Hooniverse Asks- What's The Worst Thing Someone Has Done To Your Car?


It happens- you park somewhere, are gone for a while and upon your return you find that somebody has scraped their key across your beloved’s unprotected flank. Or maybe they’ve snapped off the antenna, or opened their door as though blowing the hatch on a crippled space shuttle, sending it swinging into the side of your car and leaving a scar that even the chicks won’t dig.
People can be thoughtless, senseless and downright malicious at times, and when we are forced to leave our cherished possessions in public places, we leave them at the mercy of whatever freak happens to park within their vicinity- and god help you if they think you parked too far to one side of your space and encroached upon theirs.

Some vandals are even more brazen and destructive. Have you ever come back to your car and found it resting on the ground instead of its killer rims? Maybe a first date that was going so well suddenly turned south when you discover that your battery is now starting somebody else’s ride, leaving you cursing your lack of an interior hood lock.
So, have you been the recipient of the stupidity, irresponsibility or outright maliciousness of some anonymous attacker? If so, did you find out who did it, and more importantly, did you deserve it?
Image sources: [BlackFive.net, AskMetafilter.com]

75 Comments

  1. Same car, same place, two separate incidents. 1977 Corvette. Someone popped off the front emblem. Got the windows soaped. I have no idea what they thought I did to deserve it. Never found out who did it.

  2. The award goes to my very own wife who left my 2001 Acura TL in our garage with a latte in the center console 7 or 8 years ago. When I came back 2 weeks later, the car's interior smelled like rotten milk! The cloyingly sweet disinfectant she subsequently used to mask the odor of death & decay just made the problem worse.

  3. Boston happened to my old Saturn. No joke, whole stupid city beat up that poor car.
    I once let a "friend" borrow my E30, once. He brought it back with the front spoiler marked up and slightly off kilter. He nearly missed a curb going around a turn and that was the last time I ever let anyone drive my car.

  4. Parked my two week old 325Ci at Newark Airport to pick up the wife. I was gone for ten minutes, which was nine minutes and thirty seconds longer than it took some asshat to punch the driver's door lock with a slap hammer. Few things suck as much as having a brand new car broken into.

  5. Left my first car (a Ford Courier) at a remote trailhead while hiking overnight. Trailrats hotwired it and beat the living tar out of it. Every body part dented, windshield broken, wiring hosed up. Fortunately, I was able to get it started to get home. I was shocked that the insurance company didn't total it, repair bill came to within $300 of book value.

    1. My brother lost a Beetle under similar circumstances. He lost his ignition key on a rafting trip and when he returned later with the spare, someone had beaten the holy hell out of the body, sliced a couple of tires and smashed most of the glass.
      I found out later he was getting a new(er) car and the VeeDub would have been mine. Not that a loud-ass Beetle with a ratty paint job and a carpeted platform for a back set would have helped my highschool reputation as being a bit strange…

    2. Parked our car for the first time outside our new house after a hard day of moving. Came out in the morning to see every window broken, wipers bent, mirrors smashed. Written off.
      Two cars later, some idiot keyed my virtually-new Mazda3 MPS.
      Only damage to my current car is thankfully self-inflicted.

  6. I've been lucky more or less. I basically am responsible for all of my car's untimely ends.
    The one that maws me the most is the first and only time I let my inlaws drive my P5. Came back with a big scuff down the side skirt, and a few of the clips that keep it on the body ripped off. They just walked in, handed me the keys, and didn't mention a word of what happened.
    Still haven't, 3 years later.

  7. I was using my personal Mercury Grand Marquis to run an errand for my boss at the time (A Lawyer!) down to the Federal Courthouse in Detroit. Well, I parked the car in a spot, went in, delivered the documents and returned to find my Mercury had been hit on the rear fender HARD. Nice big ding !
    Best part was that my boss REFUSED to cover the deductible (like $200), even with a police report stating what happened. No suprise that in the nine months I worked there, I became the highest senority person there (of a staff of about 8 people, not counting the 4-5 lawyers)

  8. I have nothing on anyone who has their car stolen or broken into. While not the worst, the most annoying is people flinging trash into the bed of my truck. Its like, seriously, what the fuck? Not a dump-truck, yo. Where did you learn to be a human? God, I HATE that with the fiery passion of one-thousand of your Earth Suns.

