Happy New Year, Hoons! By now, most regular readers have shaken off the hangover from the bizarre Hooniversal Car of the Year results and are ready to move on to a fresh calendar (possibly the Hooniverse calendar). Naturally, there must be no better way to ring in 2014 than with the purchase of one of the most incredible crapcans ever built. The builders/owners/four-time race winners of the Honda CBR-powered Geo Metro known as the “Geo Metro Gnome” have listed it for sale on the 24 Hours of LeMons Forums.

[Source: 24 Hours of LeMons Forum]

Read a bit more after the jump.

“What’s it like to pilot one of the most effective machines in the History on LeMons?  A car so magnificent that some of the greatest LeMons minds have sought to capture it’s essence in their imitations.  The Gnome denies all but it’s master it’s essence and here is your chance to become that person and move forward with a plan for total DOMINATION of this the sport of kings.

Imagine.  The sun drops low as it presides over a perfect race wherein your cut-like-a-diamond sequential dog box is busting 12 grand upshifts as your highly tuned, aero equipped, race car slices through a pack of lesser competitors.  Popping mad downshifts you sail past the velvet ropes that demarcate the braking zones reserved for LeMons royalty.  Just the crackle of your exhaust sends Fox bodied fools back to the Broke Dick corral for more pulleys and flows while BMW E3x drivers who dare entertain the concept to keeping up are left slack jawed as you rip turn one of T-Hill with nary a lift, the Gnome’s air hungry ITB’s held agape by their demanding master’s right foot as the tires become one with the pave’.  That’s right, WFO is a lifestyle and this car is your ticket to the executive washroom.  Come up on traffic at closing speeds so shocking, that other racers surrender en mass, fingers probing the air in a point-by motion that really says ‘be gentle’.  Bulging eyes usually reserved for those in mental health facilities are clearly visible through your visor as you wipe off would be hangers-on by shooting nearly invisible gaps in traffic; maneuvers that lay waste to Issac Newton’s best work.  Clear track, the tach winds up and the engine reports with an exhaust note so sharp and shrill  that corner workers are rendered sightless, unable to say if an errant pass under yellow might or might not have occurred.  Advantage: Geo.  Feel the rush of success as rounding the last turn of many turns, the radio crackles with the familiar words: ‘You! Just! Took! The CHECKER!’.

[…]

1990 Geo Metro with a Honda CBR1000RR motorcycle engine in passenger seat area driving rear wheel via chain.  Dynos out to 140hp at the wheels.  Weighs about 1800lbs at the green flag. 4 wheel independent suspension.  4 wheel disk brakes.  12 gallon fuel cell that’s good for two hours at race pace. 4 tires last 2 full race weekends.  Very effective aero package.  Car is currently running and has a motor/trans that’s never been raced.

What is a car like this worth?  $500 of course.  But then there is a discussion about all the rest.  Spares. Safety. Wheels Tires. Brakes. Build cost?  Who can say.  Let’s start at $4500 all in. If you really really really think your are the person to become part of the Gnome legacy email Alex at vendler.dp@gmail.com and we’ll talk about it.  I will provide a buyer some tech support to make sure they get to enjoy the car properly.”

But that’s all elementary. If you’ve ever wanted a tin-top racer that performs like a “real racecar,” then the Metro Gnome is your dog. The price does sound like a lot for a crapcan, sure, but this is one of the most unique and original racecars ever built, engineered on a shoestring budget and built in a garage, just the way so many great and innovative racecars have been throughout history. The Metro Gnome drives like, looks like, and—most importantly—sounds like far more than the sum of its parts. Some of the team members work in film, so they have produced some great of my favorite crapcan video:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmmRh-YH72I[/youtube]

And this one (which may look better here):

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/34483912[/vimeo]

[Photos: Murilee Martin]