Hooniverse Asks: Is there an automotive record you think you could break?

Jeff Glucker

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There are all sorts of records in the automotive space. Speed records, track records, endurance records, and much more. Some are quite unbeatable. It’s highly unlikely you’ll set a land-speed record. You’re probably not going to break any track records. But maybe there are some records that you could achieve if you gave it a proper shot.

Okay, so using a still from the Ken Carter/Kenny Powers Rocket Car jump probably wasn’t a good idea. But, really it’s always a good idea. It’s just not indicative of any sort of record, nor one you’d want to attempt to break would it happen to exist.

But back to records of the more probable variety. What current automotive record are you aware of that sounds… possible? There has to be something out there within the grasp of the “every person”. Share your thoughts below.

About

Jeff Glucker

Jeff Glucker

Jeff Glucker is the co-founder and Executive Editor of Hooniverse.com. He’s often seen getting passed as he hustles a 1991 Mitsubishi Montero up the 405 Freeway. IG: @HooniverseJeff

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15 responses to “Hooniverse Asks: Is there an automotive record you think you could break?”

  1. 0A5599 Avatar
    0A5599

    Some of the land speed record holders fit multiple classes in the same car, and hold multiple records, such as one with racing gas and another with E15, or one with a stock as-delivered body and another with tape over the body seams for slight aerodynamic improvements.

    I bet I could invent a class, and then become the record holder in something like Malaise-era full size powered by a three cylinder engine running on biodiesel with the left blinker on.

    Reply
    1. Lokki Avatar
      Lokki

      “ Malaise-era full size powered by a three cylinder engine running on biodiesel?”

      Amazingly, the perfect car for your proposed record attempt already exists*: It’s a four door sedan, was made in the 1980’s, and best of all is a turbocharged Alfa Romeo.

      https://www.carfolio.com/specifications/models/car/?car=126962

      Seriously, what more could you ask for?

      So clearly the automotive gods are smiling on your proposal, and I wish to both sign up for your newsletter and join your team for the attempt.

      * You do face the problem of finding one which hasn’t rusted into oblivion, as these cars were famous for doing, and you also have the Herculean task of getting the Italian-electricials turn signal to work.

      Reply
    2. Lokki Avatar
      Lokki

      “ Malaise-era full size powered by a three cylinder engine running on biodiesel?”

      Amazingly, the perfect car for your proposed record attempt already exists*: It’s a four door sedan, was made in the 1980’s, and best of all is a turbocharged Alfa Romeo.

      https://www.carfolio.com/specifications/models/car/?car=126962

      Seriously, what more could you ask for?

      So clearly the automotive gods are smiling on your proposal, and I wish to both sign up for your newsletter and join your team for the attempt.

      * You do face the problem of finding one which hasn’t rusted into oblivion, as these cars were famous for doing, and you also have the Herculean task of getting the Italian-electricials turn signal to work.

      Reply
    3. Lokki Avatar
      Lokki

      “ Malaise-era full size powered by a three cylinder engine running on biodiesel?”

      Amazingly, the perfect car for your proposed record attempt already exists*: It’s a four door sedan, was made in the 1980’s, and best of all is a turbocharged Alfa Romeo.

      https://www.carfolio.com/specifications/models/car/?car=126962

      Seriously, what more could you ask for?

      So clearly the automotive gods are smiling on your proposal, and I wish to both sign up for your newsletter and join your team for the attempt.

      * You do face the problem of finding one which hasn’t rusted into oblivion, as these cars were famous for doing, and you also have the Herculean task of getting the Italian-electricials turn signal to work.

      Reply
    4. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      Ah, the French “it’s our ball and we’re making up new rules” Le Mans Index of thermal efficiency approach.

      Reply
    5. theskitter Avatar
      theskitter

      Then, step 3: Profit.

      Reply
    6. Lokki Avatar
      Lokki

      “ Malaise-era full size powered by a three cylinder engine running on biodiesel?”

