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Classic Captions – The 1987 Suzuki Samurai Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and once again, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have an image of the Original Cute Ute…

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Last time, we had an image of a Chevy Monza disguised as a Buick, and the participation level was a bit better this time, with a lot of clever one liners. The runner-up comment was from SSurfer321, and it was the prevailing theme for this particular round: “The neighbors all gathered around young Jimmy, celebrating his achievement. Proving to old Mrs. Hag that, yes, you can polish a turd.” Har, Har, very funny, but it was a one two punch that really took the prize this time.

Like I said, one comment set up the joke, while the comment that followed brought the house down. It was mkep819 who set it up with this comment: “Shouldn’t you close the windows before you wash it, Otis?”. With that, it was P161911 who followed with this very funny line: “With these panel gaps, it don’t matter.” So, for the first time since I re-started this feature, we have co-winners. Congratulations, and keep on participating.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is an image for the 1987 Suzuki Samurai. This was an unlikely success for the smallest of Japanese Car Makers during the 80′s and these things were selling like virtual hotcakes, right up until Consumer Reports published the fact that these little trucksters would tip over with little or no provocation. But before any of that, the Samurai enjoyed being the center of attention in these little cheeky ads, both on television, and in print. This image has it all, from the friendly grocer, to the guy with a Submarine Sandwich that is actually longer than the truck, with a beautiful and fun-loving babe in the open back seat. I just wonder what the other two people behind the vehicle are suppose to be doing? Also, is this really the way to sell a small 4X4? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Like how are they going to store that Sandwich in the vehicle), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

Classic Captions – The 1976 Buick Skyhawk Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and once again, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we look at a Small Buick derived from the DNA of the Chevy Vega…

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Last time, we had an image of an explosively colorful hatchback, and the participation level was a bit on the light side, but there were some memorable comments none-the-less. The runner-up comment was from needthatcar, and I had to check the date because I could have sworn it wasn’t Columbus Day yet, but I guess the caption says I’m wrong: “Let’s see, we’ve got the Nina and the Pinto…now where’s the Santa Maria?”. This was a fan favorite that I really don’t get, but there was one other just a bit better.

Last week’s winning caption came from a Atomic Toaster’s Prolific Author, engineerd, and his winning caption went like this: “Dad, mommy says the Pinto will explode when tagged from behind, just like she does in the bedroom. What does that mean?”. Sigh… I tried so hard to not reward the exploding gas tank jokes, but this one was more than funny, so congratulations engineerd on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is an image for the 1976 Buick Skyhawk. The ad copy states “The first Skyhawk on the block”, which is a really odd thing to boast about because the Buick Skyhawk was introduced a full model year earlier (in 1975). So in essence, was the Skyhawk really a slow seller as the ad copy states? This was Buick’s smallest car at that time, and it came standard with the 231 CID V-6, 4-Speed Manual, and it had better interior appointments than the Chevrolet Monza it was related to. But these were badged engineered cars, and you could get practically the same car as an Oldsmobile (of which we already had a Classic Caption Feature of). About the ad, and it is typical GM during this time period, with a crowd of people (of all ages) standing around the car, with fake enthusiasm for the owner and the car. What I really want to know is this: What is the old lady with the umbrella suppose to represent, and what the hell is that dog suppose to be doing? Also, is this really the way to sell a small Buick, even though it’s just a clone? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (I’ll stand here pondering the meaning of that umbrella), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

Classic Captions – The 1974 Ford Pinto Runabout Edition

pinto_basics.jpg (772×1024) - Google Chrome 3312014 80048 PM.bmp

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and once again, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we look at a 70′s Automotive Icon that is best remembered for its explosive personality…

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Last time, we had an image of a Dodge Truck by the lake, and we are back to having light participation, to which I have to ask: What’s up with that? The runner-up comment was from Irishzombieman☆. However, I am going to take a break here and instead of highlighting the caption, I’m going to express my concerns. You see, this feature is a light hearted fluff piece, meant to be entertaining and not to be taken seriously. It is a chance to look at images from the past, and to comment on how we see things with rose colored glasses firmly intact. In other words, to see things from another time period, and react to how similar imagery is handled currently. This feature is meant to be light, frivolous, and most of all, entertaining. It is not meant to be reactionary, judgmental, or a place to vent your personal vendetta, so lighten up everyone, and try to enjoy this post. Sorry Irishzombieman☆, this wasn’t meant for you, it is directed at the person for whom you wrote the comment about (whomever that may be).