    1. I had the same problem when I had a truck. I'd be driving home from a concert (those were usually the worst) and hear something rattling around in the bed. Get home and look, and there's half a case of empty PBR cans. Jackasses. If you offer me a few I'll give you permission to dump your empties in my truck. However, it's a privilege you must pay for, not a right.

    2. I've never heard of such a thing. I guess here in Marlboro Country people respect trucks more than in other places. Maybe it's because most people drive trucks here, and just throw their shit into the back of their own truck and throw it away when they get home.

    3. Been there. Was on a date with my ex, leaving a sushi joint, and looked in the bed to find someone's McDonalds, along with 4 empty Red Stripe bottles.

      1. I was 20 and had busted my ass to buy an 86 Vette. First date with my girl friend I left the targa off, came back to find the car filled with garbage.

  9. While away in the service a horrible "Friend" thought it would be funny to use my Gremlin, which I thought was tucked safely away, as a snowmobile jump in the winter. From witness accounts, by the 3rd-4th try the skis had collapsed the front of the roof and windshield. The car ended up in the junkyard before I was able to retrieve it along with a bunch of childhood mementos. Dude went from preppy wonderboy to a drug addict in prison so there is some justice in the universe.

    1. Karma. Messing with a Gremlin is bad ju-ju. Mine was so ugly nobody bothered with it. I had the same ski-jump problem, but with a boat. I had built a small A class hydro and stored it at my parents cottage. It was flipped over and I had left the bow on a sawhorse so that air could circulate and keep the wood relatively dry. Well, we had a heavy snow that year and some, probably drunk, asshat decided to use that wedge shaped chunk of snow as a jump for his snowmobile. There was nothing left of the hydro except splinters. If my curse worked he has had haemorrhoids for 40 years.

  10. I've been pretty lucky. None of my cars have been broken into or stolen. The worst thing that's happened to me is a scratch.
    Now, this isn't your run-of-the-mill little knick from parking at the grocery store. Nope, this happened when I went to Virginia for a couple days for work. I parked in the parking garage at Detroit Metro at, what I thought, was a fantastic spot right near the elevators and with a wide open space next to it. Well, when I got back from my trip I walk up to find a big ass scratch all the way down the side of the truck where some ass hat had decided to squeeze between my truck and the pillar next to it rather than go around. The scratch was conspicuously at the same height as a large roller suitcase. I imagine it was a bitch with a small yappy dog talking on her cell phone and completely clueless about the world around her. I tried polishing out the scratch as best I could, but I could always see it there.
    I never park at the airport now. I call a cab, even when it would be cheaper. The indignities my car may be subjected to while I'm away just isn't worth it.

  11. Worst was when my wife retrieved something from her car. We both had '97 T-birds and I had programmed the remotes to work for each car; so when she unlocked hers, it unlocked mine. She then locked her car manually.
    Normally not a big problem… except that particular night of all nights, some neighborhood junkies broke in. They f'd up her door and trunk pretty good in the attempt, but didn't succeed. Not so with my (unlocked) car… the got in, stole everything in the truck, and destroyed the dash to get the stereo out. Took my CB too. The part the cheezed me off the most was the outright stupidiity of these clowns, breaking this to get to that, leaving this harness but cutting that one. Insurance settled for $800 in damages, and that's not counting the stolen goods which were not covered.
    The most bizarre thing was when I lived in an apartment complex, and had the '88 T-bird. My roommate came in to ask me why one of the taillights was hanging off. Lacking any clue what he was talking about, I went outside and sure enough, the left taillight lens was partially pulled out – it could have been stolen if someone wanted it. It was not cosmetically or irreparably broken, thankfully, but it was clearly removed with intentional force. Have no clue why or how someone would have done that, and nothing else happened again.

