Last Call: Music To My Ears Edition

Musicians
I love musician jokes. You know, ones like why do drummers always stand outside your front door? Because they never know when to come in. Or, what do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm? A tattoo.
The poor musician’s car is almost a joke in itself, usually an old van, or since those aren’t so common any more, a clapped-out hatchback filled to the gills with equipment. If you see one on the road, pass it with caution as you know the driver doesn’t have comprehensive insurance.
Last Call indicates the end of Hooniverse’s broadcast day. It’s meant to be an open forum for anyone and anything. Thread jacking is not only accepted, it’s encouraged. 

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  1. This weekend is the last hurrah for my HPDE group at Texas World. It’s getting torn down for a subdivision or something. I replied to the coordinator’s email about attending the instructor’s party after the track goes cold Saturday. The kid and I will be there for the lunch festivities but can stay later if persuaded.
    His email back- “bring a pillow and a helmet. I have 67 instructors lined up already. Just come out and drive.”
    So do I take the Focus or Mustang?

    1. I think you should Focus on the Mustang.
      (So low hanging fruit, I’d obviously need a helmet, too. If the track’ll be crowded, O’d take the nimbler Focus.)

    2. Mustang. Let the pony run wild. WOT!
      But still, damn. There’s a lot of empty land nearby put the track will be killed……

  2. When I’d audition for a band, I’d make sure to leave my van at home!
    Q: What’s the difference between a large pizza and a bassist?
    A: The pizza can feed a family of three.

    1. Q what do you call a drummer with no girlfriend ?
      A Homeless
      Q why do bands prefer drum machines over human drummers ?
      A with the machine you only have to punch the information in once

      1. Q: How can you tell that the stage is level?
        A: The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

  3. “If you see one on the road, pass it with caution as you know the driver doesn’t have comprehensive insurance.”
    I think you meant it to be liability insurance. Comp coverage is for occurrences to the policyholder’s vehicle, primarily when it is parked–vandalism, theft, hail, felled tree, and things like that.

  4. How do trumpet players greet each other?
    Hi, I’m better than you.
    What’s the range of a tuba?
    Depends on your arm.
    It bike to work wee. Friday is Bike to work day. Everyone, please watch for cyclists. Especially as the weather gets nicer.
    I was out for 170 miles last week and will do over 200 this week on the bike.

    1. A banjo will achieve perfect pitch when it lands on the accordion.
      The difference between an accordion player and a savings bond is the savings bond will mature and earn money.

      1. At a music festival, Béla Fleck (PhD in banjo) & Decker Forrest (PhD in bagpipe) were together on stage. Fleck joked that they were the only two people in the world to get their doctorates in instruments that nobody couldn’t tell were in tune.

        1. At my Ph.D. graduation ceremony I ended up standing in line next to a guy who was getting his doctorate in drums (true, despite the jokes in these comments). We had about twenty minutes of standing around in which to discuss our respective dissertations and, I believe, each came away convinced that there were some fascinating but questionable fields of study out there.

  5. So I’m out on the freeway tonight and I notice a 64 Galaxie on the side of the road up ahead. I get a little closer and see that it looks like it is up on a tow dolly but don’t see any town vehicle. Get a bit closer and I can see the tow dolly fender and it’s light flashing but still no tow vehicle. Get almost along side of it and I see the tow vehicle a Mazda 3.
    Do what I went to do and go to head home. I see the police lights up around where it was stopped and sure enough the cop was sitting behind that Galaxie. He was looking at the Mazda, looking at the Galaxie and I guess pondering giving the guy a ticket.

    1. How could you ticket him? I’d just give him an escort home, cheering the whole way.

      1. Well I’m pretty sure that the 3 if it has an official tow rating is no where near the weight of the Galaxie and tow dolly. So I’m sure there would be a way to give him a ticket for overweight.

    1. My dad’s favorite joke:
      “Did you hear about the band bus that went off a cliff? It killed 15 musicians and a drummer.”
      (He’s been a drummer since his teenage years.)

  6. How do you get a drummer off of your front porch? Pay for the pizza and he’ll leave…

  7. “Mom, I wanna be a musician when I grow up.” “Son, you can’t do both.”

  8. Our band, Dirt Rockets have been looking for an inexpensive touring van for several months now. Perhaps I’ll make a post about it when we find one.

  9. Okay, since musicians, cars, and sayings related to them have come up…
    I’d imagine that a fair few people have seen the bumper stickers that read, “Drum machines have no soul”.
    A few years back, I saw one that made for a good riposte: “Drum machines don’t ask for creative control.”

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