Hooniverse Asks – What’s the Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Done With Your Car?

I once put my car on some poor lady’s front lawn. It was a ’66 Mustang with a 289 2BBL and I was goofing around when things literally got out of hand. I’d like to claim it was the stupid-slow worm and roller steering, but it was actually just stupid me. Amazingly, the engine kept running after the curb sheared off the pan and oil pickup, and I was able to shut it down before any more damage was done. I was out of a car for most of that summer while fixing all the damage, and that event stands to this day as the dumbest thing I’ve ever done with one of my cars.
The amber rectangular driving lights that I mutilated the grille opening in order to mount in that same car come in as second. Those lapses in judgment all occurred when I was a teenager, a period of time that I look back upon today not with affection but derision for my seemingly having been an idiot. It’s a good thing two-day old sushi wasn’t prevalent back then or I’d probably be dead now, and you’d be totally creeped out reading this.
Since then I’d like to think that I may have grown a brain and enough time has passed that the local cops no longer give me thin lipped scowls and slowly shake their heads when they see me. But what of you, have you ever had a lapse of judgment where your car was concerned? Have you ever made a questionable modification to it? A friend of my brother once had to make a long trip in his clapped out Mercury Capri. Thinking he could avoid bathroom breaks he drilled a hole in the floorpan through which he fed a half-inch hose attached to a funnel. He didn’t think that the underside of the car was a high-pressure area at speed, and the first time he attempted to use his impromptu urinal, it filled the tube, and then blew back all over him. Return to sender, address unknown.
Maybe you decided to take your car someplace that maybe you shouldn’t have ought to- A Z28 on black ice can give your sit-upon a permanent pucker. Or perhaps you lent your pride and joy to that neer do well brother in law- yeah, you know the one I’m talking about.
So what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with or to your car? Come on now, don’t be shy, we’re all friends here. Remember, we’re laughing with you. . . and at you.
Image source: [wasilaalaskaby300]

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  1. chrystlubitshi Avatar
    chrystlubitshi

    150+ mph on public road.
    — i've done a lot of stupid stuff in different cars… that was the worst.
    (the speedo said 172… for all i know, it could have been 130…. but it was way too fast and just stupid…)

    1. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

      I have to confess to that too. The Germans make some very naughty cars indeed.
      But I've grown up now.
      Mostly.

    2. Sidecar 57 Avatar
      Sidecar 57

      I see nothing wrong with this,good boy! Done the same myself from time to time.

  2. 2jmotorsports Avatar
    2jmotorsports

    I keep trading them in. Dumb dumb dumb.

  3. grantlinderman Avatar

    When I was 16, I was working on my 1989 K5 Blazer and was planning to replace the throttle body with a newer, better unit from Holley. So I had the new one in its box, on the ground next to the truck… and decided I needed to make a run to the local Advance Auto for some odds and ends…. and as I turned the wheel to get around my other truck (a $900 S10 W/T for better gas mileage purposes), I backed over the new throttle body. Backed. Straight. Over it. Took me weeks and hundreds of dollars to save up for that thing, and I effing backed over it.
    Never felt like a bigger idiot either before or since.

  4. dwegmull Avatar
    dwegmull

    Putting a brand new (less than a month old) Tesla Roadster in a ditch. It was a solo accident, I was just going too fast and exceeded my skill level. Trust me, you don't want to see my insurance premium after this stunt. Unlike Robert, I can't blame it on juvenile inexperience: it happened a year ago…

  5. Ryans92L Avatar
    Ryans92L

    I went to go pick up a set of wheels one time, then went to 3 point it in the dude's drive way to get out and there was a small dip and then a field. Got the Taurus high centered on it. I had to go get the dude (after he went back in his house) to push me out, I felt like a total Jackass.

    1. Maymar Avatar
      Maymar

      I did the same thing with my Intrepid on a public road, about a half-hour after getting my full license. In my defense, the ditch was completely filled with snow, making it look like a hard shoulder.

  6. Feds_II Avatar
    Feds_II

    I have two:
    When I first got my RX-7, the float bowl and/or fuel cutoff were not working properly. When you would park the car, the carb would fill up, and leak fuel all over the engine. Also, it would flood. The day I decided to fix it, I removed the plug leads and laid them against the body, then pulled the spark plugs, and spun the engine over by hand to de-flood it. After a couple of cranks, it occurred to me that I could use the starter to accomplish the same goal faster. Into the car, turn the key and WHOOSH!! Giant fireball out of the engine bay. It didn't occur to me that turning the key would pump a fuel and air mixture out of the engine, directly toward where the plug leads were laying (grounding) (sparking) against the body. My main wiring harness shows the scars of that fireball still.
    Second one was about a year later. We got a big snow storm, and I was out playing Colin Mcrae in my 323. I thought I could drift it through the school bus lane at an elementary school. Went in too hot, hit the curb, and bent all the suspension on the passenger side. Had to throw away the best commuter car I've ever owned.

  7. muthalovin Avatar

    I got stuck in some sand dunes in my F-150. No posi and lowered, it dug a 3 foot hole with the only spinning wheel. I had to call a buddy with a Ram 1500 quad cab to tug me out. It was more embarrassing than anything else, and the reason why I need to own a Raptor.

    1. LTDScott Avatar

      Don't want to read that. After work I'm taking my F150 out camping in the desert. Luckily mine is stock height and has a posi, but I am bringing a tow strap just in case.

      1. muthalovin Avatar

        You are set, then. Just don't slow down on a dune. I got distracted looking out, and slowed, then stopped. Then tried to go and dug a pretty decent hole.