  12. I had a custom-painted truck in high school, think early 90s style – full size Chevy, lowered, exhaust etc. that I had spent every dime of my life savings on. Hey, I lived on the Illinois/Indiana border, that was cool in that place/time. Anyways, went on a date with a girl, came out of the movie theater to discover someone had tossed paint stripper all down the driver's side – thousands in damages. I suspected, and later confirmed, that it was the girl's ex-boyfriend who did it (his father owned a parking lot striping company, hence the industrial stripper). I didn't even like the girl, just was going with her to prom because we had the same friends and figured we'd go out once before to take some weirdness off prom night.
    A few years later, I found out that the stripper-throwing dude got in a bit of a pickle. A friend of his had gotten married right out of high school because he knocked up his girlfriend. When the kid was about 5, it came out that stripper-thrower boy was actually the father, and had been boning his friend's girlfriend/wife for years. Classy guy. And yes, I still have (and will eventually fulfill) revenge fantasies against the dude. The real loser, as always, is the kid.

  13. Had my old Grand Am broken into once at the apartment I was living in.
    Had my old Mustang broken into at a trailhead while I was working (land surveying).
    Lost everything of any value each time, including my Zippo lighter with my name engraved on it.

  14. When my '97 shiny black E320 was barely one month old, on a VERY hot August afternoon, a five-gallon bucket of white housepaint fell off the painter's pickup and did cartwheels at 35 mph a few car lengths in front of me. Traffic and curb limited my evasion opportunities, so I drove on into the paint. Once back home and in the driveway, I tackled removing the paint. Luckily, it was latex paint, and the August heat made for a plastic-like goo that came off easily with a Teflon-safe kitchen pot scrubber.
    A friend of mine who bought a WHITE E320 a couple years later from the same dealership got freshly-applied yellow-and-black road striping paint splattered on her car, drove straight to the dealership, and they promptly removed the paint while she relaxed in the lounge with a cup of coffee. No charge.

  15. Lived in a shady area off campus while I was in college, and break ins were pretty common in our parking lot. I never thought it would happen to me, and went nearly two years without it happening to me, since my '99 Mazda 626 (Rhonda, may she rest in peace) was not exactly appealing. Doesn't sound like a bad car, but I need you to trust me, it was beat to shit. Anyway, I came back from class one day to find it stolen and immediately called the cops. Who found it three blocks away. Apparently it wasn't appealing enough to keep.
    All the thieves took was my lacrosse bag (if you've ever played a sport that requires a lot of pads you know how bad that stuff can stink after a couple of seasons of sweat, playing in the rain, etc.), my cassette adapter and some random indie CDs (of Montreal, Why?, Walkmen) which I'm pretty sure the thieves wouldn't be interested in. They did, however, leave two Atari 2600s some controllers and about 75 games in the trunk. Oh, and a flashlight with their prints on it. With which the police were able to find them. Because, surprise, they had pretty extensive records.
    I think I won.

  16. Somebody stole the chrome Western Auto wheel covers I bought for my '81 Tercel. It's a flippin' TERCEL. Do you really think I'm better off than you are, Robin Hood?

  17. Got my 350Z track edition keyed. I was irate and just tried to find ways to trap the asshole that did it. a few week later I got it fixed, having given up on finding the culprit. Four days later it was keyed again. 🙁

  18. Don't remember the whole story, but while my car was still owned by my parents, they had it serviced at an independent European specialist shop less than a mile from our house. They did good work on our neighbors' W140 S-Class, and initially they did well with our W126 300 SD. But after we took it to them when the original transmission was acting funny, things started going downhill fast. Almost right after we got the car back, the 4-speed auto was shifting even rougher than before, and the poor thing puked soon after. Turns out the shop had installed an incorrectly adjusted replacement tranny, and the owner categorically refused to accept responsibility for the second transmission's demise. Moral of the story: If you're looking for a European independent garage in the northern San Gabriel Valley, you can do much, much better than G&M Automotive. Hell, just keep going west on Foothill and you'll pass two more German car shops in the space of about 15 minutes.
    I guess second on the list would be the time Dad took it to a Firestone(?) store up the street from his machine shop and they scratched a rather large swatch of chrome plating off the lip of one of the wheels and then had the gall to say it was like that when they got it. Happily, the store closed and was razed a couple years later, proving that there's at least a little karma wafting through the universe.

  19. The wife and a girlfriend were sitting on the hood of my Jeep one night drinking beer, chatting along until the friend dented it with her bony ass. I have worked to remove it but every so often I can still see the imprint of her butt.
    I need a new hood.

