Here are four ridiculous hood ornaments I found on Amazon

Last night, I was browsing the Internet for random Montero parts. My usual routine is to start with a general Google search, move to eBay and Craigslist, then give Amazon a quick check… just in case. There’s usually nothing specific to my vehicle on Amazon, at least nothing I’m that I need. But then I get bored and start looking up random crap. And that’s what you’re going to be treated to right now because it’s Friday!

Today we’re looking at hood ornaments. Shitty ones, to be a bit more specific. First up is a metal skeleton hand that’s ready to let the world know just how you feel about everyone around you.

The Ornaments

For around $32, you can affix this supernatural “Fuck You” to the nose of your car or truck. No, it’s not available via Prime so you’ll have to be patient. But if you can stand the wait, then skeletal digital delights are yours to be had.

There’s also a middle-finger hood ornament that’s a normal hand. But that one lacks a certain … spooktacular charm that remains fully in effect on this delightful piece.

Check it out for yourself, and let every day be a not-so-happy Halloween during your daily commute.

Next up we have one for those you of looking to grab the bull by the horns… assuming you’re into chromed-out horns. You are into chrome horns right?

This set of shiny bull head stabbers is designed to fit on an older pickup truck. And it’s nowhere near as cool as when an old Cadillac throws on real bull horns. This ornament, which you can see here, is like a lame version of semi-truck cosplay for pickups. If you’re going to throw some horns, slap on some real (or real-looking) ones.

I do not have a problem with this one because it’s shaped like a Ram. In fact, the (real) Ram hood ornament is a great piece brought back when Lee Iacocca helped revitalize Dodge’s ailing truck business. My problem with this Ram ornament is the light-up feature of the eyes. Someone will buy this and expect their truck to look “properly bad ass, bro!” but the end result is going to be lacking. I guarantee it.

One of the LED eyes is probably half falling out already. The brightness isn’t going to be great. And the Ram here will look like one you can find at the cheap city zoo. You know the one. The animals are always “tired” or “napping”. And not just “malnourished” and “depressed”.

That’s what this Ram hood ornament is.

This is a devil. And he’s so bad that he’s … thumbing his nose at you? I can picture him saying something to the effect of “Huzzah! Lame-o! I have just tricketh you!” This is the same version of the devil that appeared in a great Will Ferrell SNL Skit:

And this evil dude can adorn your kool ride for about 40 bucks.

Buy what you like, even if we poke fun…

So there you go. We have a smattering of questionable choices courtesy of my late-night Amazon browsing. If you decide you’ve got to have one, well more power to you. May your adorned ride rule the land at your next local Cars and Coffee.

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11 responses to “Here are four ridiculous hood ornaments I found on Amazon”

  1. GTXcellent Avatar

    Plate of Shrimp man.
    Just last night the classic ‘Convoy’ was on and I was commenting to the MiSSus how cool the Rubber Duck hood ornament was. (She merely rolled her eyes, said how stupid and corny this movie is/was, and went back to reading something intellectual.)

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      I saw that one and purposely left it off the list

    2. onrails Avatar

      Started with “Convoy” (the song, not the movie…) in the garage a few years ago and the C.W. McCall youtube rabbit hole yielded this gem:

  2. I_Borgward Avatar

    I have a collection of figures from old trophies for my hood ornaments. I fabricated a Universal Quick-Change Trophy Mount System™ on my 244 so I can swap them out when the mood strikes. Flo the Pool Shark has been clearing the way for me for several months now.

    1. Jeff Glucker Avatar
      Jeff Glucker

      that’s amazing

    2. Batshitbox Avatar


    3. Maymar Avatar

      I’m just here for that paint job.

  3. SlowJoeCrow Avatar

    I’m glad Amazon is filling the hole left by JC Whitney’s departure.

    Personally I’m in the market for a Cthulhu trailer hitch cover with light up eyes

    1. salguod Avatar

      JCWhitney still exists, but, sadly, a search of their website reveals no hood ornaments. Not the JCWhitney I used to know.

      Several years ago I visited their warehouse store in Peru IL and it was exactly what I expected.

  4. nanoop Avatar

    I saw an Audi étron (<-my autocorrect came up with this, but I will leave it… behind?) with illuminated rings. I don't have any problems with this feature on a lowered, third hand A6 where it would add to the overall style concept, but this is just cheap bling on a 3t pile of… ask the French speakers.
    /rant on money won't buy you taste.

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