  8. Alff Avatar
    Alff

    Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. In my youth, I was a selfish and reckless hoon…
    There was the time I ramped my new (to me) Rabbit, leading to the opportunity to learn how to replace rear spindles. Never did explain to my mechanically challenged father the real reason his gift to me was in pieces in the driveway when he got home from work.
    There was the time I attempted to go from South Central L.A. to North Hollywood in 20 minutes during early afternoon rush hour, culminating in a nasty accident that was my fault.
    While couch surfing behind my friend's Courier was clearly stupid, it was also great fun and ended well – laughter for everyone except the guy down the block who couldn't figure out how the lay-z-boy ended up on his front porch.
    I have also been foolish with a wrench. The worst was rushing to perform the break-in oil change after getting the engine in my Fox Mustang rebuilt. I failed to notice that the gasket did not come off with the oil filter, leading to a nasty surprise and a rebuilt top end 25 miles down the road.
    I have tried atone for these and other transgressions by selecting vehicles that feel fast but aren't and learning to have discipline both in the garage and behind the wheel. Lately, though, I've felt myself slipping. May the God of turbocharged all-wheel drive goodness have mercy on my soul.

    1. engineerd Avatar

      Say 10 Hail Murilees and you'll be absolved.

  9. OA5599 Avatar
    OA5599

    Costliest: A year ago, I was parking my Eldorado for storage. Engine still running, I got out and walked to the front to check clearance to be sure I could walk around the car after I pulled the door down.
    Although the shifter was pointing to P, the bushings were a little worn, and the car popped into reverse. I tried to jump in through the passenger door, but that side was locked, and the keys were still in the ignition. The car rolled back into the street, then the steering wheel cut to the right and the car began a series of reverse donuts, like the scene during the opening of "Cops". As if that weren't enough, the car had earlier been having trouble at idle, so I had adjusted it way up, and the car was moving at a pretty fast clip.

    1. OA5599 Avatar
      OA5599

      (continued)
      The car circled a few times without hitting anything, then the circles became more erratic, and a telephone pole bent the driver's door backwards. There were a number of houses around, positioned just a few feet behind the sidewalk, and I imagined the car could easily crash through a house occupied by a senior citizen on one side, or a 14-month-old baby on the other.
      I decided I needed to stop the car before something more dramatic happened. I tried to jump into the open door, but since it was on the outside circumference, it was traveling pretty fast. I was knocked to the ground and dragged by the car, with my head aimed right for the curb and telephone pole. I remember looking underneath the floor of the car while I was being dragged, and seeing stopped traffic on the other side of the street.

    2. OA5599 Avatar
      OA5599

      (continued)
      I was able to bring the car to a halt without harming anybody else or damaging property that didn't belong to me (other than the chunk that came out of the telephone pole). I was in the hospital for two and a half weeks, and in a wheelchair for 10 weeks due to a broken pelvis. Rehab was pretty painful, especially the first couple of weeks. My blue jeans were shredded, but they saved me from getting more than about 8 square inches of road rash.
      People always ask me if I would do it again. In similar circumstances, yes.

    3. OA5599 Avatar
      OA5599

      Out of pocket costs included a couple thousand bucks in insurance copays, deductibles, and noncovered costs, several weeks without a paycheck, and whatever it's going to cost to repair the car, which had liability coverage only.

  10. P161911 Avatar
    P161911

    A few that I can think of:
    Unintentionally looping my '77 Corvette in a gravel parking lot.
    Racing a guy on a public road in my '94 Corvette that ended in a wreck, I think he might have clipped me, but who knows, slammed it into the curb at speed.
    Got pulled over at a DUI check (stone cold sober) and didn't have my insurance card. While waiting on the side of the road with the car in neutral (5-speed 92 T-Bird S/C) I decide to get out and forgot to pull the e-brake. Car rolled part way under a gate and messed up the hood and fenders.

  11. OA5599 Avatar
    OA5599

    Stupidest: 3:30 a.m. riding shotgun with a buzzed friend in a car with no seatbelts. There was a newly-opened section of freeway and no traffic, so we decided to see how fast his car would go. We were past the numbers on the speedometer, but 6600+ RPM through a 3.91 rear pushing L-60-15 tires works out to a little over 140 MPH.

  12. jerjozwik Avatar
    jerjozwik

    my dad had a similar idea about the pee hole. only his ramcharger had the pee hole due to rust. he is so proud of the story when he was stuck in traffic and really had to wee. so at a stop light, zip, aim, relief.
    as far as car tom foolery… i think my dumbest thing was honestly trying to make a hyundai elantra into a reasonably well handling fun to drive car.

  13. BGW Avatar
    BGW

    "Oh, I'm sure the engine has cooled down enough to take off the radia…AHHHH! {Geyser of Hot Coolant} SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT! My hand! My hand!"

    1. jerjozwik Avatar
      jerjozwik

      almost did that… only as i was unbolting my hand grazed the side of the to engine tube. i calmly put down the ratchet and walked away.

    2. Ryans92L Avatar
      Ryans92L

      That is how you know it is full… DUH! But in all seriousness, my dad who is a mechanic checks cars like that all the time, then again he is probably drunk so who knows?

    3. Froggmann_ Avatar
      Froggmann_

      Just wait until you do that to a car with a blown head gasket. I did that once, we found the radiator cap 200 feet away. Luckily I don't scar from burns or else I would be even more hideous looking today.

