Hooniverse Asks: What's the Most Wasteful 4-Seater, and the Most Ludicrously Cramped 5-Seater?

2014-Audi-A8L-W12-12
Absolute truth in advertising is a subjective target, and one man’s cozy is another’s unbearably cramped. That is most evident in many of the back seats of the world’s cars, as no where else is the concept of “second thought” more clearly evident.
At one time your standard family sedan was a six passenger affair; three up front, and three in back. Of course way back then perches in cars were not always clearly defined by seat contouring nor belt number, making finding a place for your buns something of a conquest. Today it’s no longer a free-for-all and car makers are very clear about the number of passengers that their products can hold, and just exactly where they are supposed to hold them.
That has resulted both in cars that express the luxury of excess, featuring expanses of consoles where it’s plainly obvious another seat could be squeezed in, as well as five-seaters equally obviously designed with the two-dimensional beings from the planet Noass in mind. What we want to know today is which cars are the worst offenders in each category. What are the most wasteful 4-seaters, and the most objectionably cramped 5-seaters?
Image: zercustoms

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44 responses to “Hooniverse Asks: What's the Most Wasteful 4-Seater, and the Most Ludicrously Cramped 5-Seater?”

  1. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    I think the extended cab versions of a Ranger or S-10 with a front bench and the rear jump seats count as a 5 seater.
    http://images.gtcarlot.com/pictures/80052583.jpg

    1. smalleyxb122 Avatar
      smalleyxb122

      I was looking for a suitable image for precisely that. You win.

    2. Sjalabais Avatar
      Sjalabais

      Cupholders. Always cupholders.
      http://www.get-study.com/images/USA_2.gif

      1. P161911 Avatar
        P161911

        Completely useless 1/4″ deep ones at that. Now we know what the guy that did the glovebox door cupholders did later.
        http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s—WS7Q7y_–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/651926858749000619.jpg

        1. Sjalabais Avatar
          Sjalabais

          I have a clue what he was thinking of. Not sure his “holding concept” is valid anyway.
          https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/41/Patti_Page_1955.JPG/220px-Patti_Page_1955.JPG

          1. Cameron Vanderhorst Avatar
            Cameron Vanderhorst

            Hey, my RX-7 has those. It’s a nice place to eat lunch, actually. I’ve never tried putting breasts in them though. Good idea.

        2. Tiberiuswise Avatar

          A-Cup holders?

          1. Cameron Vanderhorst Avatar
            Cameron Vanderhorst

            They’d be really far apart and look kind of weird.

          2. Tiberiuswise Avatar

            Clearly we need to hold clinical trials. For science!

    3. Guest Avatar
      Guest

      Came here to post that about my sisters Toyota, except it has conventional style seats for the rear, making it even more cramped.

      The few times I’ve sat back there I think of it as a game: Human Origami, where leg A gets folded under knee B and there is no way in hell you are getting back out.

      1. Sjalabais Avatar
        Sjalabais

        Sounds like you’ve carved out a niche to live a life in the back of your sister’s Toyota. I sort of respect that.

        1. Guest Avatar
          Guest

          I thank you for your respect, although my niche isn’t long for this world, when you consider the rate at which that truck is rusting!

          1. Sjalabais Avatar
            Sjalabais

            The best breakouts happen through the floor.
            http://www.abc.net.au/news/image/6530892-3×2-700×467.jpg

  2. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
    PotbellyJoe★★★★★

    I hate this one mostly for the incongruity this has with its overall mission.
    http://static.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/images/Auto/izmo/367613/2015_chevrolet_volt_rearseat.jpg
    The Gen1 Chevy Volt. Sure it gets great mileage, but put a bench across the back so you can carry three kids, or two carpoolers. Then have a flip down armrest.
    I never could figure this one out.

    1. Kiefmo Avatar
      Kiefmo

      I thought on the first generation, the spot was necessitated by the t-shaped battery.
      Perhaps on the second generation, the battery is still present, but they put a seat on top of it, while there was nothing that could be done about the foot room. Definitely hits a new low for bitch seating.

      1. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
        PotbellyJoe★★★★★

        I remember there being reasons for it, but it’s so typical of GM. Rather than re-package the car and re-design it to accommodate in a way that typical sedans do…
        “Our supplier is making a battery in a shape that doesn’t allow 5 seats in the sedan.”
        “Oh, well let’s just work around it then.”
        Then it doesn’t sell too well and they go, “People just don’t want a hybrid.”
        In the 90s you could change the language for all of the compromises they made on hatchbacks with the conclusion then being, “People just don’t want a hatchback.”

        1. Kiefmo Avatar
          Kiefmo

          Wouldn’t a supplier be able to shape the battery however they requested, since it’s not one solid battery but a bunch of little ones all series’d and paralleled together? It’s was probably made that shape so the car could have usable battery capacity and a usable trunk, because how often do you carry three across in the back seat unless you hate your friends?

          1. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
            PotbellyJoe★★★★★

            I’m being facetious on the conversation obviously, but GM is still a company that is willing to half-ass a design if it means they only have to design around it rather than fix three part designs.
            I do three across almost every day. 3 kids.

