If this car was a person, he would be Boy George and Hardcastle-and-or-McCormick’s tabloid-plastering love child. If this car had a theme song, it would be banned for obscenity by Tipper Gore. If a TV executive witnessed this, he would have shoehorned a David Hasselhoff spinoff around it regardless of plot, storyline or additional characters. Despite its giganto wing and massive nose reserved by NASA as an emergency runway for the space shuttle Atlantis, it is not a kit, either (a fact specified with great emphasis). Because psychosis genius like this is clearly homegrown. Looking like an IMSA racer who’s dropped too many tabs of ecstasy in the middle of “The Way That You Love Me,” this, uh, automobile is claimed by its excitable owner to be “THE WILDEST Z ON THE PLANET.” It’s definitely “wild,” sure, in the same sense that skydiving naked into the New Haven Coliseum during a Madonna concert is wild. Adding to the wildness are the scanned photos, presumably farted out by some Polaroid Series 600 sometime between Lebanon and the Tower Commission. This can only mean one thing, of course: the white stallion shown here isn’t what it looks like anymore, and the car is actually rotting in the back lot of a Vegas strip club somewhere, slowly crumbling into a molecular diffusion of rust, sand and the burden of an entire decade’s worth of bad ideas. Kill it with fire, or dangerous levels of awesome? You decide, and battle it out in the comments.
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