Classic Captions Contest – 1984 Mercury Cougar LS Edition

This week’s Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest comes to us on no other than, #ThrowbackThursday. How coincidental. Let’s jump back in time to the early 1980s, before yours truly was fortunately born, to the ’84 Cougar LS from Mercury. The image above tells a gentle story about Shirlena and Sheperd, who are just wrapping up a sunset evening of strolling along the bustling coast of Ft Lauderdale.
Before we continue this saga from 1984, let’s look at the last Hooniverse Classic Captions where a horde of skiers almost lit an Oldsmobile Firenza on fire out in Winter Park, Colorado, on their way to après-ski drinks at the local pub. Here are a few of the winning comments:

“Now available with a performance-tuned engine, complete with a KKK turbocharger! Oldsmobile. We build Cavaliers, too.”-stifshift

“‘Drugs, we all do it, just not at work.’
Firenza, the hangover car.”-

“It might be the ‘80s, but the budget didn’t stretch to cocaine.”-

Back to the beach. Sheperd, or “Sleazy Shep” his buddies in the old frat house use to call him, just scored a big promotion at his managing job of the local Kinkos and wanted to treat himself to something luxurious. Shep was convinced buying a luxurious car with a cat name on it, would win Shirlena’s good graces a tad bit more. Do you think Shep makes Shirlena growl like a cougar when he brings that 4.9-liter V8 to life? “Baby do the growl.” Analyzing the brochure image above a bit closer brings a few questions to mind:

  1. How on earth did Shep get his Cougar out on to the beach without kicking up any sand on the tires or rear fenders?
  2. Did he lock the keys in the car and, due to a massive line of cocaine that was minutes ago, snorted from atop that chrome side mirror cap, forgot the entry code? Which is clearly probably 1-3-5-7 or 69, twice.
  3. What is Shirlena looking at?
  4. Is that Shep’s uniform he’s wearing when he manages the chaotic counter at Kinkos?
  5. What song fits this image? I’m leaning more towards this, with a dash of crashing waves too.

Use the comment section below to tell the story.

By |2018-05-11T07:30:38+00:00May 11th, 2018|Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest|20 Comments

About the Author:

By day, Robby DeGraff is an Industry Analyst for an automotive market research and product-consulting firm. Based an hour from Road America in Wisconsin, he once piloted a Suzuki Jimny around Iceland for two weeks in the middle of winter. Robby still has his first car, a red 2001 Camaro, plus a Saabaru with 233,000 miles and a 1981 Honda CB650. Someday he lusts to own a first-generation Aston Martin Vanquish or a Volkswagen Vanagon.