  14. lilwillie Avatar

    Too many to list but some that come to mind right away.
    In the Dragon Wagon I keep taking the Police Chiefs daughter out for rides after he explained his distaste and distrust in me. Duh, of course I had other ideas. That Chief hounded on me until he was fired for a few felonies he commited.
    Wagon again. Car full of girls and beer. Took a down hill right hand turn above the ability of myself and the car. Left rear tire blew out and I did a 360 going downhill. Car was a mess inside and a bunch of pissed off screaming girls. Didn't get any action that night.
    Hog Blazer. Buried it up to the windows in mud. Then after getting pulled out went bar hopping with a bunch of people. Not very smart since I left a trail of mud to every hole we ended up at. Got lucky that night.
    High School, had the Gutless Cutlass's trunk full of Beer and ice during school. Water leaking out of the trunk as the ice melted during class and someone reported it as a gas leak. It took some explaining to keep the trunk closed and adults at bay. I doubt they believed me that it was just ice in a cooler that tipped over as I got the hell out of the lot with the car.
    Street racing in Madison was one of the upper dumb things done. Once I was finally pulled over in the '60 the first summer I had it out I stopped. The State Trooper gave me a butt chewing that I can still hear to this day. Then like a dumb ass I was driving home and a bunch of girls in a Ford Probe tried to pass me in a four lane going to two lane. I dropped the hammer and left them behind only to see a County cop hit the lights. Another but chewing. Neither time did I get a ticket but I figured twice in one night was a sign from above to stop the street racing for good.
    Recently…Running over a monumentally huge stump with the Trailvoy and crunching a running board is about the height of my stupid antics. Oh I do some light speed runs and play chase on back roads with the toys but never at the level of stupid I did in my teens and early 20's.

  15. Rust-MyEnemy Avatar

    The occasional deep-penetration speeding offence obviously stands out, but only when there is literally nobody about and I knew I could get away with it.
    Other than that, learning slide control in my old Rover (Sterling). The housing estate I live on has a periphery road that runs around it in a perfect arc, if you're clever and either on ice or in a ridiculously powerful car you can hold a drift most the way round. I became pretty adept when I learnt in the snow.
    The problem came when I became confident enough to show off. Heavy snow, perfect drift conditions, BUT:- An unfamiliar road. I was doing pretty well until I came across a deviation I didn't know exsisted. Wheel hit kerb at about 40, track-rod bent to 45deg, wheel pushed back to the back of the wheelwell.
    Two days later, and In exactly that condition, I drove the car 170 miles back to university. The steering and road manners were memorable enough to remind me to take far more care in the future.

    1. chrystlubitshi Avatar
      chrystlubitshi

      i was going to reply to your reply to me.. but it's not there…
      i did a bunch of dumb things in the T-bird that i was speaking of before… a lot of them were involving snow and a neighborhood that has a few Y shaped intersections (if you google map broad ripple, IN.. it's the area just east of kessler and college ave.)…
      never hit a hard curb.. they're all driveable in that area.. but i certainly ran up in the grass on a few different people's property… i was an idiot.

      1. FЯeeMan Avatar
        FЯeeMan

        ahhh… Broadripple. Lots of stupid stuff happens there.

        1. Smells_Homeless Avatar
          Smells_Homeless

          Amen. Even though I'm a bit out of the demographic these days, I'll likely be doing stupid stuff in the Ripple tonight.

          1. chrystlubitshi Avatar
            chrystlubitshi

            want a swimming buddy for the canal? (i'm out of the demographic too…..) but i'm sure we can call up mcafee and have a nice little race!

          2. Smells_Homeless Avatar
            Smells_Homeless

            More the merrier. I'm not sure what the plans are yet, except for one: I am NOT gonna freeze to death in that damn canal. It's a life goal I decided on a long time ago. If you see a fat guy drinking a coke (stupid antibiotics) at Chumley's stop by and say hi.

          3. chrystlubitshi Avatar
            chrystlubitshi

            man… freezing is about the last thing i'd worry about in that water… probably won't actually be going out tonight… supposed to spend time with wifey… but we'll have to connect some time soon!

        2. chrystlubitshi Avatar
          chrystlubitshi

          i have gotten "take home pitchers" from plump's last shot… and i've seen others do the same… so yeah… stupid stuff happens there often.

  16. RichardKopf Avatar
    RichardKopf

    Stupidest thing? Bought a Chrysler LHS. It rides nice, though.

  17. Froggmann_ Avatar
    Froggmann_

    Well the stupidest thing I've done in a car was drive on a tire with the cord showing. Now I have a pronounced slur when I get tired due to the nerves getting severed by the horn ring of my 63 Thunderbird. That was 15 years ago and I still miss that car.
    Most embarrassing thing I did in a vehicle is a lighter story. About 11 years ago my ex and I were visiting her folks in North Las Vegas. We were heading back from the strip when I accidentally went into the oncoming lane on a divided road. One thing you have to understand about Vegas, the roads are wider than they have to be and the pavement doesn't reflect light. That and the fact the street lights are stagged from one another makes for the illusion that only one side of the street exists. Ok enough with the justification of my actions and on to the story.
    So there I was in the oncoming lane of a divided road realizing "this is bad" so, figuring I'm in my Bronco I'll just drive over the median. So I did and promptly got high-centered on my front diff. Ok I should be able to just push off of this. Nope. Even though my front wheels were turned I couldn't get enough traction to get one of them to climb up the curb. So I flipped it into 4WD and kept pushing. The rear wheels dug in, the fronts tried to connect with anything and before I knew it I was high centered on both of my diffs. All 4 wheels just spinnin round and round.
    I tried in vain to find anything to put under the wheels but the homeless in the area had picked it pretty clean. So knowing I was defeated I called AAA. While waiting, an maintenance worker from the ambulance company across the street meandered over to ask what was going on. After explaining about what happened he told us it happens pretty often and added in if I had a lift kit on the bronco with bigger tires this wouldn't have happened. Well no shit Shurlock. About that time the tow driver arrived and asked what the hell I was thinking and I again explained the events that led me to being on top of a median and he just laughed. So he hooked up to my truck and tried pulling it off of the median, well that was the plan anyway. When he started winching the tow truck started to tractor towards the Bronco. after trying different angles he finally gave up and called in another truck in which both of them together finally pulled the bronco from it's perch.
    All in all we were there for an hour and 40 minutes. Sure I laugh now but for years I was embarrassed to tell the story.

