Remember that night We I Mitch you forgot that most important of rules, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”? You wouldn’t, of course… but the results would certainly do their best to impart reminders into your skull the next day. As does this rolling hangover, which is a study of styling memes shaken, blended and stirred to their steamy upchucked conclusion.
Think that’s just blatant hyperbole? ‘Tis true that aftermarket mods have long been the argument fodder of subjective tastes, but hear me out and consider:
- Wouldn’t it look better (?) as an all-yellow car with the airbrushed decal pattern theme carried on and applied cohesively throughout?
- Does the PBC (Pep Boys Chrome) suit the car, much less bear any thematic relation to its modded state? Note they came later, as they cover up the sticker-paint.
- Is there a planet where horsebuggy-inspired black fabric (yes, fabric) top hats go well with techno-yellow and sticker ribbon appliqués?
- Would it look better if the Amish Hearse window theme was applied to the rear quarters, a-la panel wagon? Does the tiny, over-matched chrome rivet strip fool anybody into thinking this is a “convertible” (maybe it would with a PBC landau bar)?
- What purpose does the oversize retractable fabric roof serve: amusing cover for a standard sunroof, or band-aid for a sawzall mistake? Does the wind deflector live there to serve its intended function when the roof is open, or is it actually to keep the roof from being sheared off?
Despite these puzzling aesthetics, the most distressing thing about this car is the fact that someone, somewhere, expended the effort to develop a sticker package specifically for that ground effects kit, but with such poor sizing and fitment as to make the sum seem like an afterthought. Marvin the Martian agrees: a quick Krylon fill was never more necessary.
You want to know something funny? I sincerely have a hard time making fun of a car like this, as I find them more frustrating than pure folly. Any one of the displayed themes would have been an acceptable statement – perhaps even a unique, polished, and respectable one – if the builder simply chose one favorite flavor, mastered and refined it, and knew when to stop. But this unholy mishmash of Mennonite-Techno-Pimp is just too much to stomach, and so we are left to shake our heads with bemusement whilst steering well clear of the loud, obnoxious aftermath.
So what did we learn today? Measured amounts of alcohol may indeed be the ticket to recuperation after a hard day of wrenching and brainstorming peeling stickers off backers and attacking felt with a glue-gun, but there are always certain rules to follow and respect. So the next time one of your buddies starts threatening a garage bender, take away his case of Pabst and send him straight for the Everclear.