The 24 Hours of LeMons’ annual visit to Buttonwillow Raceway Park in the California desert may be the very pinnacle of LeMons-dom: The race has typically been held there in the summer when high temperature peak at around 100 degrees. It’s no surprise, then, that this race goes by the monker of “Button Turrible.” Only the most dedicated LeMoneers suffer through this one, but the most dedicated crews tend to be the best and this race is no exception.
As expected, daytime temperatures should push 100 degrees every day this weekend, which will test both idiot and crappy machine equally. Saturday’s race features a three-hour break at 3 p.m. to beat the heat some while Sunday’s checkered flag comes early at 1:30 p.m. local time. This weekend will feature a full plate of sweaty, stinky racing. Follow the jump for an executive brief on what to expect.


Recently, the 24 Hours of LeMons announced its partnership with the Hot Rod Magazine’s YouTube show/series Roadkill. Roadkill sponsors LeMons now, that is. If you’re not familiar, the series follows Hot Rod editors David Freiburger and Mike Finnegan as they do dumb and/or excellent things to old cars (and boats, sometimes). Everything is always 100 percent more difficult than anticipated and things seldom go right. (Also, go watch all of it, if you haven’t. You won’t regret it.)
Just like the experience of typical LeMons teams.
It’s a natural synergy, I’m told, which is like a synonym of energy wherein everything is made of complete and utter fancy. So naturally, it’s a perfect opportunity to synergy-market the series with people whose personal synergies align with those synergies of LeMons and Roadkill in their ability to market that opportunity.
This is a step forward for the 24 Hours of LeMons, so naturally it’s time for LeMons’ teams to increase their market visibility synergy. I’ve identified a few key brand-strategy-market-partnerships in this weekend’s 114-car field (Unofficial entry list here) and have offered catch-phrase suggestions totally not from a terrible Internet slogan generator with a few random words from a random word generator thrown in for good bad measure.
The full report is below.
 

Market analysis: Effluence group

We’ve prepared this report to look at the fine-quality automobiles that embody “effluence,” that indisputably Lemons-esque synergized quality. You will notice a high percentage of British and General Motors entries; these are companies with a significant marke- share optimization synergy in the field of effluence. Please acclimatize to the following chart, which includes slogans developed over intense seconds weeks of careful planning.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
785	Panting Polar Bear Racing 2	1961	AMC Rambler (above)	“Feel it: Panting Polar Bear Racing!”
57	Team-Ing With Bad Ideas	1964	Austin Mini	“Team-Ing With Bad Ideas, your family will love you.”
661	Planned Obsolescence	1979	Buick Skyhawk	“Where’s Planned Obsolescence? Donuts.”
484	Pinewood Dirtbags 484	1976	Chevy LUV	“Pinewood Dirtbags 484: You see this name, you think dirty.”
200	Dudes Ex Machina	1980	Datsun 200SX	“Pure Dudes Ex Machina. Pure Power.”
448	Gross Polluters Racing Team	1998	GMC Sonoma	“Gross Polluters Racing Team: Get ready.”
447	Team Tinworm	1964	Humber Super Snipe	“Food or Team Tinworm? I’ll have Team Tinworm.”
180	Missfits	2003	Jaguar X-Type	“Make yourself at home with Missfits.”
747	Empty Pockets Racing	1994	Lincoln Town Car	“The secret of Empty Pockets Racing: Amnesia.”
0	LaHonda Bandits Racing Grope	1976	Porsche 914	“Who is LaHonda Bandits Racing Grope? Cannibalism.”
81	Bodge Engineering	1981	Rover 3500 SD1	“Bodge Engineering for a better future.”
191	Aqua Volvo	1979	Volvo 242	“Start the day with Aqua Volvo.”
431	Petty Cash Racing B	1991	Jeep Cherokee	“Petty Cash Racing B extra dry.”

 

Market analysis: MOPAR OR NO CAR (REDUX) panel

We see perhaps a disturbing decline in Chrysler entries with only one last week at our Denver meeting, where Escape Velocity Racing’s Dodge Dart with push-button transmission reintermediated Class C fungibility. This weekend sees only one Mopar interface again.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
40	Neon Pope	1997	Dodge Neon (above)	“Neon Pope, where success is at home.”

