Last night, I was browsing the Internet for random Montero parts. My usual routine is to start with a general Google search, move to eBay and Craigslist, then give Amazon a quick check… just in case. There’s usually nothing specific to my vehicle on Amazon, at least nothing I’m that I need. But then I get bored and start looking up random crap. And that’s what you’re going to be treated to right now because it’s Friday!
Today we’re looking at hood ornaments. Shitty ones, to be a bit more specific. First up is a metal skeleton hand that’s ready to let the world know just how you feel about everyone around you.
For around $32, you can affix this supernatural “Fuck You” to the nose of your car or truck. No, it’s not available via Prime so you’ll have to be patient. But if you can stand the wait, then skeletal digital delights are yours to be had.
There’s also a middle-finger hood ornament that’s a normal hand. But that one lacks a certain … spooktacular charm that remains fully in effect on this delightful piece.
Next up we have one for those you of looking to grab the bull by the horns… assuming you’re into chromed-out horns. You are into chrome horns right?
This set of shiny bull head stabbers is designed to fit on an older pickup truck. And it’s nowhere near as cool as when an old Cadillac throws on real bull horns. This ornament, which you can see here, is like a lame version of semi-truck cosplay for pickups. If you’re going to throw some horns, slap on some real (or real-looking) ones.
I do not have a problem with this one because it’s shaped like a Ram. In fact, the (real) Ram hood ornament is a great piece brought back when Lee Iacocca helped revitalize Dodge’s ailing truck business. My problem with this Ram ornament is the light-up feature of the eyes. Someone will buy this and expect their truck to look “properly bad ass, bro!” but the end result is going to be lacking. I guarantee it.
One of the LED eyes is probably half falling out already. The brightness isn’t going to be great. And the Ram here will look like one you can find at the cheap city zoo. You know the one. The animals are always “tired” or “napping”. And not just “malnourished” and “depressed”.
This is a devil. And he’s so bad that he’s … thumbing his nose at you? I can picture him saying something to the effect of “Huzzah! Lame-o! I have just tricketh you!” This is the same version of the devil that appeared in a great Will Ferrell SNL Skit:
Buy what you like, even if we poke fun…
So there you go. We have a smattering of questionable choices courtesy of my late-night Amazon browsing. If you decide you’ve got to have one, well more power to you. May your adorned ride rule the land at your next local Cars and Coffee.