    1. Black Steelies Avatar

      I've had that happen. Exposed belts all around and it still held air. I pulled off the highway to see why my car was shaking like a wet dog, and, well, I found it. i was thinking they were a little dry-rotted anyway.

  18. sudden1 Avatar
    sudden1

    So it was summer of '73 and I was a senior at King High in Tampa. I had just bumped the timing in my 13 second Corvair Corsa and pulled up to the stop sign at Sligh Ave, grabbed first gear, revved to 4000, dropped the clutch and proceeded down Sligh sideways. I banged the rest of the gears flat to the floor past Nuccio Park and turned onto Bass and stopped to admire my glowing exhaust.. A Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office Detective pulled up behind me and placed me under arrest. " I was going seventy-five and you were walking away from me. The speed limit is fifteen when children are present and you are going to jail." I told him that if if didn't arrest me I would never drive the car again and would sell it. He paused, and said that he had 180 days to take me into custody and would if he ever saw me drivng my Corvair again. It was sold and I stayed out of jail.

    1. Ryans92L Avatar
      Ryans92L

      I would have let a car like that lay low for a while, and then pull it out maybe 5 years later, but that is just me.

  19. tiberiusẅisë Avatar
    tiberiusẅisë

    I, like OA5599, ran myself over with my own car while I was driving,
    I seized the 3 speed in my CJ5. Cheapest solution was a wrecked CJ7 with a BW 5 speed. Also swapped in the wider axles. Got it running and figured it would be cool to drive up and down the driveway. Figured I'd hook up the brake lines later. Up went ok. Put it in neutral, ran around the front to stop it. Down was a little different. Forgot to put it in neutral. It was bad enough that the effing Heep pinned me between it's back bumper and my father's car (of course) with a now broken arm. Insult on top of injury, it was geared so low it wouldn't stall. Damned thing just kept chugging along, rear tires slipping on the oily wooden garage floor. Good thing I didn't have it in 4 wheel drive.
    Dad came running out, shut off the engine and told my mom to take me to the hospital.

    1. Foolish Avatar
      Foolish

      'cause he was laughing too hard to drive?

  20. LTDScott Avatar

    I'm going with about 10 other friends who have four 4WD trucks and plenty of supplies between them, I should be fine.

    1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

      PERFECT PLAN! Did you check for beer? You can never have enough of that.

      1. LTDScott Avatar

        Do I look like an amateur to you?!

        1. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

          Friends always check friends gear… ;P

      2. cap'n fast Avatar
        cap'n fast

        you know what? the truck with the beer NEVER GETS STUCK! it is an immutable law of the gods..always carry the beer…I flew over MOAB last month and observed all the claw marks on the ground made by the non-beer carrying pickup trucks. did you know that beer carrying pickup trucks hardly leave any tracks behind them??? Now I am given to understand that the brand of beer doesn't matter as long as it isn't 3.2 crap. but please save the driver helper for the end of the day.

  21. engineerd Avatar

    About a month after I had my license I was at a girlfriend's house with my brother and sister and a friend of my sister's. My girlfriend had a swimming pool. It was summer. She was hot. All was good.
    We ordered a pizza from Little Caesars and had to pick it up. So, we all pile into my mom's 1986 Mercury Sable and head up the street to get the pies. On the way back I was going a bit too fast and missed the turn into the girlfriend's subdivision. That wasn't going to stop me. I'd seen high speed turns plenty of times on the TV and thought, "Hey! I can do that too!"
    Well, that FWD car turned…a bit…right into the curb. I busted the bottom of one of the radiator side tanks and spilled a load of coolant all over some lady's lawn. We back the car off the curb and down the block to the girlfriend's house and went back to swimming and having fun.
    Now it's time to go home. I don't want to call my dad because he'll be pissed. So, in my adolescent genius, I decide to just drive the car 15 miles home. We stop at my sister's friend's house and drop her off and the car immediately stalls. I try to restart it and nothing. Crap.
    I called AAA and they tow it to a garage a few miles away and I call my dad. He's not happy. He just got home (a 2+ hour commute in infamous SoCal traffic) and didn't feel like driving another 7 or 8 miles to where we are. Meanwhile, the mechanic at the shop is telling me how lucky I am the aluminum heads aren't in full meltdown.
    I spent the rest of that summer as my dad's bitch to repay the repairs. I also learned a thing or two about vehicle dynamics, and the fact that coolant is kind of important.

  22. salguod Avatar
    salguod

    Wow, where do I start.
    I put 3" synthetic fur on the headliner of my 1976 Camaro.
    Trying to short across the starter on Dad's 1980 Citation when the neutral safety switch failed, I forgot to take it out of gear and it started and lurched down the driveway into the neighbor's yard before I stopped it.
    A little back and forth on a snowy road for fun buried the same Citation on a remote road in the deep snow all alone. Thankfully a Samaritan in a Suburban came along and pulled me out.
    Used Dad's 1977 Cutlass to push my Camaro into the side load garage while I was alone. I pushed it a bit, cocked the wheel & let it roll back, pushed some more, etc until it was almost in the garage. Then Dad came home & I was busted.
    Parked my 1980 Monza on a hill & forgot to set the brake. Watched it roll down a few yards into a VW. Left a note, but they never called.
    I know there is more, but that's what I can remember now.

