No, you’re not hallucinating; the 24 Hours of LeMons is once again at California’s Sonoma Raceway this weekend for packed track of wheel-to-wheel action and inaction. Well, maybe you’re hallucinating. But that doesn’t change the fact that LeMons holds its sixth annual “Sears Pointless” at the Track Formerly Known as Sears Point and Infineon Raceway. As has historically been the case, this is one of LeMons most popular races with 180 teams signed up to try their hand on the track’s insane, roller-coaster contours.
The traditional March race at Sonoma occasionally exhibits grumpy weather, but early-week forecasts call for extremely pleasant weather in California’s wine country. This particular field exudes excellence and effluence (as you can see on the unofficial entry list), so follow the jump for what is certainly Hooniverse’s best 24 Hours of LeMons preview yet.

CLASS C

As always, these race previews require a brief moment of explanation about the classes: Class A is for the cars with a prayer of winning, Class B is for cars with a prayer of finishing, and Class C is for those with no prayer of finishing. Naturally, that leaves Class C as the most entertaining and “exotic” of the classes, hosting a survey of oddballs and orphans. This race should feature several spectacular(ly failing) examples, so read on.
(As ever, any comment on classes is made strictly based on heaps of pointless, geeky knowledge accumulated by this LeMons correspondent. All classing decisions are made the day before the race by the esteemed LeMons Supreme Court.)
#81 Pit Crew Revenge (1981 AMC Eagle) – LeMons has seen a few AMC products, but this is the first Eagle and it comes, of course, at the hands of LeMons Legend Chris Overzet. With an early four-wheel-drive system, yards of suspension travel, and the brand’s last-gasp parts-bin raiding, what could possibly go wrong?
#973 Bangers N Mash Presents Smell the Glove Racing (Jensen Healey) – Yes, Neil Peart of the band Rush races this car. And the only way that could be better/worse is if he and/or his teammates are recreating Spinal Tap. I sincerely hope there’s a 18-inch Stonehenge spoiler on the decklid.
#907 Old Crows B (Jensen Healey) – The Old Crows are sure a brave bunch, cashing in a solid V6 Mustang for a 907-engined Jensen.
#981 Bodge Engineering (Rover SD1) – The British Bonanza at this race continues with British Leyland’s finest mediocre V8 product.
#180 Missfits (Jaguar XJ6) – This late-model XJ6 on paper isn’t that bad of a racecar with more than 200 horsepower on tap.That line was nearly typed with a straight face.

#421 Team Westafari (Volkswagen Vanagon VR6) – The Westafari has likely been on some kind of soul-searching odyssey in the desert for the last two years, but this surprisingly quick VR6-swapped Vanagon returns for some unfinished business. As soon as it gets some coffee, man.
#101 Useless Old People (Isuzu Impulse) – At Thunderhill last year, this poor rare-but-not-remotely-valuable car got a trunk full of M3, but it returns with a rebuilt rear end.
#122 LOL Racing  (Volvo 122) – Also at Thunderhill, LOL’s Volvo 1800 crumpled around a K wall, but the team have since transplanted the 1800’s drivetrain in a straight 122.
#50 Buck Yeager and the Casual Sound Barrier Society (Ford Capri) – The well-traveled and renowned California Capri team are possibly the most laidback race team anywhere on the planet.

#827 Le Citron (Pontiac Lemans) – A Malaise Era barge that embodies that time at Le Mans when Cadillac brought Le Monstre to appall the refined French racing fans.
#966 Point Breakers (Chevy Caprice) – Vaya con dios, brah.
#181 The GMObiles (Chevy El Camino) – Wait, is the El Camino just a genetically modified Chevelle? I demand such atrocities be removed from my racing.
#41 Pony Keg (Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) – I’ll always love these boxy Cutlasses, even when they’re covered in leathery pinto pony skin.
#404 As Seen on TV Racing B (Toyota “Starolla”) – The As Seen on TV crew are generally pretty competent, so don’t be surprised if this team put their sweet little ’80s econobox at the top of the Class C standings.
#210 B210 Racing (Datsun B210) – The most self-evident LeMons team name in all of LeMons-dom.
#197 A Lemon Entry (Nissan Stanza) – Having lived in the Midwest, this writer can’t remember the last time he saw a Nissan Stanza.
#57 Team-Ing WIth Additional Bad Ideas (Austin Mini) – Running a Mini on a track with 180 cars is brave

#4 Pit Crew Revenge B (Mazda B2200) – The famous RV/Rod Millen Tacoma truck returns as a “boat hauler.” Given how this car has looked in the past, it should be good.
#0 LaHonda Bandits Racing Grope (Porsche 914) – I’m still not sure how this car has never won Class C. It seems that a tiny bobble usually costs them just enough time to fall short of a class win.
 

CLASS B

As usual, I’m generally clueless what to say with the middle class in LeMons. This tends to be the crevasse into which slip the crappy-but-reliable and fast-but-unreliable entries. It always remains tough to know what to expect from this class so rather than attempt to describe it, here’s a list of all the teams I’d expect in Class B with a single word prediction that is in no way simply a word picked from a random word generator.
Nope.
Not one aciculated madreporite.

OVERALL/CLASS A

If you’re a betting human person, you should know that four teams in this race have 21 wins combined between them: Cerveza Racing’s BMW E28 (7), Eyesore Racing’s Mazda Miata (6), the Model T GT (5), and the Porch Racing/Depend Porsche 944 (3, all consecutively at Sonoma). I’d wager on one of them coming out on top with Sour Aviation Racing (Ford Mustang), Tired Iron Racing (Mazda Miata), The Faustest Team (BMW E30), Clergy MC (Mazda Miata), and maybe the EDBD Racing (Eagle Talon) putting up a fight in the Top 5.
Because it’s patently obvious at this point that I’m tossing this together at the last minute, here is a list of every car I’d expect in Class A, ranked by team name:
#89 The Homer by Porcubimmer Motors (BMW E30, above)
#45 The Last Ride of Hector Salamanca (Honda CRX)
#428 Totally Mediocre Ninja Turtles (Infiniti G20)
#298 The Tom Clancies (BMW E28)
#508 Motordead (BMW E30)
#159 Dog Daytona (Nissan 300ZX)
#117 The Fat and the Furious (Geo Metro-Gnome)
#17 Bunny With Or Without A Pancake On Its Head (Volkswagen Rabbit)
#5 Hella Shitty Racing (BMW E30)
#14 Julius Seizure (BMW E36)
#132 Agitated Agrarians (Ford Mustang)
#383 Pinewood Dirtbags (BMW E36 M3/Chevy Luv)
#10 SchtuffNZPants (BMW E36)
#20 The Homey Depot (Nissan 240SX)
#431 Team Petty Cash (Jeep Cherokee)
#88 Bullet Bill (Ford Mustang)
#226 Half-Life Racing Ra-D-Um (Mazda Miata) and #137 Half-Life Racing Seize-Z-Um (Nissan 300ZX)
#666 IWannaRoc (Chevy Camaro)
#711 Learning2Turn (Chevy Corvette)
72-way tie for last
 
As usual, you can follow live timing from Specialty Timing’s website or on the Race Monitor app for Smartphones or devices. However, this race will also have live streaming from the racetrack all weekend on Racer Connect, who are also offering up $125 to the highest finisher in each class with a Racer Connect sticker on the car.
I’m sure we all feel enlightened now. Here are some things to know about the race and its assorted-and-sordid history. Oh, and there’s some money on the

[Photos: Murilee Martin]