Please allow this olelongrooffan to offer my apologies to both my fellow Hoons and my fellow contributors for my lack of posting here in the Hooniverse lately. A couple weeks ago I received a distress call from a friend (unfortunately without benefits) of nearly ten years. Kris had relocated from MickeyMouseLand to the the Land of Pretty People and Even Prettier Cars, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. She had accepted a stressful position as an Operations Manager and as she put it, “Can you come down and be my wife for a few weeks?”


And I agreed. You see, as the mother of five grown boys she has had a busy life and just needed someone to “do this and do that.” She had left the bulk of her furnishings with her son at her old condo in MickeyMouseLand, moving only two beds and two dressers to her new abode. Kris, whose brother owns the medical practice she is the manager of, had spent three months staying with he and his family in her own wing of their 15,000 square foot McMansion and about five weeks ago had leased a condo of her own.
As I mentioned, when she moved in she had minimal furnishings and with her working 70 hours a week implimenting a new software system at the office, she has had no time to get her personal home in order.
That is where this olelongrooffan comes in. As projects in the Birthplace of Speed have been rather limited, I accepted her offer and drove my ole Comanche down. Yeah, that’s it resting comfortably between an A6, a Range Rover, and an undetermined Mercedes in the parking lot outside Smoke’s favorite big box retailer. And, upon arrival my first day here, the first car this I noticed after exiting 95? A vintage RR Corniche convertible. Ivory over tan leather and of course, the top was down.

Now down here in Palm Beach Gardens, it seems every other car is a Range Rover, Mercedes, BMW or the like. The second day I was here, I spotted a Maybach out in the wild. Well, Kris’s 2003 Acura TL has seen better days thanks to her two youngest sons and while it drives wonderfully it needs some cosmetic attention. About $4,000 worth on a vehicle with a buck twenty on the clock and it’s KBB value is just under 7K.

Her brother, who can and does perform excellent cosmetic surgery, does not possess the cosmetic surgery skill set to get her TL back to its previous glory. As his clients tend to drive Jaguars, Mercedes, Range Rovers and Bentleys to their appointments at Kris’s office, her tattered TL in the parking lot sticks out like the proverbial black eye in that sea of botox and silicone.
As a result, he is pressuring Kris to let that quasi crumpled TL go to her youngest boy and step up to the Palm Beach Gardens status of motoring. Now Kris is perfectly happy with her Acura, in fact, the last three vehicles she has purchased were of that division of Honda origin.

Her brother is leaning towards a late model BMW 5 series as would be befitting an operations manager of an upscale cosmetic surgery clinic. This olelongrooffan? I want her to get this vintage Mercedes diesel.

Or maybe a vintage 911 like the one I spotted the other day at the local Publix Greenwise grocery store.
The week before last this olelongrooffan spent buying furniture, last week I spent it shopping for clothes (buy 20 return 15) and next week I am buying a car.
And here is the question. What car should Kris buy given the following parameters:
$30,000 budget…possibly 35K
Preferably a Certified Vehicle…means probably dealer sold
Foreign or Domestic is acceptable….she loves her Acura
Sedan or possibly an SUV….she is an outdoors woman and loves trucks but not SUVs
A killer two seater would also be fun…must be rare but readily serviced
Must not be nicer than her clients cars…
And while I am certain to get every concoction on earth from my fellow Hoons, this is a serious dilemma for me. 5 series are everywhere down here and, as a Hoon, this olelongrooffan wants my good friend Kris to get something Hoonworthy.
That’s it my fellow Hoons. What say you?