    1. coupeZ600 Avatar
      coupeZ600

      You get a thousand+ Internets from me just for that first sentence. The rest is good, too.
      I'm a Truck-Driver, and there is truly nothing a Driver does that gives him/her the satisfaction of sitting around with a bunch of other Drivers and extolling all our Epic-Fail moments. You drive all day, every day, you're bound to make mistakes, and we all appreciate learning from the mishaps of others.

  23. tonyola Avatar
    tonyola

    This was back in my surveyor/soil mapper days. While it wasn't my own vehicle, I managed to get a company 4WD Suburban crosswise in a sandy ravine with all four wheels off the ground and supported only by the bumpers.Fortunately, I had shovels, pickaxes, and handyman jacks with me. It took a couple hours of digging to get myself out – I was NOT about to call the office to tell them how I got the truck stuck.

    1. Ryans92L Avatar
      Ryans92L

      I used to do work in the Civil Field and this is back about 2 years ago I went out to a job site to take existing lot photos and I found my boss with his '73 Carrera RS stuck on a small ditch on the side of a gravel road. Needless to say it is pretty embarrassing to have your Porsche pulled from a ditch by a Ford Taurus… I used to have pictures, but that phone got reset and their gone now…

  24. joshuman Avatar
    joshuman

    My childhood home had a dirt and gravel driveway that was a little longer than 18th of a mile. One day I decide to see how well the old Subaru does at 50 mph down it. I knew no other cars would be coming up so I went for it. Things were fine until we launched off a bump and landed in the grass at the edge. The car rotated 90 to the right. I corrected but did not counter in time and ended up rotating 180. So my friend and I are sideways, heading toward a bridge made from some felled trees that would have really not minded if we hit it or not. I managed to get us pointed generally in the right direction but we still ended up in the swamp. Luckily, the underbrush was thick enough to slow us and I only had a few more dents in the car to show for it. Another friend with his Jeep and winch pulled us out.
    Later that year, in the same car, I managed to get three flat tires at once while screwing around at a building site.
    Later, in the same car, the front brake caliper fell off because I had ignored the grinding noise that started when the pads wore out.
    I was such an idiot at 17.

  25. Black Steelies Avatar

    Yikes. Let me relive this garbage.
    Twas a dark/foggy and stormy night and I was driving the hearse with a friend. I was driving so carefully it's not even funny. I took it down perhaps the most god-awful road in town, twisty hill, muddy ruts and huge ditches. So we came to a complete stop at the bottom of the hill at the sign, no drama, from here on out it's all pavement. We decide to hit up another party probably 0.1 miles away. It was a sharp right so I pulled away and drove straight into one of those ditches. 3 wheels off the ground, over 4 clear feet under the frame. Turned it off and didn't even try to drive out. Towed it out and drove it home the next day. My friend still owes me pics of that.
    OK take two. I'm at a party in the woods. Took the hearse as usual, drove in and out fine. But on the way out to my car to leave I step in a muddy puddle in flip flops. Halfway down the road I turn on the cabin lights and lean to check my muddy foot. All of a sudden, going like 40 mind you, I crossed the road and slid the car into a ditch right on its side. Taillight knocked out that time. Oh and a friendly neighbor decided to bitch me out for ditching my car and called the cops who were all too happy to perform a field sobriety test. I still need to M80 that mailbox. Despite a beer earlier that night I passed and was given a ticket for improper lane changing… on a dirt road. Could have been seriously worse though. Car was towed out on the scene and had the taillight fixed. Cracked some fiberglass at the bottom of the rear quarter though.
    Take 3. Winter. Driving home from a New Year's party and the roads are slick as shit. No winter tires and given my previous experience in the curse-mobile I wasn't fucking around. Got to the end of my road just outside the center of town and thought, aw what the hell. Pulled a slick opposite lock drift, then the other way to make the other turn, and it was pretty legit until I over-corrected straight into ditch 3. I felt like Ralphie when he shot his eye out. I should have known I was capable of doing this shit again. I call the 24 hr guys and scrounge for cash in a panic. Husband/wife duo pull it out shaking their heads and I drive it the rest of the way home unscathed, basically down my driveway. And I never told my parents. I'd like to think I got it past them, but at the same time I bet they could figure it out.
    I mean three freakin' times!?!?! It's like the Mayhem guy from those damn Allstate ads is permanently riding shotty. I drive the barge like an old lady now and apologize profusely for my past mistakes. A kiss on the hood and I hope she forgives me.

  26. skitter Avatar
    skitter

    I put the good tires on the front and the worn tires in the back, "for traction in the snow".
    I learned about lift-off oversteer at 55mph.
    Full opposite lock helped me make the full 360.
    Then I hit second, went straight, and had a lightbulb moment.

  27. Smells_Homeless Avatar
    Smells_Homeless

    Oh god, I don't even know where to start. Before I'd even turned 18, I had JB Welded a wheel cylinder on a rusted backing plate, pulled an OJ low speed chase (I knew the cop wanted me, but he refused to turn on the lights hoping I'd do something dumb, so I just kept on goin' and made sure I pulled over as soon as he flashed) and knocked myself out on the center bar of a T-topped GPs roof while off-roading with no seat belts. That one was exciting.
    I could go on for hours, but I think I'll just stop there and hold on to some of the stories for later.