    1. I can't count the number of times I've sat on my hood, at 155-or-so pounds. Hell, my good friend has (as I've previously mentioned) launched himself over the hood, rolled over it, climbed onto it… I've been on the roof, too, but he's not allowed up there, because he weighs half again what I do. No real dents to speak of.
      You need an old Volvo.

  20. I feel like I've told both of these before so bare with me, but here goes:
    I'd say it's the Insight window getting smashed in for the GPS when the car/GPS combo were about 5 months old but the "other half" deserved it as far as I'm concerned. I told him repeatedly to remove it, he didn't so someone else did for him.
    I guess the worst thing that ever happened to a car of mine would be what my cousin and my ex did to my 78 Caprice Classic. I was underneath trying to find the oil leak and repair it and they asked me if they could paint the car with rattle cans. I said I really didn't care (I was 19 and broke, gimme a break) because it was hand painted (with a brush!) flat brown anyway, the fuzzies still in the roof where the previous owner had unceremoniously removed the vinyl top. I said dark blue or green was fine. I'd been under the car for over an hour, headphones in, tinkerin' away. At one point, I smell paint and see the green haze and I'm thinking, "cool, a green car" and continue to tinker away.
    About 30 min later I smell spray paint again so I look over. I now see a PINK haze around the car. I yank out my earphones, slide from under the car. Her rear end still flat brown, the doors are green and they're in the midst of spray painting the front end pink. They decided my car needed to be more colorful, to "match my personality" and "the store was out of green when we ran back."
    The cousin is still alive, only because she's a blood relative. The ex is the ex for mainly this reason. I drove that car around for another 10 months. It was renamed the Rastafarianmomombamobile in honor of its paint scheme. Assclowns.

  21. The worst thing that happened turned out to be a pretty good thing. My '68 Fiat Spider was broken into; whoever did it broke the drivers window to get in and cut all the ignition wires in a failed attempt to hot wire it. At the time the drivers seat was broken – I had a toolbox on end behind it to keep it upright. The rear window was cracked from dropping the top in cooler weather and one of the shocks had punched through the top mount, banging against the hood whenever you hit a bump. Insurance fixed it all, so I ended up with a better car after the attempted theft!

  22. Someone scrawled a large "FU" on the side of my Cherokee. Also, they scrawled a "FU2" on the side of my wife's car, a Grand Am. Fucking assholes. I hate Nebraska City….

  23. Wow, this is the Downer of all Downer threads. But, I am a better man for reading it.
    Moral of the story: whenever you feel the need to vandalize another person's car, take a deep breath and reconsider. It's a crime against carmanity, and there is no justification for it. Even if someone raped your butt, take it out on the man, not the man's car.
    And who knows, that random guy who parked two inches from your driver door may have been Engineerd (in a rush to get Murilee to the hospital before she gives birth to my son, Manifold Martin-Williams.)

  24. The previous owner's wife backed over a curb and gave me a 15.8 or -.9 gallon gas tank. One of them also put a pretty good dent in the rocker that, while hard to notice, is now surface-rusted, so I need to deal with that.
    In my possession, though, the worst I've received is a bent-to-hell side mirror adjustment arm, which would be fine if the mirror was still adjustable to a useful angle, it could be bent back with pliers, or the mirror could be replaced without removing the door panel, but none of these are the case. It's mainly an annoyance, albeit a large one.

  25. The worst thing anyone has done to my minivan is given me the keys to it, and a license to drive it. Poor old minivan does not deserve all the abuse at my teenage hands. My Porsche does not deserve to be driven in the snow or on dirt roads, either, but there's nothing I can do to it that's worse than what previous owners have surely done.

  26. I once had some low lift piece of shit leave a wad of chewed up gum mashed onto the door of my 69 Chevelle when I went to dinner one night, a huge lifted Dodge Ram was parked beside me but I have no idea who did it. I have also had a Pioneer deck stolen out of my truck but I consider the gum a bigger insult, I still get mad when I think about it

  27. The '73 Cougar got egged while it was sitting in a parking lot just off the street. I went straight to the carwash and washed it off but you could still find the splotch on the hood 10 years later, long after we parked it in the proverbial trees. (It's that discolored spot where the hood flattens out above the inboard right headlight.)
    With the T-bird, it was vaseline under the driver's door handle and a pile of grass clippings on the top. I had that one coming though… it was payback after helping pull a prank on a good friend of mine who happened to be my dorm floor's RA that year. (IIRC his then-girlfriend/now-wife and her friends coated the back of his door handle with vaseline, then a few of us on the floor taped old newspapers over his door like we'd done on our own a week earlier.)

