Classic Captions Contest- 1999 Fiat Ulysse Edition

Welcome to another round of Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest, brought to you this week by Fiat.
I’m convinced Fiat has churned out some of the most bizarre, obscure, odd, strange, (you catch my vibe) vehicles. The whip you see above, the ’99 Ulysse, I’m guessing would have made the founding brothers of Fiat all of which with tasty,  pasta-esque surnames like Scariotti, Mayneri, Damevino, and Agnelli, quite perplexed and possibly ashamed. That red van thing is our subject matter for this week’s episode of HCCC.
But first, let’s look at a few of the hilarious cocaine-filled comments from last week’s story about the 1984 Cougar LS, from Mercury. We left off on a warm, Ft. Lauderdale beach where Shepard and Shirlena had just finished wrapping up a rendezvous with their somewhat sand-free Cougar LS. Shep questionably has his hands in his trouser pockets, while gawking at what might be, a colossal sand castle. Shirlena seems caught in a daze, perhaps embarrassed that Shep didn’t opt for the silver Mercedes-Benz 500SEC coupe instead. Maybe his runnings with Pablo Escobar didn’t quite pan out like they were projected to.


“Much like his Cougar, Todd’s claims of having 5.0 under the hood were slightly exaggerated.”-

“Shep now realized that Shirlena had completely misunderstood his comments about loving old Cougars. It was going to be a long silent ride back to the city.”-Lokki

“Remington Steele realized at that moment that a career change was in order. He no longer wanted to drive a Cougar, he wanted to drive a Aston Martin DB5.”-
Back to the airport scene, captured above so perfectly by someone in Fiat’s cigarette-filled marketing department that goes by the name Umberto. What do you suppose, is going on here? Where’s the black, armored Audi A8 with two Ducatis flanking it, their riders wearing snakeskin leather coats with Uzis underneath? What could the blonde sitting in the second row of the minivan, be frantically typing on her bulbous laptop? Note the matching luggage just in front of the prop plane’s wing? A man, nervously checks his watch. Is this an Ocean’s 11 type heist in the making? Is Terry Benedict waiting in Geneva for his shipment of gold bricks to be delivered by his Armani-suited mob?
Tell your story below.
By |2018-05-15T13:30:20+00:00May 15th, 2018|Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest|22 Comments

About the Author:

By day, Robby DeGraff is an Industry Analyst for an automotive market research and product-consulting firm. Based an hour from Road America in Wisconsin, he once piloted a Suzuki Jimny around Iceland for two weeks in the middle of winter. Robby still has his first car, a red 2001 Camaro, plus a Saabaru with 233,000 miles and a 1981 Honda CB650. Someday he lusts to own a first-generation Aston Martin Vanquish or a Volkswagen Vanagon.