Craigslist Crapshoot

The World’s Worst Car Is For Sale On Craigslist
Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly search for the most bizarre, awesome, and/or terrible vehicles that the online classifieds has to offer. 
Because we don’t like stereotypes last week we went looking for cars that were evidence that the Germans do, in fact, have a sense of humor. Well, it turns out that while they do, it’s a bit constrained. We’ll laugh a little in a sec, but first this week’s quest.
As you might recall, MG was the subject of last week’s Thursday Trivia question. As we all learned that company became famous for taking parts from a more mundane brand (Morris) and breathing new life into them for more sporting fare. As car makers switched from RWD to FWD for most of their mainstream models that ability became harder to do. Of course there were the mid-engined cars derived from their FWD progenitors, cars like the Fiat X1/9. Toyota MR2 and even the MG-F, but they lacked the success of the small sports car’s true successor, the hot hatch. That’s what we want to find this week, with the only requirement being that the finds for sale really need to be hatchbacks, and they need to be hot from the factory.
As always, we want your finds to go down in infamy and not in the site’s spam filter. Since we’ve changed commenting systems, you may need to update your commenter account. Make sure you have a Disqus account – they’re free and easy to get – and then comment away.

Got that? Good, Now, let’s hear the one about the two Germans that walk into a bar…

… and sit down to eat their lunches. The bartender says, ”Sorry, but you can’t eat your own food in here.” So the two Germans look at each other and swap lunches.
Riot, I know. Almost as giggle inducing were last week’s finds. Let’s start with a Beetle convertible. As Kiefmo, who offered it up noted, you just can’t drive a Beetle ragtop without smiling. Agreed.
The Real Number_Six felt that a six-figure (Canadian, but still a lot) BMW X4 was proof that the Germans are the ones having the last laugh, while nanoop voted the same for the Porsche 914’s repairability versus desirability ratio.
Manic_King was the one who really put a smile on our faces, however. That was due to the full court press he put on to show what a laugh factory Germany really is. The winning ad was one for a one of five Opec Contender, which is a Mercedes G-wagon-based coupe that looks like a Suzuki X-90 done right. That car was built in the ’90s, and having a look at its grille makes you wonder if Cadillac sought it out for some of their New Edge designs of the 2000s.
Congrats to Manic_King and thank you all for the wonderful contributions. It really put a smile on my face. Now, let’s hatch some hotness!

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  1. The Real Number_Six Avatar
    The Real Number_Six
    1. William Robinson Avatar
      William Robinson

      Seems to come up every once and a while. Guy must have a little separation anxiety… probably fun as hell to rip on.

  2. Kiefmo Avatar

    From the NAH camp, we’ve got this 1990 Nissan Pulsar GTi-R with a snail under the hood and all wheels driven. RHD sucks for drive-thrus and those of us accustomed to shifting with our righties, but otherwise it looks like a bucket of fun.
    Of slight concern is how bald the front tires are, whilst the rear look new. Tends to point to abuse and indifferent maintenance.

    1. Manic_King Avatar

      Here’s one modified LHD one for quite a lot of money:
      RHD cars have similar prices in Europe as that KC car.

  3. JayP Avatar

    Not exotic – but if I didn’t have 3 cars already I’d check this one out. $2k.

    1. dukeisduke Avatar

      Driven by a Ford tech, who drives to Carrollton. I can take a wild guess which dealership he works at. I might consider it for my 16-yo daughter, but 280k makes me nervous. But, if it’s been owned by a Ford tech…
      I think it will sell quickly.

      1. JayP Avatar

        I’d want to know when the clutch was changed out and check all the suspension components. My 2001 Ranger has 240k miles but doesn’t act it. This may behave the same.

    2. salguod Avatar

      Oooh, I’ve always wanted one of these, and the price and mileage are about what I’m used to. 😀 But Dallas is a long way from Ohio.

      1. Fuhrman16 Avatar

        But the drive would be worth it for a rust free car.

  4. Kiefmo Avatar

    Sweet Jesus, this is clean, and I’d daily it in a heartbeat.
    What? The rear window lifts up with the deck lid, and there’s no rear bulkhead. That’s a hatchback.

  5. Kiefmo Avatar

    Underloved, but packing a Pilot/MDX drivetrain in that plastic fantastic Saturn body, so it could scoot!

    1. smalleyxb122 Avatar

      Now I’m just saddened that Saturn died before bringing us an Astra Redline. It already existed as the OPC elsewhere. There should have been an Astra Redline.

    2. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Nothing wrong with a Vue Redline.

  6. Jofes2 Avatar

    I find the classic Saab 900 to be one of the most tasteful beaters you can get these days. This T16 is a little too expensive for that, but beautiful nonetheless. Also, why did we stop making forward-tilting bonnets just because of how obviously impractical they are, etc, etc? Breaking down at the side of the road actually makes you look even cooler with this.

    1. Batshitbox Avatar

      The forward tilting bonnet makes so much sense on a SAAB when you consider the engine is in backwards anyway.

  7. GTXcellent Avatar

    Too bad it’s an auto and not the 6 speed, and too bad there’s a salvage title.

  8. Alff Avatar

    If one is going to hot hatch, one should hot hatch to the utmost…

    1. Kiefmo Avatar

      Machine de la Mort

    2. Fresh-Outta-Nissans Avatar

      “Nice! What’s under the hood?”
      “Today? Milk and chips.”