  28. '99 Miata–the only car I've ever purchased new. I'd had it just a couple months when ruffians slashed the top open with a knife and looted it.

  29. When I was in the Army I had a buddy of mine drop me off at the airport in my '74 Bug, and when I came back the sonofabitch had blown the engine for me. They got me sloppy drunk before they told me. I'd even told him to keep an eye on the oil. That sucked. Nowadays I'm fully capable of building a new engine for it, but not then. Still learning to wrench.
    A year and a half ago some dick came careening out of a nearby bar, drunk, after losing a drinking contest to a girl. He sideswiped my formerly straight and undamaged '66 F100 on the driver's side, really fucking up the bed panel. Looks like hell. The cops finally came, got statements, hell everybody knew who did it. They then proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it. Half the people employed by the city are interrelated, and the hit and runner is part of that clan. Might have something to do with it, don't you think? Only consolation is that I hear that the sonofabitch's truck actually got damaged worse than mine, being an early '90's Chevy, and the driver's door won't open and it drives funny. Doesn't do me any good. Revenge is a dish best served cold, is all I can say.

  30. My current car? Someone built it.
    But probably the worst was back in high school. A guy (driving his dad's brand new Concorde) goes to park beside my Intrepid. He pulls up about six inches away from the back corner, and decides he's got more room, so he guns it. It resulted in a scratch on my bumper, and lots of cursing.

  31. Some @)(#$&!^&*!#$)(*%#)@*#&$@(#*&^!&$)#(%*)(#&$(&^!)__(^%)#(&#$ decided it would be pretty fun to ding the door on my perfect XJR and then just leave. If I had any idea who was responsible they'd be one, no, two nuts lighter.

  32. Wow, some of you guys had it tough. Maybe it's because I can't manage to keep a car for longer than 2 years before something goes wrong with it, but the worst things that have happened to my cars pale in comparison.
    -88 Honda Prelude. When I bought this car, it needed a new radiator. Took it to the garage, and they somehow managed to blow the head gasket while test-driving or test-hooning it. After some threats, they agreed to do the work, but I was still without a car for two weeks. When I finally got it back, I found out that they broke a lug clean off.
    -91 Buick Regal. Landscaping company truck towing a trailer full of soil and large rocks blows by me, probably going at least 95, on the highway. 15 seconds later, I see a rock the size of a watermelon bouncing down the road, flying at my windshield. I swerved, and the rock hit my right front wheel HARD. Bent the rim, fucked up the suspension, dented the bumper and entire fender. Took $600 to fix it all, and of course insurance was no help. Also, I never found out who the piece of shit driving recklessly with the trailer was.
    -91 Buick Regal. Back when I was in college and the car had 4 matching rims and clean, well-taken care of paint courtesy of Zaino ™, someone who apparently had a beef with me took it upon himself to key my entire trunk lid and left quarter panel. It looked as if someone stood there with a key for hours, methodically scratching until no unscratched square inch could be found.
    -91 Buick Regal. Yes, again. One fine day while driving down 10, some fool in an 06-08 Grand Prix, talking on his cellphone, rearends me as traffic abruptly slows. We were in the rightmost lane. He decides to turn onto the shoulder and gun it past traffic. I saw in my rearview that his plastic front bumper was cracked severely in several places. I pulled over when I got a chance and checked out my steel bumper. It looked no worse for the wear. Hope you enjoy your new split bumper, motherfucker. It mirrors the way you handle conflicts.

  33. Stupid freaking meth heads, too, I guess. I had a '95 Plymouth Voyager for my first car and the keys were perpetually getting locked inside. The local police never seemed to have any trouble getting it open, and usually rather quickly.
    Until, of course, the time that I didn't have time to wait around for them to show up. I broke the rear vent window. Easy as anything to swap out and $20 at any junkyard. Why can't thieves break cheap class instead of doing expensive sheet metal damage?