Now let’s get back to frivolity, and this week, the winning caption came from a fairly new participant, mkep81971p, and his winning caption went like this: “I prefer the pickups on the Fender, over the fenders on the Pickup.” This was very well done mkep81971p, so congratulations on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is an image for the 1974 Ford Pinto 3-door Runabout. The ad copy states that “The only way to improve a basic car is to improve the basics” This was the admen trying to play-up some of the new standard equipment for the Pinto, like Disc Brakes, and larger power-plants. But this car was introduced right in the middle of the first Arab Oil Embargo, when practically anything small was replacing the large cars from only a few years before. With that, Ford (as well as everyone else) tried to make their cheapest and smallest cars even more appealing with a healthy dose of Chrome trim, Two-Tone Painr, Vinyl Roof Treatments, and bright vivid paint. So, do you think the Ford did a credible job selling the Pinto with this particular image? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (and please stay away from all the Exploding Pinto Jokes…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: On The Real.New York City

Classic Captions – The 1969 Dodge Adverturer Pickup Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. It’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so now it’s time to review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we look at a Pickup that is the life of the party…

Models pose in a cutaway Simca Aronde at the Paris Motor Show, 1956 [1194 x 1160] - Imgur

Last time, we had an image of a Cutaway Simca at the 1956 Paris Auto Show, and the number of participants was OK, but I was expecting more. The runner-up comment was once again from $kaycog (This is twice in a row!). Her caption went like this: “In the back seat, Colette awoke to see the twinkling stars in the sky and wondered, “where the hell did the roof go?”” Another funny caption $kay, but there was one that was just a bit better, and I have absolutely no reason why…

This week, the winning caption came from one of our regular participants, Batshitbox, and his winning caption is very bizarre: “Salvador Dali and Marcel Duchamp freak out the squares in their surrealist “Drag Racer Parenthetical Octopus (Octopus)” Because Thursday afternoon.” If you haven’t had the chance to revisit the post from last week, do yourself a favor and do so now, because there were a few follow-up comments, in French, with illustrations, that have left me dumbfounded. Whatever, congratulations Batshitbox on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is an image from a Newspaper Circular Flyer for the 1969 Dodge Adventurer Pickup Truck. The ad copy states that “When the day is done, this one isn’t.” Well, that really isn’t a great ad line is it? And the setting looks like a gathering by the lake (or something) with what looks like a five piece band playing in the cargo bed. During the 60′s, the car companies were trying to market the Pickup Truck in new ways, to appeal to the Suburban dweller, and equipping the truck with two-tone paint, bucket seats, wheelcovers, and even Air Conditioning seemed to be the way to go. So, do you think the Dodge Boys succeeded with this particular image? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Something about a Ho Down comes to mind…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: coconv flickr photo stream

Classic Captions – The 1956 Simca Aronde Showcar Edition

Models pose in a cutaway Simca Aronde at the Paris Motor Show, 1956 [1194 x 1160] - Imgur

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. It’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, but this time I’m going to break from tradition. You see I received this image from an enthusiastic fan of this particular feature (Thanks Kyran for your submission) and after some research, I decided to use it for this weeks contest. It is still your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with this most unusual image from the 1956 Paris Auto Show…

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Last time, we had an image of a Chrysler fit for a Sultan, and we had a pretty good turnout this time. The runner-up comment was from the queen on the internet herself, $kaycog (Didn’t I already use that line last week?). Her caption went like this: “It’s okay to lust after the new Chrysler New Yorker, but don’t get carried away.” This was very funny $kay, but there was one that was the favorite among the Hoons that gather around this particular part of the web…

This week, the winning caption came from one of our regular participants, OA5599, and his winning caption went this way: “This Chrysler New Yorker has the powerful new 440 under the hood. How powerful is it? Well, let’s just say it’s a lot faster than a sedan with four turban engines.” This was very well done, and it tied in the whole Chrysler thing as well, so congratulations OA5599 on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is a publicity print for the 1956 Simca Aronde, which was a cutaway version used for the 1956 Paris Auto Show. This is a particularly provocative image, which only the French could get away with during this particular time period. The model in the front seat seems relaxed and peaceful, with a beautiful gown that isn’t at all revealing. The model in the back seat however is positively sultry in a strapless gown. She looks like she is about to have an orgasm… I’m really not kidding! She is pushing all the right buttons with her pose… Remember, this is an image from the mid 50′s, and it has the smoldering sensuality you would never expect, all for a car that was mediocre at best… Is this Simca really all that? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Excuse me while I ponder this image again… I’ll be over here!), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: history.xazina.com

Classic Captions – The 1966 Chrysler New Yorker Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. It’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so now it’s time to review the premise of this little slice of heaven; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This weeks image is one showing two different Sedans