  28. JeepyJayhawk Avatar

    Well let's see… first dumb thing, not really dangerous just stupid, would be mounting neon lights, a roll bar, and KC Highlights in my work truck trim level 87 F-150. Ahh high school in Kansas, how retarded I was.
    Second would be not dumping my HS girlfriend to take another hot girl who wound up having no date to the prom, before you call me shallow, the relationship ended in a fireball of hate and tears. A lot of them mine.
    Finally, the most expensive stupid thing I have ever done was drive my new (to me) 88 F-150 into flood waters. I figured if the 4door colt in front of me could do it, a teenager in his big (again 2wd F-150) could do it. Yeah, the problem with flood waters are you can't see the roads underneath, so I drove into a 12 foot ditch. Tried to back out before the hood went under but realized I was properly stuck. Called for help and the tow truck driver tugged me out easily. He noted that if I had 4wd I would have been fine. No shit.
    Parked it on the side of the road to arrange safe travel home without running a now waterlogged engine. The tow truck driver fired it up in my absence and popped the tops on two pistons. Totaled through insurance, bought back, and rebuilt, mostly by me… I at least had a paid off, very clean under carriage, pickup. Never again will I drive into flood waters unless life or limb depends on it. Not even sure if I want to try a shallow water crossing in the Jeep.

  29. OA5599 Avatar
    OA5599

    The picture shows the overlay for a 1987 GLHS. In '86, the sticker was calibrated differently to read to 135, so perhaps you went even faster than you thought.

    1. LTDScott Avatar

      The entire powertrain, suspension, and instrument cluster were donated from a wrecked '87 GLHS.

      1. OA5599 Avatar
        OA5599

        The 86 and 87 GLHS mechanicals and electronics were pretty identical, but the stickers differed.
        I've driven a GLHS through the traps at a triple-digit speed according to the timeslip, but forgot to look at the speedometer to see what it indicated on the run.

  30. CaptainZeroCool Avatar

    Traveling to work one morning on a freshly paved county road. There was a set of slightly elevated train tracks and that is where the new pavement stopped. I ,not knowing that, was doing 5 over…. 13 year old, front drive cars do not like to be jumped. One busted CV joint and a messed up ball joint.

  31. CJinSD Avatar
    CJinSD

    I remember the speedometer wrap on the mighty Omnirizon! The one I drove was just a hand me down automatic, but one time going down Afton Mountain with 4 people on board I got the speedometer past pointing straight down. It felt like a land speed record attempt.

  32. ptschett Avatar
    ptschett

    I'll separate it out by car…
    '73 Cougar (my high school car):
    -one Saturday my dad sent me to town to get some 4' long steel pieces for a project of his, so I went and got them and put them in the trunk. After lunch I was going to bring them to the shop. Well, I forgot about the bars, took the curves in between home and the farm at my normal speed, and banged the bars into the inside of the quarter panels.
    -On another Saturday I was taking the same home-to-farm trip. There was a muddy patch on the county gravel road in the last 1/2 mile before the farm. When I hit the patch the car fishtailed, and one of our neighbors happened to be coming the other way in his 3/4 ton Ram. Somehow we managed it that the right-front prong of my bumper caught his left-rear hubcap, so I only owed him a hubcap and a wheel, and my car only got a baseball-sized dent in the bumper. I never appreciated the mid-'70's 5 MPH bumpers like I did on that day.
    It seems like the moral of the story of that car's life was, "don't drive it to the farm on Saturdays."
    '96 T-bird:
    -Did some damage to the transmission from getting too aggressive with rocking it out of a snowbank. Afterward, when it was warm you had to rev it up to 3000 RPM to get reverse to engage. It lasted like that for 40,000 miles though.
    -Pretending it was a rally car. One time I jumped it over a railroad track embankment, for example. Also, during my first year in Gwinner, two of my buddies had car breakdowns at the same time (one needed a belt for his Grand Am, and the other needed a water pump for his Cherokee.) So we loaded up in my car to head to Lisbon, normally a 15-mile/15 minute trip on ND-32. However there was construction that year, so we took the back roads. I was plowing along at 45 on muddy minimum-maintenance township roads imagining I was Colin McRae. Finally we got to where we could get back onto the highway after the construction, and the car had this awful vibration… it had turned out I'd splashed mud into the fan and it had stuck to the blades, and also I'd filled the hollow front crossmember too. I pulled the fan relay and we made it to town, and I went to the carwash while my buddies walked the block further to NAPA. I was pulling baked bits of mud out of the crossmember for the next year's worth of oil changes, and I think there's still some in there.
    -2 years ago when I worked out of my company's office instead of at a customer site, I went through an intersection every day in the morning where there were two left turn lanes to go my direction, onto a street with 2 lanes that quickly merge into one. One day I found myself in the inner left turn lane (the proper one to take for through traffic) next to an asshat in a late-model BMW 3-series. I went fast, they went fast, but they only had a front fender on me at the merge. Falling in behind a 15 year old Ford must have been a rage-fu moment over there, but it didn't bother me.
    -The Dakota:
    -The year I got it, I decided I was invincible. I don't think I even had the license plates on before I got stuck on an unplowed township road (the same site as the T-bird rallying, actually) and had to go beg a neighboring farmer for a pull out with a tractor. Now I limit my winter trips to county roads and better unless I know the area very well.
    -About 4 years ago my subdivision where I lived was insanely icy, thanks to the street crew apparently having taken the week off between Christmas and New Year's while a foot of snow fell. I was pulling out of my driveway to turn right and I spun around and kissed my left side against the left side of a parked car (which really was in a stoopid place, but since I was moving it was my fault…)
    -The Challenger:
    Wanting a 4-5 shift, I accidentally made a 4-3 once. No harm done (I wasn't wound out very high in 4th), but just surprising when I eased out of the clutch and the RPM's went up instead of down. Learned me my lesson.
    -Farm vehicles:
    -Since the winter of '96-'97 was so bad, my dad let me drive one of the 4×4 pickups instead of the Cougar. I was 16 and full of hormones and stupidity, so the night I learned that the girl I wanted to date was seeing someone else I found myself going 85 MPH on black ice in a truck without seatbelts.
    -I didn't manage a corner out of a narrow approach perfectly while driving the semi pulling a 43' grain trailer, and managed to hit one of the trailer landing gear to the ground, killing the semi's drive traction. It took some work with jacks and blocks to get everything level again so I could get out of there.

