Review: 2014 Seat Ibiza FR 140; Poetry in Auto Emoción?

DSC_5556 Appearing at Millbrook where I spent a day at, Was this little red hatchback manufactured by SEAT, This motoring journalist lark that I play at, Was an excuse to take it for a spin. From it’s antecedent some thirty years back, The Ibiza’s evolved to a meal from a snack. Let us check its development, is it on the right track? Take the jump, there are more words within. DSC_5549 The Ibiza’s design is all ridges and hollows, From a corporate language it seems nobody borrows, Is it etched on our minds for all our tomorrows? It’s handsome enough, but who knows? This ones the FR, which is SEATish for Sporty, With a 1.4 Turbo that’s impressively rorty, The horsepower count is one hundred and forty. Let’s get inside; see how she goes. 20140522_112601 The dashboard itself has been nicely thought through The dials crisp and clear like a fresh-cut tattoo, This is the kind of thing that Germans do, Seems they’ve been doing it in Spain for a while. One feature on board that I truly found charming, Was the Satellite Nav which was branded by Garmin, Its additional tach and temp gauge were disarming, And their presence was making me smile. DSC_5554 The rest of the cabin was well hewn and solid, With levels of space that were not at all squalid, Though for six foot five me sitting out back would be torrid. If wanted to travel at all far. As the overhead cumulonimbuses boiled, The alpine course road surface looked freshly oiled, Would my road test experience end up being spoiled? Well, that would come down to the car. DSC_5551 There were snatches of wheelspin, but not to excess, Not that you’d ever guess anything less, Traction is adequate, launch is seldom a mess, Pretty soon you can be on your way. Sixty is reached in just under eight seconds, You can keep pressing on because one-thirty beckons. This is plenty for everyday driving, I reckons, And it ought to keep boredom at bay. 20140522_112742 With the blacktop now greasy the grip was still plenty, The car followed my lines; going off would have meant me handing the car back all broken and denty, But it all turned out drama-free. I could push it quite hard, so could anyone, It’s responses are sharp, you can start having fun, I thought, “This is great”, but when all said and done, It still didn’t quite do it for me. DSC_5552 It’s the same old story, I’ve said it before, When a car is like this you know just what’s in store, Doing everything right seems a bit of a bore; You just wish it would show some more flair. It doesn’t define itself; doesn’t show its own spirit, Doesn’t shout “I’m a SEAT!” But then how on Earth could it?, It’s a VAG brand, but just which one of them is it? They all seem the same to compare. DSC_5555 This is sound business logic so I’m not criticising, The recipe sells well so why risk compromising? With the current Ibiza we are watching the rising Of a car that appeals to so many. More youthful than Skoda, less grey than a VeeDub, Way cheaper than Audi, and here comes the rub, That’s something that people will boast down the pub. And they’ll think that it’s worth every penny. (Disclosure: SEAT UK, after I’d explained exactly who Hooniverse were, handed over the keys during one of the greatest thunderstorms Bedfordshire had ever seen. Cheers!) (Images copyright Chris Haining and Hooniverse 2014)

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