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Last time, we had an image of a Maverick and a Horse, and we had a few very funny captions this time. The runner-up comment was from one of our more frequent guests, onrails. His caption went like this: “Bob couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with his trusty old steed. But the new one consumed less, was more reliable, and made less of an awful stink. But he’d sure miss that old Maverick.” This was very well done, but there was one overwhelming favorite this time…

This week, the winning caption came from our own Queen of the Internet herself, $kaycog, and her winning caption went this way: “Yep, I bet this car is parked here because it had injun trouble.” This was the top of the heap among the readers, so congratulations $kaycog on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is a print ad for the 1966 Chrysler New Yorker. This particular ad was meant to convey that when you move up to a Chrysler New Yorker, you really Move Up. I’m really not sure how far up the food chain you “Move Up” when you seem to be doing pretty well being carried by what I can only assume are servants. Having a crew just to carry you around is pretty sweet in my book, but what do I know? Is the Chrysler New Yorker really all that? And is this really any way to sell a Luxury Car in the mid 60′s? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (I dream of Jeannie simply pops into my brain!), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

Classic Captions – The 1970 Ford Maverick Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. Yes, once again it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so now it’s time to review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This weeks image is one from Ford, with a particularly unusual Maverick…

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Last time, we had an image of Ms. Hurst Golden Shifter who popped through a Sunroof, and the participation rate was a little light, but they were funny none the less. The runner-up comment was from one of our more frequent guests, Devin. His caption went like this: “One of the pictured models has dual airbags as standard equipment.” Remember, this was in the days before there were surgical “enhancements”, so this was a very well thought out caption that happened to be very humorous, but there was one other that was just a bit better…

This week, the winning caption came from Tanshanomi, and his winning caption went this way: “The first time she showed up in her new Hurst Grand Prix, she got a lot of attention. She got even more when she popped out of her top.” This was the overwhelming favorite among the readers, so congratulations Tanshanomi on winning the Caption Contest this week.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is a print ad for the 1970 Ford Maverick. This particular ad took aim at the paint colors that were offered with the headline “Goodbye Old Paint”. The paint colors all had very colorful names, like Anti-Establish Mint, Hulla Blue, Original Cinnamon, Freudian Gilt, and Thanks Vermillion. Are you kidding with these names? The Ford Marketing department must have been high at the time… (Do you think Ford would get away with this naming convention today?) Paring the Maverick with a Maverick was pretty clever as well, but the two themes don’t really mesh well in the advertisement, or do they? And is this really a way to sell an economy car in the early 1970′s? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Like what’s up with the horse?), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

Classic Captions – The 1971 Pontiac Grand Prix SSJ Hurst Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. Yes, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so once again it’s time to review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies (or in this case, Car Equipment Providers) in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have an interesting picture of a Special Edition Pontiac, with Miss Hurst Golden Shifter herself included!

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Last time, we had an image of a Street Gang with a Dodge Daytona, and we had a pretty good turnout for the week. However, I want to show my appreciation for all of our fans on how you conducted your comments this time. We learned a lot, especially from dukeisduke, who brought to our attention how significant “Big Willie” Robinson was in the Los Angeles Street Scene during the 70′s and 80′s. You may not have won the caption contest, but you did win my gratitude in bringing this significant person to this Hoons attention.

So let’s get back to the contest… The runner-up comment was from one of our more frequent guests, skitter. His caption went like this: “Some say he throws a Dodge Daytona in the shot put. And also, somewhat controversially, in the Javelin.” This was a very well thought out caption, but there was one just a bit better…

This week, the winning caption came from Alff (Yes, Again…), and his winning caption went this way: “What’s the part that tends to break, When there’s too much torque about? Shaft!” This was very funny, and period correct, so congratulations Alff on winning the Caption Contest.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and we must all hail Miss Hurst Golden Shifter herself, the voluptuous Linda Vaughn. Miss Vaughn was the spokes model for Hurst Performance Products, from about 1964 right up through present day, though it has been written that she relinquished the Miss Golden Shifter title in the mid 1980′s. The Pontiac in this advertisement image was a special custom conversion that was performed by Hurst and sold through select Pontiac Dealers. How many were sold, and what equipment was installed beside Paint and Trim is a mystery to me, but according to the original ad, the White Letter Tires and Special Wheels were optional. Now, is this really the way to sell a special model to the general public in the waning days of the Muscle Car, or did the Hurst Company hit the nail on the head? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (You know what I will be zeroing in on…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this provocative image.

