Every year, the 24 Hours of LeMons adds a new venue or two to its schedule. The hope is to include new hooptie haunts to the annual LeMons calendar and results have been mixed. This weekend brings the only new venue on the 2015 calendar, Thompson Speedway Motorsports Park in Connecticut for “There Goes the Neighborhood.” Thompson’s newly renovated 1.7-mile road course even uses much of the 5/8-mile paved oval that was, according to Wikipedia, the first asphalt oval in the United States. Neato.
With 95 cars entered, the 1.7 miles of racing shouldn’t be any more crowded than a typical race and even then, it’s usually only the start of the race that is crowded before attrition slices through the field like a Sawzall through a 1970s Fiat (which may become a regular sight this weekend, as well). Early-week weather forecasts call for rain on Saturday, which should keep things nice and chaotic on a track that few, if any, teams will be familiar with.


There’s a lot to be excited for at this race: the Renault Fuego Turbo’s return to the Turbo Zone, LeMons’ first Citroen SM, a pair of Fiats, a pair of Dodge Daytona Shelbys, General Motors’ mid-to-full-size-front-wheel-drive bonanza, the Vanagon-bodied Toyota MR2 Spyder, and some highly low-quality depreciated luxury cars. This is a terrific field, especially in Class C, so expect nothing but domination.
Now, on to the race “preview.” Hooniverse’s last LeMons preview featured guest editor Blake Field’s dramatic entomological metaphors for the race teams on the entry list that was really and truly cromulant, possibly even emaculant. Blake’s arrive-and-drive team, Team Sheen, went on to win the 24-hour race so I thought I’d give him the week off.
Of course, I’d be doing Hooniverse reader and LeMons readers a disservice by actually trying to predict the race (OK, I did that here a tiny bit), so I’ve instead decided to be guide LeMons fans through the esoteric and occasionally entertaining world of super-niche websites. I am but a conduit for the Internet, branching off from the main tubes to bring you the finest in organic, artisanal web content and so I bring you one single-serving website per race team with an explanation of what lie in wait at the link. Let the brain melt begun in last race’s preview continue unabated:
#21 Interceptor Motorsports (Renault Fuego Turbo, above) – To generate a new password with only a modicum of judgment, click here.
#42 3 Pedal Mafia B (Citroen SM) – To slap a grown man with an eel, click here.
#71 Connecting Rod Liberation Front (Fiat 124 Sport Coupe) – To watch an automated game of Arcturan Mega-Checkers, click here.
#13 Rescue Auto Racing (Fiat 131) – To find out which aquatic fowl are best, click here.
#11 Lemontarians A (Chevy Citation X-11) – To learn about colors in a simple audio tutorial, click here.
#92 Futility Motorsports (Dodge Daytona Shelby) – To shake a wiggly hot dog and give epileptics seizures, click here.
#969 The C-Team (Dodge Daytona Shelby) – To curse your heirs, click here.
#16 Sinical Racing 3 (Volkswagen Beetle, Ford Lima swap) – To watch a British man play air-bass, click here.

#78 Mod Squad Racing A (Toyota MR2/Vanagon, above) – To see a job description for Eric Rood’s position in the world, click here.
#115 Silent But Deadly Racing A (Ford Galaxie) – To see 20th Century sculpture turned into virtual art, click here.
#451 Park Bench Racing Team (Buick Regal) – To see a dirty trick for page views, click here.
#141 Low Budget Racing Team (Oldsmobile Intrigue) – To look at an aesthetically pleasing mango, click here.
#88 Not So Grand Prix (Pontiac Grand Prix) – To bees, click here.
#38 Fiasco Rallysport (Merkur XR4Ti) – To occupy yourself for an hour or so with one GIF, click here.
#43 3 Pedal Mafia D (Triumph TR7) – To ruin your obsessive self, click here.
#117 Team Animal Farm, Ugly Duckling Racers (Chrysler PT Cruiser) – To see a cartoon naked old man, click here [a little NSFW].