 

Market analysis: Japanese oddballs

Our records indicate that synergy imperatives from Japan are leverage highest not from these two makers: Subaru and Mitsubishi. They are character-building, often failing to intrinsically expedite high-quality architectures while also maitaining their ability to simultaneously split flexible infinitives.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
969	Empty Pockets Racing	1993	Mitsubishi 3000GT SL	“I have a penguin infestation. Thanks Empty Pockets Racing.”
248	Team Blowe’s	1995	Mitsubishi Eclipse (above)	“The original Team Blowe’s.”
90	Evil Hella Kitty	1993	Subaru Impreza	“The Future of Evil Hella Kitty: Anteaters.”

 
 

Market analysis: General Motors’ and Camero working group

Our vast research has concluded that, among many other important things, Chevrolet Camaro owners wish to have the name of their car spelled “Camero.” We will be holistically working to actualize this goal in all Camero-related communiques henceforth. Bearing that in mind, GM has revolutionized LeMons market value by epitomiphyzing the nature of “Lemons-tude.”

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
66	Raiders Dance Team	1988	Pontiac Firebird	“Truly Raiders Dance Team. Now with more knife fights!”
707	Learning2Turn B	1994	Pontiac Firebird	“Learning2Turn beats everything…with a hammer.”
56	BFoF Racing (Bakersfield Finest Old Farts)	1991	Chevy Camero	“BFoF Racing brings out the best.”
105	Sheepshaggers	1984	Chevy Camero (above)	“Sheepshaggers is the best! Better than BFoF, even.”
755	Tron	1989	Chevy Camero	“Tron: Empowering people.”
711	Learning2Turn A	1984	Chevy Corvette	“Hallelujah, it’s a Learning2Turn.”
87	ONSET/Tetanus West	1989	Chevy Cavalier	“The best ONSET in the world.”
710	Starving Student Drivers	1999	Chevy Cavalier	“Starving Student Drivers: One name. One legend.”
108	Avis Race-A-Car	2004	Chevy Aveo	“Be part of Avis Race-A-Car. Preferably not the bottom part.”

 

Market analysis: Ford Racing failure-modeling system

Through our complex data crunching with the highly revolutionary Butt-Turrible 386 supercomputer, we’ve identified that the triplets from Turrible T and the Pinto Bean Bandits are the LeMons equivalent of superstars. We feel that they should focus on the five “-ize” (conceptualize, visualize, strategize, plagiarize, and rubidize) in order to aggregate top-line potentialities for the other “Blue Oval” entries to synergize and max-potentialize-ify.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
92	Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits	1927	Ford Model T	“What is Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits? Vampires.”
142	The Old and the Wreckless	1991	Ford Mustang	“You better get your The Old and the Wreckless out.”
171	Old Crows A	1996	Ford Mustang (above)	“Old Crows: The smart choice. Possibly the only choice.”
777	Holy Rollers Racing	1989	Ford Mustang	“Holy Rollers Racing is the only way to be happy.”
27	Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits	1976	Ford Pinto	“Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits – first class!”
67	Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits	1975	Ford Pinto	“Turrible Ts and the Pinto Bean Bandits for your kids! (Not intended for children)”
99	Big Red Racing	1994	Ford Escort	“Big Red Racing, the clever way.”
97	DUCK IT RACING	2001	Ford Focus	“Thanks DUCK IT RACING. Thanks for nothing.”
31	Delinquent Racing	1996	Ford Taurus SHO	“There’s only one true Delinquent Racing!”
339	The Merkur-y Six	1989	Merkur XR4Ti	“The Merkur-y Six: Go for it!”

 

Market analysis: Datsun/Nissan synergized synergy optimization team

Nissan have had some struggles recently in the world marketplace of ideas, but we have to remember the key to synergizing our humanification of market placement: Human capital and high-yield relationships. Proactively remember that we’re envisioneering results for covalent people with tangible assets. When dealing with Nissan clients, always remember your mission statement: “Foster compelling networks not just credibly, but enhance.”

