Last Call: "Head" Light Edition

“Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn’t a lie. This car is a hundred percent death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.”
Last Call indicates the end of Hooniverse’s broadcast day.  It’s meant to be an open forum for anyone and anything. Thread jacking is not only accepted, it’s encouraged.
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  1. LEROOOY Avatar

    I was bored at work today and I was trying to brute-force my way into vehicle statistics to objectively decide what my next car should be…and then pad the numbers so a desirable car lands in the top spot. The objective winner is going to be a Toyota Sienna and everyone knows it.
    No such (free) database exists that I could find, but Edmunds will give you access to their entire API of stats to peruse, for anyone, for free. Too bad I don’t understand Javascript.
    Does anybody know if there’s a table out there that already exists? I wanted to see rankings of horsepower/seat, fuel economy/knee room, horsepower/wheelbase, seats/footprint, etc. Car magazines don’t give you any fun rankings anymore.

    1. BigRedCaveTroll Avatar

      That’s something I’d like to see too. Sounds like a business idea.

      1. LEROOOY Avatar

        It’s mine!
        Actually, it’s this guy’s:
        They’re very nice, but I’m more of the cheap DIY type.

        1. Sjalabais Avatar

          It’s a shame no one’s making a free version. There’s something that works a bit along your lines of thinking in German, but I guess it doesn’t help you…I’d be surprised if there was no US alternative though:

          Spits out a list of cars fitting your needs and comparing specs.

    2. lurker Avatar
      2017 option doesn’t seem to work, but other years do

  2. Batshitbox Avatar

    “A hundred percent death proof”?
    How ’bout a hundred proof death…

    1. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
      dead_elvis, inc.

      Only 80 proof, but 100% pure, uncut bullshit, as per the Crystal Head site:
      “the vodka is filtered seven times, of which three passes are through semi-precious crystals known as Herkimer diamonds.
      2. What are Herkimer diamonds?
      Herkimer diamonds are semi-precious quartz crystals. Beautiful examples of the planet’s crystalline deposits, these stones have no colored rutilations. The most significant deposit occurs in Herkimer County, New York. Smaller fields can be found in both Oaxaca, Mexico and in Afghanistan.
      New Age belief systems profess that quartz crystals emit positive energy and are known to have properties that promote human healing and wellbeing.”

      1. CraigSu Avatar

        I dunno, sounds legit to me. But they probably could have shortened it to something like: “It’ll either cure ya or kill ya.”

      2. Batshitbox Avatar

        There are Herkimer Diamonds on display at a pizza joint here in San Francisco. The owners are gem and crystal collectors, and have a display case in the shop.
        I didn’t know why they were called ‘Herkimer’, though. Thanks for that.
        I’ve heard they plump when you cook ’em.

        1. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
          dead_elvis, inc.

          “I’ve heard they plump when you cook ’em.”
          Yeah, but I bet you’d still break a tooth. (Actually, I have a feeling you’re making a reference that I’m missing completely.)

          1. Batshitbox Avatar

            It was a tag line from a hot dog advertisement in the ’80s. I’m at a loss to explain why I felt I needed to append it to that comment.

  3. Sjalabais Avatar

    My cars are everything but graced with eternal life. The summer tires I bought last fall were not particularly well-balanced (3 out of 4 actually, sic!). While the car was on the lift at the tire shop for rebalancing, I discovered a radiator leak. I want it to be a lose nut, but with my Honda-is-so-reliable-luck, we have ISIS hiding out in the hoses.

    1. JayP Avatar

      I discovered the radiator in the Vic was leaking from the clamped on, plastic end. Replacement was $109 from the Autozone down the street. Took about 2 hours to swap it out. The power steering cooler and the AC condenser cut my hands to shreds. But I got it on.

      1. Sjalabais Avatar

        Looks like it might be a similar issue here, yeah. Easisest way to get there is probably taking off the bumper. But I have to get the car through tech inspection soon anyway…I might just dump it at a shop.

  4. Gregg Collins Avatar
    Gregg Collins

    Skulls on a motor vehicle Always suck. It would be cheaper to just hold a sign.

    1. Tiller188 Avatar

      I was going to ask whether that includes the ones on the LeMons Black Metal V8olvo, but given that they’re vacuum-operated, I suppose it must. (*sigh*, I give up…I was trying to find a video or .gif of them in action, but no dice.)

      1. dead_elvis, inc. Avatar
        dead_elvis, inc.

        LeMons exemption from figurative suckage!

      2. Fuhrman16 Avatar

        The Saucy Minx’s write up on how to make them has a few videos of them in action.

  5. Rover 1 Avatar
    Rover 1

    Some people will do anything to get ahead.

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