Classic Captions – '54 Lincoln Edition

This week’s old-timey ad image contains not one car, but three differently outfitted 1954 Lincolns, skillfully chosen to show the car’s multi-faceted something-or-other. Or perhaps, they just happened to parked next to each other. What the ad men wished to convey is immaterial, of course, because what we’re interested in is what you make of all this — or more accurately, what witty thing you can make of it. Leave a comment, a narrative, a song parody, or even a photoshopped image below. You might achieve fame, fortune, and a minor mention in next week’s installment.

1967 Chevrolet Ad-09Speaking of winners, last week’s highest vote-getter was 0A5599, who provided this backstory on our Nova’s two personalities: “Nancy went out to San Francisco in that Summer of Love, and returned as a changed person. She developed a fondness for LSD – limited slip differentials.” Right behind him was irishzombieman, who explained the situation this way: “Tina walked right up to the driver’s side, dressed like a bouquet of wildflowers in a sunny summer meadow, and leaned on the car like she owned it. She pulled it off so well that even the Nova’s owner talked to her long enough for Gina, on the far side, to siphon off enough gas to fill their 5-gallon jerry can.”
Both very clever quips, indeed! Notice that they mined their humor from applying automotive or cultural references to specific visual elements of the image. And that, gentlemen, is how it’s done if you long to gather many upvotes unto the bosom of your Disqus account.
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  1. P161911 Avatar

    Well considering what could be in the trunk of a car returning from Mexico, we see here one of the first illustrations of the “Nobody rides for free” creed. (Ass, gas, or grass).

  2. Alff Avatar

    Strange juxtaposition. Proof that irrelevance is part of Lincoln’s “brand DNA”.

  3. dukeisduke Avatar

    Hmmmm… I don’t see any Lincoln pictures.

    1. kogashiwa Avatar

      Me either.

    2. Rover 1 Avatar
      Rover 1

      Running Firefox and no pictures here either 4 hours later.

      1. dukeisduke Avatar

        On Google Chrome, one day later, still no pictures. But I went and viewed them. Yeah, that woman was hot. There was another ad showing the Carrera Panamericana Lincoln that was more accurate, with the blackwalls and red steelies.

      2. Tanshanomi Avatar

        Can you see it here?

  4. 0A5599 Avatar

    My pappy said, “Son, you’re gonna’ drive me to drinkin’
    If you don’t stop drivin’ that Hot Rod, Fuel Economy, Trophy Wife Lincoln.”

  5. Wayne Moyer Avatar
    Wayne Moyer

    Soccer mom’s will always be faster than the quickest race car drivers and Lincoln knows it.

  6. mdharrell Avatar

    “How long can we get away with this before someone notices these ’54s are just warmed-over ’53s? Or, in fact, just ’53s?”

    1. Alff Avatar

      Maybe the public was still in awe of ball joints and the y-block.

      1. mdharrell Avatar

        That’s fair. I know I am.

  7. Prince Halibrand Avatar
    Prince Halibrand

    The desire for attention motivates men to plaster various eye-catching slogans, symbols and logos all over their cars and clothing. Women, on the other hand, just carry a vagina with them.

  8. Alff Avatar
  9. GTXcellent Avatar

    rub-a-dub-dub three Capris in a tub,
    and who do you think they be?
    The racer, the pacer and the gold-digging neighbor,
    Turn’em loose on the pavement all three

  10. Prince Halibrand Avatar
    Prince Halibrand

    “The 1954 Lincoln has the largest engine, fuel tank and back seat available!”

  11. tonyola Avatar

    I can’t see the cars in Windows Chrome, but IE shows the pictures.

  12. Lokki Avatar

    The Border Patrol helicopter soared over the endless dunes of the southwestern desert between Mexico and the U.S. Suddenly below them they saw three Lincoln automobiles which amazingly seemed to have all run out of gas at the exactly same place. Beside each car, apparently, stood its driver. The chopper’s pilot, Hank, shouted through his mic in his best corn-fed country voice – “Damn Bruce, we only got room for one in this here bird – the other two is gonna have to stay till tormorrow. Which one is it gonna be? Bruce, an immaculately dressed young man from the city, licked his lips while he pondered the question. Steak or chicken was always such a tough decision.

  13. Citric Avatar

    “For the last time boys, Sun Valley is NOT a euphemism!”

  14. ptschett Avatar

    Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but ladies prefer cars that aren’t a neutral color.

  15. Kyle Allen Avatar

    Should have bought a Cadillac, Mercedes…. At least that jackass McConaughey is not in it . I hate that idiot. I would love to run him over in a Lincoln

      1. Kyle Allen Avatar

        Don’t really care

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