          2. Kiefmo Avatar
            Kiefmo

            I’m completely with you on GM’s half-assedness, I was just too tired to recognize the joke. Second job doesn’t let me sleep enough.
            I have three kids, all in car seats/boosters, and occasionally stuff them into the backseat of the W126, but I think we’re in the minority. Most folks go SUV/minivan when #kids>2.

          3. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
            PotbellyJoe★★★★★

            Yeah, my wife has the minivan, but I don’t always drive it if we go places. Sometimes it’s nice to be a stick-shift hatchback that will get over 30 mpg.
            Although the new-ish Town&Country does amazingly well on the HWY for mpg. 1400 mile round trip to MI from NJ (so not flat thanks to PA) we got 26.5 mpg. I did a hypermile-esque attempt (No exterior changes, just very deliberate use of throttle and brakes) with it on an over night trip when I would annoy less drivers and was able to do 31 mpg loaded with family and luggage.

          4. pj134 Avatar
            pj134

            Not flat but at least we kept you awake.

          5. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
            PotbellyJoe★★★★★

            Yeah, and thanks for that. The only thing in Ohio that kept me awake was my radar detector.

  3. Sjalabais Avatar
    Sjalabais

    Not that wasteful, but I’ve always like the consistency of showing the middlefinger to traditional Volvo values that the C30 was: Four seats, symbolic luggage carrying ability. Helped research them for someone lately; these are popular, very reliable second hand cars.
    https://www.volvoclub.org.uk/press/graphics/c30_2011-3.jpg

    1. P161911 Avatar
      P161911

      Of course tanks have always been subject to picking up a few friendly external hitchhikers/supplemental armor.
      http://www.ibiblio.org/hyperwar/USMC/USMC-M-Okinawa/img/USMC-M-Okinawa-p92.jpg

  4. Sjalabais Avatar
    Sjalabais

    Cramped five seater? The SAAB 95 could seat seven. Somewhat:
    http://www.saabcentral.com/assets/img/features/other_models/v4_brochure/V4brochurepage10.jpg

  5. Cameron Vanderhorst Avatar
    Cameron Vanderhorst

    The BMW 6er has been a perennial favorite of mine as a hedonistic symbol of excess. It’s too big to be a two-door, but too small to be a four-door. It’s a giant middle finger to everyone not fortunate enough to own one. It’s perfect and I want one desperately.

    1. ptschett Avatar
      ptschett

      I can follow the too small to be a 4-door part, but can’t wrap my head around the idea of a car that’s too big to be a 2-door.

      1. CapitalistRoader Avatar
        CapitalistRoader

        It’s too big to be a two-door…

        Blasphemy:
        http://automotivemileposts.com/eldorado/images/1978/eldo1978coupebasilgreenfiremist.jpg

        1. ptschett Avatar
          ptschett

          I could see myself with one of these… I’d need a longer garage though.
          http://i60.tinypic.com/b3vhjb.jpg

          1. Sjalabais Avatar
            Sjalabais

            These are among the best metal/$-buys I can think of.

  6. david42 Avatar
    david42

    The Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham Talisman. Over 19 feet long, 12 mpg, and only four seats. Here’s the back seat.

    1. david42 Avatar
      david42

      Now let’s see if I can get the exterior to show up, too…

      1. Sjalabais Avatar
        Sjalabais

        Yet, it is beautiful in its wastefulness. There are also similarly endeared cars that are supposed to house just one standing dude in the rear.
        http://www.themoscowtimes.com/upload/iblock/789/zil.jpg

  7. pj134 Avatar
    pj134

    This might count as 4+2 people without legs but I’m going to go with 5. http://www.2040-cars.com/_content/cars/images/22/476922/004.jpg

  8. mdharrell Avatar

    I refuse to describe any aspect of the Mohs Ostentatienne Opera Sedan as “wasteful” but I will note that one consequence of its walk-in rear entrance is properly spacious seating for four:
    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7073/6931013942_4b22474dd6.jpg

    1. Vairship Avatar
      Vairship

      Finally you can separate the kids enough that they can’t annoy each other with the I’m-not-touching-you game…

    1. PotbellyJoe★★★★★ Avatar
      PotbellyJoe★★★★★

      You gotta put the transfer case somewhere…

    2. P161911 Avatar
      P161911

      Hummer was an expert in putting small spaces in a big package. Just look at the optional 3rd row seat with interior spare tire on the H2. Look at all the cargo space left.
      http://www.dealsunlimitedinc.com/sites/default/files/public/images/DSC06837_0.JPG

  9. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    http://a.abcnews.com/images/US/WNN_BANANA_CAR_130130_wg.jpg
    Ten feet tall, 4 inline seats, no weather protection, and 13 mpg.

  10. jim Avatar
    jim

    Lamborghini LM002
    http://imagizer.imageshack.us/a/img89/4749/19lm002.jpg
    Although if you wanted to carry more friends around, you could get the optional (?) extra seats in the bed :
    http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/4857/lamborghinilm0026.jpg
    And since i doubt there will ever be a “Hooniverse Asks: Which Pickup Have The Lowest Tailgate?”, i’m leaving this here :
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/76/Doors_open_LM002.jpg/1280px-Doors_open_LM002.jpg