Not Classic Captions Contest: Jaguar F-Pace Edition

For years now we have had the Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest. The rules are simple: we provide a classic stock photo or an advertisement of a vehicle and you, the readers, provide your best caption for it. Everyone has a good time and the winner gets nothing but our deepest respects. Simple and fun, right?
On last week’s NEWS piece, the astute outback_ute pointed out that Jaguar has an interesting promo photo, which can be seen above. And he is right. That is one the most interesting such photos that I’ve seen in a while. Chances are that we would run it in the captions contest twenty or thirty years from now. But why wait? Have at it!


  1. Off topic:
    I just wanted to post that the dogs are wrong breed. (Chihuahua is missing).
    But then I realized that the lady holds something that looks like a blackfaced chihuahua. So yes, it will be a classic when both of them are pensioners.

  2. “Just one more step…” grinned Cal. “One more step until she steps into land mine of fresh brown and this idiotic ‘family picture’ she keeps insisting on for the Christmas card is over.”

  3. Sure, you’ve got the clothes, the purebred dogs, the Jag… but you’re still in New Jersey.

  4. I don’t have a caption, but I’m curious why the two look dressed for completely separate occasions.

    1. It took me a while, and I was trying to find something snarky to say about it when it dawned on me, which I guess helped.
      It’s meant to show the F-Pace as an all-round Luxury-Sport-Utility car that’s classy but also has a sweatpants & trainers side. Except it really comes across as “Dear John, I’m shagging the dog walker. Yours, Camilla.”

  5. Stirling Matheson, @SZMatheson on twitter:
    “They’ve chosen which dogs they get in the divorce, but they’re clearly going to court over the FIRST EVER JAGUAR F-PACE that brings together sporty handling and dramatic beauty with everyday practicality and efficiency to create the ultimate luxury performance SUV.”

  6. The new Jaguar F-pace, sports car performance, European luxury, and lots of room for the bitches.

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