Are you smarter than a fifth-grader: KSL Classifieds Edition

after market bagedless grill

If you don’t know by now, I live in Utah (save the Mormon jokes, heard them all, invented a few of my own) and I LOVE to surf the classified section on KSL (one of our local news outlets).  It’s kind of like a local craigslist but heavier on the bandwidth and script errors.  And although a schload of ads come through everyday, most are your typical 19xx-2009 Forchevodge Accormryotaburu type stuff.  Occasionlly I stumble upon a gem like the LeMons 2-fer.  Today however, I found a heavily modified GTI built by a fifth grader…
Ok, so I don’t know that this fella is an actual fifth grader, but he definately has the edjucashun of a fifth grader.  Ok, scratch that, my daughter is in 4th grade and has more insightful, intelligent, meaningful conversations with her 6 year-old cousin than this guy could ever dream of having with a burlap sack full of hammers, though I bet he could probably color his way out of a Little Mermaid book.  I could go on and on but I will let this genius speak for himself:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!REDUSED PRICE IM MOVEING MUST SALE!!!!!!!!!!!Its a 86′ GTI prodject that i did but im not quit finished yet it needs a little more work but nothin major jus the insides it was supposed to be a racer thats y i dont have the back seats in it but the driver an passenger seats r brandnew racing bucket seats it has a brandnew matlicsilver paint job, bandnew shift linkage,its lowered (60/40) one of a kind custom front end after market bagedless grill, HID front lights , the tale lights are smoked it has new clutch in it,brand new dule exhaust,new steerin wheel Only 100,000 original miles,the guage cluster it says 180 its because i replaced it with a new one.YOU ARE WELCOME TO COME TEST DRIVE IT ANY TIME .ILL TAKE BEST OFFER.If you need more pics or information give me a call anytime Thank You for lookin at my add

To summarize:

  • This is an 86′ GTI prodject
  • brandnew everything
  • finished in matlicsilver (obviously not on the market yet)
  • bagedless grill
  • some sort of high-end (fairy?) tale lights
  • state-of-the-art dule exhaust

in case u wer wonderin wut it luked lik befor he gradjeated

Seriously, this car has it all!  How could you go wrong for $2500?  With all the unique, one-of-a-kind upgrades this kid has done, you would be stupid not to buy it.
Find the ad here

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  1. muthalovin Avatar

    You Suck At KSL Classifieds.
    If I could take a dollar off the price for every error, this (hmmm, is it cool if i use idiot? I don't want to get lambasted) idiot, he would owe me back infinity. My head still hurts.

  2. Deartháir Avatar

    Go easy on the poor guy, he's typing with his forehead.

  3. Kogashiwa Avatar

    this is basically a rolling lolcat

  4. engineerd Avatar

    Stop. You had me at "!!!".

    1. Jo_Schmo Avatar

      Don't be a Fool! Stay in school!

  5. skaycøg Avatar

    I give the kid an E for effort, but I liked the befor more betterer.

    1. Deartháir Avatar

      Roger that. Guh. He just took the old grille, after he got his after market bagedless grill, and stuck it right underneath! Honestly, if you're going to try something like that (don't!), at least try and make all the edges line up. Randomly sticking shit wherever you can find it on your car doesn't work. It ends up looking like… well, like you randomly stuck shit somewhere on your car.

    2. skitter Avatar

      That's a>/i> E for effort. Don't you know grammer?

      1. skaycøg Avatar

        I ain't very good at it. I didn't pay attenshun good.

        1. RacinG73 Avatar

          Don't worry. Hes jest flashin' his high-falutin edumacashun. Dam ivey leeg librul.

    1. engineerd Avatar

      Poor Black Mamba tried out for the Spice Girls and was rejected. She probably could have played the race card, but she's too classy.

      1. FЯeeMan Avatar

        I thumbs-upped you several times for that, but it would only let me do it once.
        Very well played!

  6. soo’pәr-bādd75 Avatar

    Am I crazy or does anyone else think this car slightly resembles a Range Rover from the front? Not exactly the look I'd go for on my VDub.

  7. iheartstiggie Avatar

    I laughed, I cried, I cried some more. When I first looked at the pics I couldn't believe someone would mod it to look like THAT…then I read the article…enuff sayd. It's for reasons like this I am terrified to buy off line…even though every VW (aircooled, cant eff them up too bad) we've gotten has been via the internet. Then again, it's all been from TheSamba and we trust those guys to death.
    Hooniverse should start a classless-fied ad section! I've got a few things to sell. Need moar room in the garage.

  8. Gearhead Avatar

    I think more than just the "tale lights" have been smoked…

  9. joshuman Avatar

    This 1986 probably has the stock 1.8 engine with the big 8-valves and if you are going to spend that much time on the front end, I would hope it would have something under the hood to back it up. Since he tells us about shift linkage rather than a 1.8T swap, I will pass. At least he resisted the monowiper "mod" even if the car apparently does not come with wiper blades.
    I'm full of love for the Mk II GTI and have no qualms about a headlight swap as long as it is to quad or dual round E-codes or the Rally Golf setup. Since this put such a bad taste in my mouth, let's look at RPI's turbo VR6 AWD Golf. It uses some Corrado parts which I'm sure makes Deartháir happy.
    <img src="; style="width: 400px; border: 0" alt="imgTag" />

  10. Tim Odell Avatar
    Tim Odell

    At one of my previous jobs, the question came up: machines or people?
    As in: which do you like better or which do you prefer to deal with on a regular basis?
    You can guess what my answer was. I will be adding this to my evidence file.

  11. bzr Avatar

    I can imagine this is one of those people that types by pecking at the keys with two fingers.
    It probably took him 30 minutes and a Jager Bomb to type that.

  12. CptSevere Avatar

    That looks suspiciously like a certain apartment complex in SLC that's chock-full of douchebags. I used to run cab orders to and from said complex. Actually, the whole damn town is crawling with douchebags (excluding our Mr. Schmo, of course).
    I'm so glad I don't live there anymore.

  13. jjd241 Avatar

    mee kno speeel so gud miselph, bught thisg uy bee reelee badd!

  14. jjd241 Avatar

    o ya, fif grad wuz bestest fore yeers ov mi lyfe!

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  16. Brittany33Pruitt Avatar

    I guess that to receive the credit loans from creditors you must have a great reason. However, once I’ve received a short term loan, just because I was willing to buy a house.