  9. Manic_King Avatar

    Thanks! Today I’ve got OT offering and a question: is that worst US flag paint scheme ever?
    Mercury Marquis 1971 7.0 for 4k €:

    1. ptschett Avatar

      Ready-made campaign float; just add signage, a roof speaker and a CD of John Phillip Sousa marches…

      1. Kiefmo Avatar

        “Re-elect Mayor Red Thomas! Progress is his middle name! Mayor Thomas offers…”
        “Crazy drunk driver.”
        “Crazy drunk pedestrian.”
        BTW, I don’t buy into Bob Gale’s claim that Red Thomas and Red the Bum aren’t the same person. Look at the Red Thomas campaign poster, then look at Red the Bum. Looks like the same damned dude to me!

        1. GForce917 Avatar

          Maybe the reason everyone calls him Red is because he looks like Red Thomas.

  10. mdharrell Avatar

    “MG… lacked the success of the small sports car’s true successor, the hot hatch.”
    Okay, okay, I’m back from both the LeMons rally and judging at the race at The Ridge and I’m commenting again. No need to get personal.

    1. Alff Avatar

      In a departure from character, Rob has unjustly maligned the automaker as well. There was a “hot” production version.

      1. mdharrell Avatar

        I… I thought mine was the hot version relative to the Austin. This just keeps getting worse.

        1. Alff Avatar

          Look on the bright side, the law of diminishing returns also applies to negative phenomena. In other words, you don’t have far to fall.

          1. mdharrell Avatar

            Good to know. In my pursuit of minimalist motorized transportation I haven’t yet worked up the nerve to try this thing, but I hear they can be tricky:

          2. Alff Avatar

            Pretty sure that would confer instant celebrity status if used daily on the Burke-Gilman.

          3. Rover 1 Avatar
            Rover 1

            Long criticised for their bouncy ride even on smooth surfaced roads?

  11. Manic_King Avatar

    One could argue that Lancia Delta Integrale is the greatest hot hatch ever.
    Prices start at 7000 euros (for 8 valve cars), more than 25 y old now so can be imported to the US.
    I myself shudder thinking how crappy Prisma, the sedan version of normal Delta was. I owned one.
    This one is in Italy for 9k €.|as

    1. Manic_King Avatar

      Or, for 2k € more, +20 horses from a 16V engine in a much better looking example in Spain.|as

    1. Inliner Avatar

      Another Omni GLH, this time in the Ottawa, ON area, for $3,500 CAD (~$2,670 USD).
      This one apparently has a Turbo II engine swap (175 hp instead of 146 hp), but is now paired with an auto, oddly enough.$_27.JPG

      1. 0A5599 Avatar

        It’s a reverse valve body transmission (forward gear selected gets higher, not lower, the farther away from neutral). Somebody built the car to go drag racing. For a turbo car at the dragstrip, an auto is a good thing, so that you can load the engine while staging and launch under boost. Grand National/GNX and Sy/Ty were all autos from the factory.

    2. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Ye Olde Goes Like Hell. Nice choice!

  12. Inliner Avatar

    Here’s a Plymouth Colt GT Turbo, a rebadged Mitsubishi Mirage available with a turbo engine only for 1989. This one’s had a 2.0L swapped in from an Eagle Talon, and rather heavily modified.
    1989 Plymouth Colt GT Turbo – $6,900 CAD (~$5,260 USD)$_35.JPG

  13. ptschett Avatar

    How about a Dodge Charger Shelby, with the 2.2 turbo? One of my college roommates had one of these, fun little car.

  14. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    Oh wait he said it had to be a factory hatchback didn’t he? So an electric hatchback won’t work but this needs to be shared.
    7500 miles. Only 10 of these electric vehicles where made. These vehicles were taken from Dodge by Jet Electric as new cars without the gasoline motor and fitted with a 9 inch GE electric motor and GE controller. Car has 120V battery pack. Batteries are 2 years old. Car has 20 mile range with current batteries. When batteries where new range was 70 miles. Charger operates on 220 volts. Takes about 10 hours to charge when fully depleted. 4 speed manual transmission. Car has a gasoline heater.

    1. Batshitbox Avatar

      Heated gasoline?

      1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
        Wayne Moyer

        You expected it to be chilled like a fine wine?

  15. Tomsk Avatar

    I’ve always been fond of the Toyota Corolla FX16 GT-S. This one’s the wrong color and the wrong transmission (white with a 5-speed FTW), but for $3,000, some people would be willing to look past one or both of those shortcomings.

  16. gerberbaby Avatar

    It’s a hot hatch according to the CL poster. ” side pipe smokes like a diesel because of after market tank that pumps diesel into the exhaust car runs and drives great must see!!”
    I think I’ve seen enough.

  17. GForce917 Avatar

    It doesn’t get much hotter than 640 factory horsepower, but this one’s got more. 190 hp more to be exact, courtesy of Lingenfelter.
    It’s totally a hatchback, I swear.

  18. mrh1965 Avatar

    Beautiful ‘rare’ 1992 Supra Turbo.
    “Car start and run but it need brake and one problem is the oils from feeding line of the turbo is leaking . So car is need to be towed . ”
    At least the pics are good.

  19. mrh1965 Avatar

    Well, darn, this was advertised as a ZX5, with five speed. Alas, just another ZX3. Clickbait.