager went nuts on it if you wanted to do some bodywork on it you would have a pretty solid car that handles like a gocart and will ear you more speeding tickets than you can shake a stick at. And you can shake a stick at a LOT of tickets, take it from me. Unfortunately i have come to the realization i am not going to be that person so there is no need to store it indefinitely. Besides, i need someplace to store my growing 928 collection.

We all did goofy crap as a kid, like race a junkyard 914 covered in stickers. Some of us grow up and learn from our mistakes, and move on, and become mature, fiscally-responsible adults, capable of making wise decisions…and some of us buy 928s.
And if you want to take him up on his offer, please add a Hooniverse sticker.
(Thanks to Jeremy for the tip!)