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
808	Haterade	1991	Nissan 300ZX	“I want Haterade and I want it now.”
131	The Underground	1985	Nissan 300ZX Turbo	“Be inspired by The Underground. Catch on fire.”
181	The GMObiles	1974	Datsun 240Z	“The The GMObiles spirit. Twice the the, once the spirit.”
240	Roadkill	1971	Datsun 240Z	“Nothing is faster than Roadkill. Just kidding; take the hood off.”
151	Arrive and Drive	1971	Datsun 510	“Arrive and Drive: If you love Arrive and Drive.”
21	Hazard Frought Fools	1997	Nissan 200SX	“Hazard Frought Fools is your safe place in an unsafe world!”
665	Dia de Los LeMons	1989	Nissan 240SX	“Say ‘Dia de Los LeMons.’ Now hold your tongue and say it.”
138	Carp Diem	1990	Nissan NX2000	“3…2…1…Carp Diem.”
37	Point Breakers	1991	Nissan Sentra	“You can’t stop Point Breakers.”
187	Golden Wang’s Gardening Service	1987	Nissan Sentra	“Golden Wang’s Gardening Service: Stay in touch.”
776	Star Spangled Buttholes	1991	Nissan Sentra (above)	“The Star Spangled Buttholes way of life. Best not imagine it.”

 

Market analysis: Toyopet disaster mitigation response unit

Toyota and related assets have, like the Nissan niche (Chloe, take a note: “Niche-san”), struggled with endurance racing constructs lately. While this weekend Toyota is smaller than the Niche-san contingent, continue to mesh, morph, and monolith the direction of the program. Turn over all the stones and make sure your 12 are worth more than 10 cents.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
177	Uncle Joe’s Racing	1983	Toyota Celica	“Uncle Joe’s Racing: It’s as simple as that!”
182	The Black Flags	1983	Toyota Celica Supra (above)	“I wish I had a The Black Flags.”
550	Fourth Period Drivers Ed	1987	Toyota Corolla FX16	“You better get inside Fourth Period Drivers Ed.”
404	As Seen On TV Racing A	1981	Toyota Starolla	“As Seen On TV Racing: It’s a kind of magic.

 

Market analysis: Bike-powered hybrid analytics

We’re clearly excited by this potentiality. Our data-collection specialists have told us this is exciting, so please feel free to synergize excitement with your constituencies. Remember: People enjoy exciting.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
981	Black Iron Racing MR SakiBOMB	1986	Toyota MR2/Ninja (above)	“And on the eighth day, god created Black Iron Racing MR SakiBOMB. And it wasn’t awful.”
117	The Fat and the Furious	1990	Geo Metro/CBR	“The Fat and the Furious makes your day.”

 

Market analysis: Honda heuristics

Our Honda heuristics team are unable to attend this meeting, but I think we can all agree that “heuristics” needs to be used more often in our vocabulary, since it makes us look smart when we know how to pronounce it.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
192	Takata R&D	1993	Honda Accord	“Discover the world of Takata R&D .”
112	X Dogs	1989	Honda Civic	“X Dogs is a female force.”
207	Sting Yer Ring Rideshare	1988	Honda Civic	“Sting Yer Ring Rideshare for the masses.”
701	Scrappy Dogs Racing A	1989	Honda Civic	“Call a friend. Call Scrappy Dogs Racing.”
86	Team Monaco	1990	Honda CRX	“Ooh la la, Team Monaco.”
301	Scrappy Dogs Racing B	1988	Honda CRX (above)	“My Scrappy Dogs Racing and me.”
733	Team Delivery Driver – Avoid the Noid	1985	Honda CRX	“There’s only one thing in the world I want and that is Team Delivery Driver.”
311	Boom Racing	1996	Honda Prelude	“Stay cool with Boom Racing.”

 

Market analysis: Mazda engineering, but not actually with real engineers [Chloe, put emoticons in report here to show how hip we are.]