  33. ChuckyShamrok Avatar
    ChuckyShamrok

    Lets see
    Mattress Racing with my friends little sister(Sounds Awesome, doesn't it?)Where you tie a mattress to a car and drive around, she was riding, I was driving. Did the same except I was riding and my friend was driving
    Stood in a milk crate holding onto the pillar of my friend's Saab 900. cop stopped us, asked what the hell was wrong with us and preceded to breathalyze everyone in the car, than sniffed everything possible still looking for alcohol.
    Got a 92 Lumina to cock a wheel driving way too fast around a S shaped turn on a street near my house
    Got my friend's Sabbaru stranded in a snow field. He was telling me it would go, I was insisting it wouldn't. it was his car, so I finally relented to him. And got stuck. Made him dig it out with his bare hands.
    And lastly We tried to install speakers and a CD player in my friends Saab 900. neither worked out well

  34. OA5599 Avatar
    OA5599

    In my quest for Hoonibbles to finally deem me "awesome", I am always pleased when I get double-digit hoon points for a posting. Today is no exception.
    I am, however, becoming a little self-conscious that I am high scorer in a "dumbest thing" contest. I'm not wanting anyone to stop awarding me points, but I did want you to know that I just thumbed up every response to this topic in hopes that would make it seem less like I was running up the score.

    1. skitter Avatar
      skitter

      When I go falling skiing, I get the high speed wobbles, stick the landing at the end of the debris field with my face, and the whole lift applauds.
      I've always considered it an honor.

  35. chrystlubitshi Avatar
    chrystlubitshi

    OH! not sure how i forgot about this one… probably because of a shaken brain— 1000 W RMS amp… 2 kicker comp VRs (facing in to the cabin) of an eagle summit couple (with the back seats folded down) in a slot-ported box…………
    WHAT? (was probably what i said more than anything else…)
    i was waiting for something to fall off of the vehicle… nothing ever did… (and it also gave me my SN)

  36. CptSevere Avatar

    I've done plenty of stupid things, but putting my Mom's brand new '78 Monte Carlo in the ditch has got to be the worst. I was showing off after high school, hauling ass down a dirt road fishtailing back and forth, and let it get away from me. Bam, right in the ditch, ass end of the car in the air. The cop who showed up stated that I was in enough trouble already, he wasn't going to add to my misery. Had to pay for the tow, and a new grille and headlight. Yeah, Mom was pissed, to say the least. I drove that car like a grandma after that.

  37. Joe Btfsplk Avatar
    Joe Btfsplk

    I was doing an oil change and grease job on my Land Cruiser, front wheels on ramps and rear supported with a floor jack and jack stands. All was going well until I tried to grease the U-joints. To turn the drive-shaft, I had to put the transfer case in neutral.
    Everything was done, so I pulled the jack stands and quickly dropped the jack. The Land Cruiser promptly ran down the ramps and down the driveway toward my antique wooden Chris Craft. I managed to lift the parking brake lever just in time to avoid splintering the boat.

  38. ZomBee Racer Avatar

    Don't. Even. Ask.
    I've had everything from a runaway Gremlin at WOT to an LTD wagon flying through the air with 9 buddies and a keg in the back. If only there were ribbons and medals for bad judgment…
    Actually, I'll share a couple that belonged to Uncle Sam… jumping a late 80's Dodge Ram onto the runways at NAS Miramar, in full view of F-14s waiting to take off. Call on the radio… "36 – Tower, you totally got air".
    I later sunk the same truck up to my window in a ditch full of muddy silt, while showing the city kids how to drive in mud without getting stuck. Luckily I knew guys in the shop with the search and rescue Suburban, and they helped us out without narking.

  39. SSurfer321 Avatar
    SSurfer321

    Drove drunk.
    Fortunately I lived to tell the tale.

  40. bzr Avatar

    Crashed my dad's Xterra in 4WD Hi in the snow because I was going to fast on the way to school and fell for the "I'm in a 4WD SUV, I AM THEREFORE INVINCIBLE" frame of mind. Went right into a highway bridge. Frame got bent, softball-sized dent in it, and it was totaled.

  41. coupeZ600 Avatar
    coupeZ600

    From inside a restaurant, I watched a dump-truck that I knew had a dubious parking-brake roll down a hill right into one of the busiest streets in Santa Fe, NM. My first instinct as I bolted from the restaurant was that my Truck was being stolen, but when I saw there was nobody in it, I knew it was a "Runaway" It was absolutely the most nauseatingly helpless moment in my life, that this truck I was paid to control was completely on its own. It went behind a tree that was right on the corner, and the sickening sound of crunching metal and shattering glass,….. I was sure I just killed someone.
    Miraculously, the truck hit only an Ingersoll-Rand Welder/Compessor/Generator trailer that was unfortunately being pulled by a young kid that had a bench-warrant out for "Failure To Appear"
    The trailer was a complete loss, and I only needed to use the winch-bar to pry the bumper out of the front tire, but it wast watching that kid get hauled away in the Cop car, for my F*ck-Up, that added the injury to the insult

  42. rovingardener Avatar
    rovingardener

    Backed into a post in my carport. Grand Caravan. Enormous blind spot, but I'd lived here for a year and a half.

