Classic Captions Contest: 1991 Mitsubishi 3000GT Edition


As July wraps up and August rolls in, let’s end off the month with a Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest focused a car from nearly 30 years ago that I personally think, has aged so well. Down the street from my apartment in Milwaukee’s Shorewood neighborhood, is a mega plex of a grocery store called Metro Market. There’s literally every single type of food object you can put into your body available on two, large floors. The three story parking garage attached to it, is a nightmare to drive in and horrendously designed. It doesn’t help when parked rare, rad, and obscure cars from the early 1990s distract you from attempting to exit. Case in point, the Mitsubishi 3000GT. Speaking of distractions, this press photo? Oh the stories that gray-haired man could tell. 

Before we look at this Playboy club-esque scene, let’s stroll back to our last HCCC which took place on some scenic countryside where something unfolded. The ’95 Fiat Coupé. broke down which is probably the more accurate assumption, yet a shame because it looks brilliant. While waiting for Tony to come tow it, Carlos tried to win the cold, hardened heart of his lover Maria, by pulling from the trunk his full-size hunting bow. Clearly there was nothing to be hunted and Maria wasn’t impressed by Carlos launching arrows into the air at random.

Here are a few of the best captions you came up with:

“The low-budget Italian remake of The Terminator made some really odd choices, but there was something admirably low-key about eschewing Skynet to have the T-1000 try and prevent the Bangle Butt.”-Maymar

“Fiat’s design team never realized the slashes on their concept were never intended to be part of the car, having been applied by a wayward archer with bad aim.”-Vairshair

“How did the bow fit in the car? Well that’s pretty obvious if you think about it. I mean look at the size of the arrows. Any bow that can fire these small arrows can fit into that little Fiat there. Easy peezy, fresh and squeezy. Now if you don’t mind I have some cold fusion logic to work on for Fiat. They are looking to power the next Punto. So if you will just get back in and sit next to the bow we’ll be right off”-Wayne Moyer

I spotted a red 3000GT VR4 tonight at said grocery store of doom and paused for a few seconds to admire how well it’s aged over all these years, echoing back to the golden years when Mitsubishi made sporty cars like the 3000GT and Eclipse. Now that gold has faded away to the grays of sub 0$10,000 Mirages and the forgotten, ill-loved iMiEV. Disclaimer, I drove an iMiEV at an event when it first came out and it wasn’t as horrible as you’d think. I’ve written on here in the past about Mitsubishi losing its soul, its way with characteristic cars. The fun just seems to be gone, which is sad. So to cheer us up, look at the above press image of a first-generation 3000GT and turn your humorous switches on.
Somehow this 3000GT ended up in Groß-Gerau, Germany, which I found after scanning the interwebs for European license plate letterings. The car appears to be parked outside some kind of posh restaurant that well, probably serves a mighty fine duck. Is this cheery old man pranced next to it, the valet…or the owner this red, anti-Bimmer E30 M3, sports car? Is his daughter Soshanna standing behind him? This is definitely a press photo you have to chuckle at.
Your turn.

By |2018-07-30T06:00:10+00:00July 30th, 2018|Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest|13 Comments

About the Author:

By day, Robby DeGraff is an Industry Analyst for an automotive market research and product-consulting firm. Based an hour from Road America in Wisconsin, he once piloted a Suzuki Jimny around Iceland for two weeks in the middle of winter. Robby still has his first car, a red 2001 Camaro, plus a Saabaru with 233,000 miles and a 1981 Honda CB650. Someday he lusts to own a first-generation Aston Martin Vanquish or a Volkswagen Vanagon.