#182 lol NSA (Toyota Corolla, above) – To watch a window-licking pug, click here.
#7 3 Pedal Mafia C (Toyota Cressida) – To see cat images bouncing on your screen like an early Windows screensaver, click here.
#855 Infinite Mess Hall (Infiniti Q45) – To see a graphic representation of the Fibonacci Sequence, click here.
#132 Speedycop & the Gang of Outlaws (Lexus SC400) – To visit the awesome Friends of Hooniverse who race this car, click here.
#288 Most Least Interesting Car in the World (Mercedes Benz 260E) – To see the Most Least Interesting website in the world, click here.
#39 Overengineer’d Racing (BMW E12) – To stretch the Rising Sun on Japan’s national flag, click here.
#36 European Dent Crisis (BMW 2002) – To be terrified of a woman sitting at a table in some kind of weird Salad Fingers way, click here.
#87 Das Boot – Sauregurkenzeit (BMW 2002) – To has a bucket, click here.
#102 Jynweythek Engineering (BMW 2002) – To celebrate corn dogs, click here.
#585 Rusty Tear Racing (Pontiac Fiero) – To make a cube sad when you try to navigate away from its page, click here.
#296 Rectangular Pupil Racing (Saturn SL2) – To make a telephone ring and/or drive your older relatives crazy, click here.
#9 Elmo’s Revenge (Saturn SL2) – To worship the Hypnotoad, click here.
#998 Orbits Near Uranus (Saturn SC2) – To see and hear realistically flatulent chiroptera, click here.
#555 Seems Legit Racing (Chevy Cavalier) – To look for a ninja message, click here.

#3 Lemontarians B (Dodge Neon) – To discover if the future will be awesome, click here.
#124 Prestige Worldwide (Subaru Impreza) – To practice point-bys, click here.
#18 The Long Drive (Subaru Impreza) – To get ninja swole, click here.
#60 Magic School Bus Racing Team (Subaru Forester) – To keep tabs on the European Union’s Doomsday Device, click here.
#51 Brooklyn Bomb Squad (Audi 100 Quattro) – To get a systems check, click here.
#49 We Audi Be Faster I (Audi Coupe) – To donate to an indeterminate cause, click here.
#924 Holton St. Eurotrash (Porsche 924S) – To disrespect a coworker or member of Congress, click here.
#160 Scotch Rocket Racing (Porsche 924) – To swim upstream to the spawning grounds, click here.
#46 Clownfish Racing (Volvo 850) – To null the void, click here.

#81 Volvo Vikings (Volvo 850, above) – To whatever the hell this is, click here.
#244 SlowSwedes (Volvo 240) – To stare unfocused at your screen for a while, click here.
#20 eEuroparts.com (Saab 900) – To like an anonymous Facebook page, click here.
#23 Carbeque (Saab 900) – To express the WTF, click here.
#112 Junky VW Motorcarering (Volkswagen Beetle) – To laugh at Bart Simpson properly, click here.
#667 Electile Dysfunction (Volksagen Jetta) – To see a to-scale crouton, click here.
#98 Audobon Cruisemobile (Volkswagen Jetta) – To be disturbed by a cartoon Corgi orgy, click here.
#69 Ghetto Art Rabbit (Volkswagen Jetta) – To upset your OCD with colors instead of circles this time, click here.

#15 Hertzwen I.P. (Volkswagen Jetta, above) – To print off half of a counterfeit dime, click here.
#14 Team Farfrumwinnin (Volkswagen Fox) – To see a snowman, click here.
#8 1/2 fasst (Chevy Camaro) – To have your mind boggled by some kind of Minecraft thing, click here.
#25 Circle Jerks Racing (Chevy Camaro) – To experience a fleeting moment of self-affirmation, click here.
#299 SillyNannies (Ford Mustang) – To practice queuing, click here.
#147 Floodstang (Ford Mustang) – To hypnotize yourself for a bit, click here.
#762 Renegade Racers (Mitsubishi Eclipse) – To see metal Ned Flanders, click here.
#37 Mod Squad Racing B (Toyota MR2) – To see some typical crap on the Internet, click here.
#351 The Cosmonaughts (Toyota MR2) – To Netherlands, click here.
#31 Nuthin’ But a Z Thang (Datsun 280Z) – To watch a pitched battle between warring pixel factions, click here.
#199 One Tire Fire (Datsun 280ZX) – To watch morphing 3D pictures and play around with them, click here.
#281 Frog Racing (Datsun 280ZX) – To see a white ninja page, click here.
#125 Gadget Inspectors (Nissan 240SX) – To spin a leek, click here.