  43. buzzboy7 Avatar
    buzzboy7

    Lets see…
    First day with my Comet I took it into an old parking lot thinking I could do my first real doughnut. In 1st going about 5 I gave it a little Scandinavian Flick, cranked the wheel and punched it. 47 years of suspension wear all kicked in at once. I think my front quarter panel actually scraped the ground and out the driver side window I only saw sky. Two years later the car still has a funky tilt to it that I can't quite figure out.
    Building an engine for my VW I was being cheap and decided to reuse old pushrod tubes. Starting up the engine I didn't notice anything wrong. After break in it was a "bit" low on oil but nothing seemed out of place. 10 miles later the oil pressure idiot light came on. Towed the car home, installed new PRTs and kept driving the car. These things like to sneak up on you 2 miles down a dirt road where you get no cell signal and where it's too bumpy to use a tow bar. Popped the engine case…crank main journals looked like 50grit. That was fun…
    Only pain so far(thank god) was adjusting the timing on the comet. The fan is quite close to the dizzy. Somehow it didn't hurt, the fan made it to the bone and almost cut the tendon. Never again will I be that careless with the engine running. http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/769/p6240964.j

  44. FuzzyPlushroom Avatar
    FuzzyPlushroom

    All the properly stupid things I've done were with my 244. I've done some mild off-roading, had it on two wheels at 35 or so, and been within a second of being arrested for an incident involving a scarecrow, but the dumbest thing was probably being a designated driver for a couple friends who'd been smoking marijuana. I know that's not a stupid thing to do, but that's not how the law saw it. Karmically, though, it probably worked out.

  45. VolvoNut Avatar
    VolvoNut

    This one time, I leased a Chrysler Pacifica.

  46. corvette poncho Avatar
    corvette poncho

    We did the same thing in my 87 GLHS. We managed to get the needle back to 5MPH. Once we let off, it seemed like forever before the tach moved from it's peg pointing straight down! Long live TDs…I do miss them once in a while!

  47. slr5000 Avatar
    slr5000

    Not my car, but my cousin bought my parents 1992 Holden Commodore which had the optional V8. Having collected the car, he drove it to some salt flats a few k's away from my uncles farm. Entering the flats with the intention of discovering the mighty 8's top speed, he soon discovered that the salt flats where merely a thing crust of salt, covering thick clayish mud. The commo sunk up to it's axles. Cousin called my uncle, but the Land Cruiser that he sent got stuck as well. Finally, a tractor with a precariously long tow cable saved the day.

  48. jjd241 Avatar

    Wow, this must be one of the most commented on postings in a while! Here are a few of mine:
    During college in the 80's, I had a 76 Datsun PU. From town in Port Angeles WA it is a 10 or 15 mile drive up to Hurricane Ridge. So you are at a few thousand feet, going down to sea level. I was kind of low on gas, so I figured I would coast as much as possible on the way down. I came to a dip in the road, and wanted to keep up enough speed to make it over the rise. SOOO…I opened the door and hopped out (while still rolling), holding the wheel with my right hand and the door with my left, planning to use my existing momentum and push it up the rise. Well, I was still going a little faster than I thought. My feet went out from under me and I am dragging my legs and looking down at the pavement. Still holding on with both hands, I tried to regain my footing. No go, still dragging. I did manage to pull myself back in and regain control. Needless to say, I did not care if I ran out of gas, and ran it normally all the way back into town.
    Just a few years ago, I was playing rally driver up in the woods near home (Olympia WA). I was in an 83 Dodge Ramcharger 2WD and took a corner too fast. Off the road on the downhill side of the road, the truck was sitting almost perfectly on it's side, supported by some trees (the slope went at least a 100 feet further). Still strapped in, I sit for a second to take stock of the situation. One tree was pressing against the windshield, and was making that slowly cracking sound they use in movies when the thin ice is about to give way. Since this tree seemed to be one of the main ones holding me up, I decide its time to get out. I open the drivers door (the one facing straight down the slope). Every loose item in the truck, including a tool box and speakers etc goes tumbling down the ravine. Close the door. Now, it's time to climb up and out the other window (straight up mind you). It took two recovery trucks to get me out. There was not a scratch on the rig, not even a broken light. The windshield was the only casualty (even the pillars were perfect). It was a long walk home that night.
    I also did an endover in a '68 VW bus, when it was righted, all the doors opened and all the glass was intact. Pushed up the dented roof from the inside and thrased it for a few more years before it caught on fire while a friend was moving it across town for me. He did not have a license, so he just ran away before anyone showed up.
    I guess that's enough for now, but believe me there is more!

  49. JunkedByDarnells Avatar
    JunkedByDarnells

    Gosh, so many… once I tried putting a Ford Pinto 2.3 into a Glas 1700GT. Epic failure and a broken Glas in the end, but I got $50 from the junkyard from it. Another, f***ing up the hydraulics in a Citroen DS by using Dexron instead of green fluid. Probably the worst was putting a Cologne V6 out of an Aerostar and a Sonett III transmission with the freewheel bypassed in a Saab 96 that was originally a stroker. What a nose-heavy, awful-to-drive PIG it was.

  50. cap'n fast Avatar
    cap'n fast

    Just plain ignorant of me but the day before I had a heart attack-really, clogged LAD, one stent-I got Aurora PD speeding ticket for 138mph on the I225 onramp. It was 330am and I stupidly tried to explain how I was only merging with traffic. paid the fine and got rid of the mustang. now using up a stealthy Jetta TDI as quickly as possible.

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