Photo Credit: Classic Cars Today Online

Classic Captions – The American Racing Equipment Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. Yes, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so once again it’s time to review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies (or in this case, Car Equipment Providers) in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have an arresting image of a bunch of Los Angeles Street Racers from back in the day…

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Last time, we had an image of a Mustang II at a Skeet Range, and we had the most participation from our fans in quite a while (Thanks everyone!). The runner-up comment was from one of our more frequent guests, P161911. His caption went like this: “After only 6 months of driving it was time to put the Mustang down.” This was followed-up by a very snappy come-back from dwbf11: “I was wondering how they glued the vinyl top on…now it all makes sense!” This one-two punch was very funny, but there was one just a bit better, and it came with a photo-shopped image.

This week, the winning caption came from Irishzombieman☆, who submitted the work you see on the left, but I think it requires a bit of an explanation. The image was an homage to Raymond Pettibon, a California artist who is known for his comic-like drawings with disturbing, ironic or ambiguous text. Pettibon’s subject matter is sometimes violent and anti-authoritarian.
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From the late 1970s through the mid-1980s, he was closely associated with the punk rock band Black Flag. In addition, Pettibon has designed the cover of the 1991 Sonic Youth album, “Goo”. (You can see an image of Pettibon’s work to the right) So, Mr, Zombieman simply used this particular Album Cover as inspiration, and the results speak for itself… This was very well done, so congratulations Irishzombieman☆ on winning the Caption Contest.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and this has to be one of the most unusual advertising images I have run on this feature. This ad was for American Racing Equipment, and their main product line was aftermarket rims. I am not sure as to when this ad was first published, but my guess would be the early 70′s, as the Dodge Daytona that appears dates from 1969. However, this particular print ad centers around the big man in the middle who seems to go by the name “Big Willie”. He is a mighty big man, with arm muscles that are thicker than my waist, sporting striped flared jeans, an impressive medallion, and a Bowler! Now that’s what I call Stylin’! His Posse of Street Racers are all gathered around his Valiant Dodge (Gee, I thought it was a Plymouth Valiant… yuk, yuk, yuk) Sporting their own good looks. So, do you think this is the proper way to advertise Racing Rims during the early to mid 70′s? Who was this Big Willie Anyway? And would you give anything to live during this time period? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (right now, I’m just speachless…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this provocative image.

Photo Credit: Just a Car Guy Blog

Classic Captions – The 1978 Ford Mustang II Ghia Edition

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. Yes, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so it’s once again time to review the premise of this post; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have a picture of a Malaise Era Mustang at a Rifle Range…

Classic Captions – The 1958 Ford Fairlane 500 Edition  Hooniverse - Google Chrome 292014 84332 PM.bmp

Last time, we had an image of an American Built Ford living in Paris, and the responses were all quite interesting, with a few in French no less. The runner-up comment was from that proliferate poster over at Atomic Toasters, engineerd. His caption went like this: “Ford, eager to enter the French auto market, named their first vehicle to be sold in France after a British monarch whose mother was German.” This was one of the well thought out captions, but it took a “photo-shopped” image, with some very clever commentary, to become the favorite this time.

This week, the winning caption came from dwbf11 who is starting to become a very frequent contributor to this little contest of ours, and he contributed a very funny image you see to the left. For those that can’t read the words contained in each balloon, here they are: The white one on the right, coming from the Driver of the Fairlane is “C’est trop grande!” which translates to “It’s too big!” The black balloon, coming from one of the young riders of a Donkey that is on the left side of the car utters: “C’est ce qu’elle a dit!”, which translates to “That’s what she said!” dwbf11 then adds his own caption to this image: “The 1958 Ford Fairlane: The original source of the “that’s what she said” joke.” This was very well done, so congratulations dwbf11 on winning the Caption Contest.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is a Print advertising image for the 1978 Ford Mustang II Ghia Coupe with a handsome young couple at a Rifle Range. Remember, this was during the height of the 70′s disco era, so of course the car is sporting a padded vinyl roof that covers the “Opera Windows”, with matching “Body Side Molding” in a color that was termed as Chamois! Other things that I will point out will also clearly date this car firmly in the “Charlie’s Angels” era, like the Feathered Hair on the female, the Porn Stache on the Male, and those big bumpers that are clearly battering rams on the car. If you look on the front fenders, this car was equipped with the 302 CID V-8 (Later to be known as the 5.0), along with color keyed lace alloy wheels. Do you think this car was really all that desirable then? Was the car aiming at the right audience? And do you find this car even more desirable now than ever before? (Confession time… I really like this particular Mustang II) Only you can answer these questions, while we bring you this rather unique image to your otherwise boring Tuesday. (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (mine will have something about that Porn Stache, but that’s just me…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this provocative image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

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