#701 Hazzardous Racing (Mazda RX-7, above) – To simulate when you fall asleep while watching a DVD, click here.
#45 DirtyMikeAndTheBoys (Mazda Miata) – To tempt your taste buds with race driver fuel, click here.
#90 DNF Racing (Mazda Miata) – To watch animated dogs running past a scrolling rainbow background to 8-bit music, click here.
#28 MarioKartDriving School (Honda Prelude) – For more dog content, click here.
#41 3 Pedal Mafia A (Honda Civic) – To see the world’s most hardcore prawns, click here.
#111 Five on the Floor (Honda Civic) – To find out how great of a guy the president is, click here.
#421 Old Guys With Angry Wives (Honda Civic) – To explain why you’re tired, click here.
#33 Cannibal Cafe Racing (Honda Civic) – To hear the egotist’s anthem, click here.
#410 Dahlinboyswithfrankenphil (Acura Integra) – To create a proactive yellow flag for blowing up your car, click here.

#314 The Science Project (Acura Integra, above) – To answer in the affirmative without a ton of excitement, click here.
#50 50 Shades of AAA (Acura Integra) – To make a virtual run down an infinitely long and infinitely abandoned desert road on a starry night, click here.
#96 Bald Bearings Racing (Acura Integra) – To thank Andy Warhol continuously forever, click here.
#59 Low-T Sewing Circle & Book Club (BMW E28) – For the greatest piece of advice from the Indiana Jones movies, click here.
#151 Dutch Oven Racing (BMW E28) – To see a page that is randomly red or blue, click here.
#269 Inefficient Dynamics (BMW E34) – To defiantly spell correctly, click here.
#48 Thunder for Days (BMW E36) – To find out the color of the Empire State Building, click here.
#888 NYC Fastest Taxi (BMW E36) – Khaaan! (Click here)
#74 theking (BMW E46) – To experience a classic, click here.
#29 2-Broke 2-Care (BMW E30) – To read Terms of Service for illegal tender, click here.
#44 BostonWhiners (BMW E30) – To do absolutely nothing for two minutes, click here.
#94 Team Zima’r (BMW E30) – To find out how many people are in space, click here.

#30 Overengineer’d Racing (BMW E30, above) – To understand the depths of Gavin Rossdale’s lyrical genius, click here.
#131 Scuderia Regurgito (BMW E36) – To make important life decisions, click here.
#128 Bazinga Racing (Nissan 300ZX) – To noot, click here.
#19 Scooby Doobies (Audi Coupe Quattro) – To start a tea timer that is 27 years and one hour long, click here.
#992 SillyNannies (Audi A6) – To find out when the next Friday the 13th is, click here.
#35 Sorry for Party Racing (Pontiac Firebird) – To convert any measurements into Glenn Danzigs, click here.

#1 Kielbasa Kids (Honda Civic) – To answer the most important musicians’ question, click here.
#230 Swedish Mafia Racing (Volvo 245) – To find out what your next Tweet should be, click here.
#99 FRS’s Ugly Uncle (Toyota Camry Solara) – To choose a side in the eternal battle of good and evil, click here.
#508 Massholes (Ford Escort ZX2) – To turn your name arbitrarily into a face, click here.
#26 Team Pro Crash Duh Nation (Alfa Romeo Milano) – To listen to wisdom from Dumb and Dumber, click here.
#10 MR2 Old to Care (Toyota MR2) – To watch old Betamax tapes, click here.
#262 Vermont BertOne (Volvo 262C Bertone) – To see the greatest thing on the Internet, click here.
#301 Rust in the Wind (Nissan 300ZX, Saab Turbo swap) – When you’re done with the Internet, say the URL out loud after you’ve click here.
 
Consider this not just a reference card for the race this weekend in Connecticut, but remember this and bookmark it as a guide to the Internet.
As always, you can follow live timing on the Specialty Timing site and get some updates on the LeMons Facebook page and LeMons Blog.