Classic Captions Contest – 1987 Toyota Wonderwagon Edition

1987 Toyota Wonderwagon
Toyota was never sure what to call its forward control van in North America. Rejecting the TownAce name it wore in other markets, it was referred to simply by the unimaginative and generic “Toyota Van.” The lack of a real model name was actually quite fitting. In reality, the TownAce version was just a placeholder model, a quick-and-dirty response to the runaway success of Chrysler’s minivans while the Previa was being developed. By the time this ad photo showed up in ’87, the passenger version had been dubbed the Wonderwagon. The fancy name change didn’t fool many people; it continued to sell poorly. The fact was, it rode and steered as if it had been designed to deliver packages in downtown Tokyo. Which, of course, was precisely the case. But today, the Van/Wagon/Wonderwagon enjoys a cult following. Speaking of cults, is the family standing beside it starting one, or running from one? Or is there another reason why they’re dressed is khaki safari shorts in the middle of nowhere? I am sure you can tell us exactly what the sitch is in the comments.

1958-dodge-trucksLast week’s contest showed a “motor bank” being patronized by a Dodge pickup and a bicycle-mounted paper delivery boy. Serial quipster 0A5599 offered the best explanation, referencing the ’80s comedy masterpiece Better off Dead:

“Lane planned to build a sturdy fence to keep the paperboy away, but ultimately, he figured it was easier to just swing by the bank to get the two dollars.”

In second, our esteemed mdharrell offer us this narration:

“Welcome to Drive In Motor Bank. How may we help you?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need a couple of L-heads and a Hemi, and I’d like to place a deposit for one of those cross-rams for when they come out. Oh, and a Whizzer for the kid back there.”

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23 responses to “Classic Captions Contest – 1987 Toyota Wonderwagon Edition”

  1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    Last known photo of the Jones’s. Everyone tried to keep up with them but they got so far ahead of their neighbors that they were lost forever to nature.

  2. JayP Avatar
    JayP

    The dingo ate our baby.

    1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Just a depressing side note. The father in story just passed the other day. The nice thing, if there is such a thing, is that evidence turned up to prove the story true and that both parents were exonerated. Of course that doesn’t stop me from saying it either.

      1. dr zero Avatar
        dr zero

        Michael Chamberlain was a schoolmate of my Dad, and used to go to their yearly reunions in Sydney. He was apparently quite open about how much the death of Azalea and the investigation messed up his life.

  3. CraigSu Avatar
    CraigSu

    The Toyota Van: Built for the family whose color choice in clothing runs all the way through to their vehicles. Beige.

  4. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    Orange County 2019:
    “After the great global economic apocalypse of 2018, where humanity sold everything it owned that wasn’t dirt or rocks, the Lewis family proudly welcomes you to their new home”.

  5. HDS Avatar
    HDS

    In our market it was know as Model F

  6. Batshitbox Avatar
    Batshitbox

    Band members Tucson, Sedona, Santa Fe, Navajo and Durango pose for the cover of their eponymous debut album “Toyota Van Beethoven”, shortly before receiving a cease and desist order.

    1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Nicely played. Here’s a High Ace so you can complete your set.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fd2d1004d1f1557f62eb70ba8daf619bc06329cd7b95d7747d4c35afc5477d4f.jpg

      1. Batshitbox Avatar
        Batshitbox

        Is that the High Ace Of Spades? Cease and Desist!
        http://www.allaccess.com/assets/img/editorial/raw/le/lemmy.jpg

        1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
          Wayne Moyer

          No I think you are confusing it for David Spade’s $900,000 Dodge Charger. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0515a122fdcf2a29b2ad5c944a5d8b6d3e0ac24e441ff0549342a4a2a332ab3f.jpg

          1. nanoop Avatar

            I’m no expert, but that looks vintage.

          2. Wayne Moyer Avatar
            Wayne Moyer

            You can tell it’s vintage since it has real fake paneling.

  7. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    Where we’re going, we don’t need any roads. A map and compass would have been a good idea, though. And some food and water. And a rescue beacon.

    1. nanoop Avatar

      Dad’s wearing his blanket already, though.

  8. Maymar Avatar
    Maymar

    The Albertsons were always fond of exploring new territory. The construction crew building the Mesa Trader Joe’s were less fond of them though, and wished they’d stop getting in the way, and just drive to Scottsdale like everyone else if they’re that hard up for cookie butter.

  9. outback_ute Avatar
    outback_ute

    Publicity shot for the National Lampoon film that never got released, Desert Vacation

  10. Mr.Roadrage Avatar
    Mr.Roadrage

    Marshall and his family
    On a routine expedition
    Met a mild crosswind on the road.
    High in the mountains.
    It struck their tiny van.
    And plunged them down a thousand feet below.
    To the Land of the Lost.
    To the Land of the Lost.
    To the Land of the Lost.

    1. Wayne Moyer Avatar
      Wayne Moyer

      Nicely played.

  11. Inliner Avatar
    Inliner

    Let’s go places, they said. Moving forward, they said.
    Well, we did, and look how lost we are.
    (Context: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota#Toyota_slogans )

  12. Inliner Avatar
    Inliner

    Brown and Beige are such unpretentious official colour names, rather unlike their clothing choice.
    http://www.toyotareference.com/van

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