V.I.S.I.T. – Obfuscating the Line Edition

Yarktastic
It needs one of those orange triangles on the back.

Remember that night We I Mitch you forgot that most important of rules, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”?  You wouldn’t, of course… but the results would certainly do their best to impart reminders into your skull the next day.  As does this rolling hangover, which is a study of styling memes shaken, blended and stirred to their steamy upchucked conclusion.
Think that’s just blatant hyperbole?  ‘Tis true that aftermarket mods have long been the argument fodder of subjective tastes, but hear me out and consider:

  • Wouldn’t it look better (?) as an all-yellow car with the airbrushed decal pattern theme carried on and applied cohesively throughout?
  • Does the PBC (Pep Boys Chrome) suit the car, much less bear any thematic relation to its modded state?  Note they came later, as they cover up the sticker-paint.
  • Is there a planet where horsebuggy-inspired black fabric (yes, fabric) top hats go well with techno-yellow and sticker ribbon appliqués?
  • Would it look better if the Amish Hearse window theme was applied to the rear quarters, a-la panel wagon?   Does the tiny, over-matched chrome rivet strip fool anybody into thinking this is a “convertible” (maybe it would with a PBC landau bar)?
  • What purpose does the oversize retractable fabric roof serve: amusing cover for a standard sunroof, or band-aid for a sawzall mistake?   Does the wind deflector live there to serve its intended function when the roof is open, or is it actually to keep the roof from being sheared off?


Despite these puzzling aesthetics, the most distressing thing about this car is the fact that someone, somewhere, expended the effort to develop a sticker package specifically for that ground effects kit, but with such poor sizing and fitment as to make the sum seem like an afterthought.   Marvin the Martian agrees:  a quick Krylon fill was never more necessary.
You want to know something funny?  I sincerely have a hard time making fun of a car like this, as I find them more frustrating than pure folly.    Any one of the displayed themes would have been an acceptable statement – perhaps even a unique, polished, and respectable one –  if the builder simply chose one favorite flavor, mastered and refined it, and knew when to stop.  But this unholy mishmash of Mennonite-Techno-Pimp is just too much to stomach, and so we are left to shake our heads with bemusement whilst steering well clear of the loud, obnoxious aftermath.

Well at least it has a racing whee- wait, what?

So what did we learn today?  Measured amounts of alcohol may indeed be the ticket to recuperation after a hard day of wrenching and brainstorming peeling stickers off backers and attacking felt with a glue-gun, but there are always certain rules to follow and respect.   So the next time one of your buddies starts threatening a garage bender, take away his case of Pabst and send him straight for the Everclear.

0 Comments

  1. I still would despise itcould overlook the exterior if he would have put a proper MOMO racing wheel in it. Instead he installed a cheap Gant wheel, possibly upside down.

  2. Say one wanted to have a shop build a car like that, how would you go about describing what you want to the builder?
    I'm thinking, "and just when you think it can't get any worse, throw some motherf*cking stickers on it."

  3. This guy was bequeathed a $5,000 gift card to Pep Boys by his dying uncle, and he used it all.
    I have to make some sense out of this, because it is so senseless.

  4. I agree with goingincirclez sentiment. I mean some applaud VW for their harlequin cars, lest we forget. Still can't justify the visual chaos though.

    1. You are a God amongst insects on the Photoshop scene my friend! You even got the reflection to look legit! To take a page out of the Wayne's World catalog: "We're not worthy!"

  5. I suppose this is the answer to the question of what happens when a ricer and a lowrider meet a Cadillac accessory salesman but some questions are best left unasked.
    My first reaction was that this car desperately needed a Molotov cocktail to put it out of its misery followed by cubing the remains and dropping them into an active volcano. On second thought it belongs in anti drug ad.

  6. At least it doesn't have a gigantic fartcan. Give the poor bastard credit for that. It's visually offensive, but probably isn't loud and obnoxious.

  7. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
    Those of you in the know will recognize the above as the 1st Amendment to the US Constitution. In modern Constitutional reading, the varying freedoms described herein are generalized into one statement — freedom of expression. The 1st Amendment is what guarantees a person the right to practice their religion how they choose, say what they want, write what they want, and gather to protest what they want. It is also used by artists to fight against government limitations on displays of art.
    As you can see, only the government is prohibited from interfering with a person's free expression. Basically, as long as you're not hurting anyone else or impeding their freedoms, you are guaranteed a right to express yourself.
    However, the 1st Amendment does not protect a person from retribution or mockery or guarantee that anyone else has to like — or even pay attention to — your religion/speech/writings/art/etc. Now, we can't burn this car with fire as we would like, because that is illegal. However, we can deride the character and taste of the creator of this abomination on the interwebs. Because we are expressing our thoughts by doing so — which is guaranteed by the same 1st Amendment that protects this dingbat.

    1. I have no idea what you're talking about, but it sounded like you were in favour of mocking this car, so I agree. Completely.

  8. Body kit: nasty. Rear window: very nasty. Wheels: cheap and nasty.
    Sticker/vinyl/whatever things: well, at least they're different.
    I would've gone with Civic HX alloys and an all-yellow body with flat-black-painted roof, but that's just me. I do kinda like the colour – it's beyond offensive toward awesome, and I'd nickname it "Tennisball".

  9. It is weird to see how many different sites the internet has on this topic I don’t know if I’ll ever have to be back, but it’s great to know I found the one that offers some valuable information if this should come up for me another time.

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