      Amazingly, the perfect car for your proposed record attempt already exists*: It’s a four door sedan, was made in the 1980’s, and best of all is a turbocharged Alfa Romeo.

      https://www.carfolio.com/specifications/models/car/?car=126962

      Seriously, what more could you ask for?

      So clearly the automotive gods are smiling on your proposal, and I wish to both sign up for your newsletter and join your team for the attempt.

      * You do face the problem of finding one which hasn’t rusted into oblivion, as these cars were famous for doing, and you also have the Herculean task of getting the Italian-electricials turn signal to work.

      Reply
      1. Sjalabais Avatar
        Sjalabais

        Maybe a conversion to forced-induction automatic blinker fluid refilling combabbletatars from a British roadster might help? Anyway, quite an amazing suggestion.

        Reply
    7. crank_case Avatar
      crank_case

      Ah, the French “it’s our ball and we’re making up new rules” Le Mans Index of thermal efficiency approach.

      Reply
    8. Troggy Avatar
      Troggy

      I see the left blinker thing becoming a contentious issue between EV manufactures achieving their best Nurburgring results. Headline soon to come:
      MUSK CLAIMS TAYCAN NURBURGRING TIME INVALID: LEFT INDICATOR WAS NOT ON THE WHOLE TIME.

      Reply
  2. Professor BanancyHot Avatar
    Professor BanancyHot

    I think it would have to be something destruction-based, rather than skill-based, which may or may not result in my own grisly demise.

    A while back I asked all of you if anyone has ever crashed a car so hard that a cylinder head came off; as far as I know this record is up for grabs.

    Reply
  3. discontinuuity Avatar
    discontinuuity

    I’ve always wanted to set a steam-powered vehicle record since I found out that most of them were set over 100 years ago. As long as it’s NOT the record for “largest boiler explosion.”

    Reply
  4. Troggy Avatar
    Troggy

    I feel that I could be in contention for a few oddly specific records if I took the time to think about it hard enough.

    For now I will be satisfied by currently holding (in my own mind at least) the record for Longest Lane Splitting Distance Travelled By An Arachnophobic Motorcyclist While Staring At The Huntsman Spider Clinging To The Inside Of His/Her Visor Before Accidentally Inhaling And Swallowing Said Spider On It’s Bid For Freedom. (about 100m, measurable by the brown stain along Gympie Road near the Beams Road intersection.) The following attempt to expectorate the spider was not measurable due to it 1. failing to bring the spider back up, and 2. bringing up lots of other things, but said things ended up on the inside of my helmet and not… anywhere else as I would have preferred.

    Google Huntsman Spider if you’re not Australian. Go on – I dare you.

    Gave me a stomachache for the rest of the day.

    The best records are the type that can not be easily replicated. I feel that I may hold on to this one for a while, but should I ever lose it, I would be somewhat mollified to learn that another has endured similar torment.

    Reply
  5. Troggy Avatar
    Troggy

    I feel that I could be in contention for a few oddly specific records if I took the time to think about it hard enough.

    For now I will be satisfied by currently holding (in my own mind at least) the record for Longest Lane Splitting Distance Travelled By An Arachnophobic Motorcyclist While Staring At The Huntsman Spider Clinging To The Inside Of His/Her Visor Before Accidentally Inhaling And Swallowing Said Spider On It’s Bid For Freedom. (about 100m, measurable by the brown stain along Gympie Road near the Beams Road intersection.) The following attempt to expectorate the spider was not measurable due to it 1. failing to bring the spider back up, and 2. bringing up lots of other things, but said things ended up on the inside of my helmet and not… anywhere else as I would have preferred.

    Google Huntsman Spider if you’re not Australian. Go on – I dare you.

    Gave me a stomachache for the rest of the day.

    The best records are the type that can not be easily replicated. I feel that I may hold on to this one for a while, but should I ever lose it, I would be somewhat mollified to learn that another has endured similar torment.

    Reply
  6. Seanomatopoeia Avatar
    Seanomatopoeia

    Automotive records, you say? Around here we make em, not break em.

    Reply