  34. Reset all the radio buttons after I lent it to them for the day. The "I filled it with premium" diversion lasted only so long. I still haven't fixed them either. It as been almost a year of hitting two or three buttons when I want to switch stations. It may fall into the practical joke catagory, but he just might find four donut spares on his ride one morning……

  35. My first car was totaled in the school parking lot, I was not in it. It was not moving. Girl parked next to me was used to a '63 Bug and was driving a full size Chevy camper van. $3,500 damage to a $1,300 car. On the plus side, she was hot, and there was a bed in the van…
    Second car was broken into repeatedly, first time was in broad daylight, went to grab my CDs but when they realized that they were all just burned copies they just broke them all over the interior of the car. Then, while it was sitting broken down with a burst radiator hose somebody broke out the rear quarter window and jacked the stereo (less faceplate) and speakers and in the process broke the shifter, cracked the windshield and destroyed the door panels. A couple weeks later, while it was parked in front of my parent's house, I had a suitcase with most of my clothes stolen out of it. Same car got dinged in a parking lot, had, thankfully unused, condoms strewn across it, was stolen by an ex-girlfriend (she became an ex because of it) and had the tires cut twice. Aside from the girlfriend I never found out who did any of it.
    Third car got torched. I did find out who did that. I'm invoking my fifth amendment rights.
    Current car has yet to be messed with by people. Apparently the birds around here have highly acidic crap though.

  36. One time back in 2006, My Mother and I went to the store only to find out that some jerk face, had keyed a very deep and long scrape along the trunk lid. Now this was a 1992 Buick Regal Custom. Noting to special to most people. I loved the thing. I was stark raving mad. I wanted to kill the Bastard who did it. Never found out who did it sadly. I was mad for the rest of the day too 🙁

  37. Had a 64 Chevy Bel-air…parked it in town off a main street…came back from a movie and someone had pissed through my quarter vent window all over my box of cassettes.
    Had an Austin Healey sprite…left it parked with the top down…came back and someone had filled the interior with trash.
    Had a Hilux…junkies broke the quarter vent window but didn't steal anything…twice.
    I have THE best revenge fantasies…..

  38. One time back in 2001 my father minivan was hit while it was parked it was a 1995 ford windstar the passenger door on the right side was damaged and the door could barely close how can somebody be this stupid and whoever did it left no note.

  39. My sisters crazy neighbor used to flatten my tires regularly and then my car mysteriously broke down afterward. I could never PROVE it was her but it all started happening after she threatened to hurt my car. I thought she was bluffing but apparently not… the psycho.
    Karma is a bitch though. She can bank on it.

  40. I lived in an apartment complex and parking required walking the length of two buildings to reach it. So the people who lived at the end of the 2nd building had to walk the length of EIGHT apartments and then some to reach the parking lot,. Parking in the spaces near the sidewalk was prime real estate and most cars parked in the same spots every night because they got home at the same time each day, so that was the best spot open at the time they got home.
    One Friday afternoon, my boss decided to close the office at lunch and let everyone have the afternoon off! I went home and parked in the best spot in the entire lot. My 2006 Mazda3 s 5-door was just three months old and I had washed it earlier that week and it was looking sharp! I slept late on Saturday and went out to go grocery shopping around noon. I was parked in the shade, so I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
    I parked far away from any other cars or buggies in the grocery store lot and went shopping. When I came back out, I realized that my driver's side door had been keyed all the way down to the metal. It wasn't just a line either, it was back and forth so it was more like five or six deep scratches and even more scratches that didn't go to the metal but bad enough that buffing wouldn't get them out,. The whole door had to be repainted and blended into the front fender and rear door. Thankfully, my brother in law has been a painter at the best Honda body shop in the Southeast for over 20 years. His work is amazing, and most pros can't spot his work without a Carfax report! He made it perfect again and I figured out which car usually parked in that spot. I moved out four months later and the Altima in that spot had to replace four slashed tires and a cracked windshield!

  41. I have always assumed these stories happened maybe one time to a person in a faraway land and the rest were just urban legends. My God man, I'm glad you survived that.

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