It looks like we’re running short on space-time here so we’ll expedite this with fewer infomediaries. Let’s get right to the point with no more bullshit (Pardon the language, but we need conciseness and feeling here):
Our Mazda group clearly delivers enterprise-wide ROI proactively like few low-risk high-yield valuables can. This is the intrinsically mission-critical schema in the whole globally productivated initiative.

Number	Name	Year	Car Type	Slogan
1	Cow Fart Racing	1997	Mazda Miata	“Life’s beautiful with Cow Fart Racing.”
46	Cobra Kai	1990	Mazda Miata	“Cobra Kai beat?”
189	Tired Iron Racing	1991	Mazda Miata	“The Tired Iron Racing people. (*Don’t look them in the eye).”
333	Occupy Pit Lane	1991	Mazda Miata	“Who wouldn’t fight for Occupy Pit Lane?”
553	Eyesore Racing	1993	Mazda Miata	“Jesus loves Eyesore Racing.”
619	Lapping for Leukemia	1991	Mazda Miata	“Be inspired by Lapping for Leukemia.”
920	Auto Lemon Union B	1992	Mazda Miata	“My way is Auto Lemon Union. Unrelated: I’m totally lost.”
18	Formula None Racing	1986	Mazda RX-7	“Live Formula None Racing.”
55	Flaming A-Holes A	1990	Mazda RX-7	“Nonstop Flaming A-Holes.”
555	Mazdarachis	1985	Mazda RX-7	“Share moments, share Mazdarachis.”
647	Hit and Run Racing	1988	Mazda RX-7 (above)	“Feel good with Hit and Run.”

Conclusion

I think the report here speaks for itself and elucidates a fundamentally impactful and value-added methdology. This is synergy, people. I can only lay out the clear path forward; it’s up to you to saunter the saunter on your way to—
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GCjPSnj8BI[/youtube]
 
[You can follow the race via live timing on Specialty Timing’s website or via the Race Monitor app for smartphones and devices. It’s better than baking in the California desert.]
EDIT: The ever-awesome CAMERO owner Julian Cordle has informed that RacerConnect will offer a RaceCast livestream on the web from Buttonwillow. You can view it here with side-by-side live timing. The RaceCast will be later archived on YouTube (Check the comments section for a link).

Some important-ish information
Friday Inspections (Pacific Time)	Noon to 5 p.m.
Saturday Session Time (Pacific Time)	8 a.m. to 3 p.m.; 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.
Sunday Session Time (Pacific Time)	8 a.m. to 1:30 p.m.
LeMons Lap Record	2:05.9 – Geo Player Special (Geo Metro, CBR)
Overall Winners	2009 – Mustard Yellow Volvo… (Volvo 240, V8)
	2010 – Off Consistently (Nissan 300ZX)
	2011 – If It’s Not Punk, It’s Junk (BMW E34)
	2012 – Cerveza Racing (BMW E28)
	2013 – Model T GT (Ford Model T)
	2014 – Cerveza Racing (BMW E28)
Class B Winners	2009 – Lemons Vice (Honda CRX)
	2010 – Spirit of Joe (VW Golf)
	2011 – Dust N Debris (Dodge Shadow)
	2012 – Clueless Party Vikings (Ford Mustang)
	2013 – Team Harlequin (VW Golf)
	2014 – Super Troop (Mercury Zephyr)
Class C Winners	2009 – Italian Stallions (Fiat X1/9)
	2010 – Dai Hard 2: Dai Another Day (Daihatsu Charade)
	2011 – Killer ZomBees (MG MGB)
	2012 – As Seen on TV Racing (Kia Rio)
	2013 – Bozos Suckos (Volkswagen Beetle)
	2014 – Pinewood Dirtbags Troop 282
Index of Effluency Winners	2009 – San Diego Minis aka Team Bean (Austin Mini)
	2010 – King Henry V8th (Cadillac DeVille)
	2011 – Spank’s combined British nonsense
	2012 – Team Tinworm (Humber Super Snipe)
	2013 – Planned Obsolescence (Buick Skyhawk)
	2014 – Idioti Curse O Masina Pentru Idiota aka Spank (Renault R10)

 
[Photos: Murilee Martin except lead photo by Nick Pon/24 Hours of LeMons]